How to stop yelling at your kids


Staff member
How to stop yelling at your kids - Psyche

You can’t control your child’s emotions, but by questioning your assumptions and expectations you can become a calmer parent

Your child screams out that you are stupid and demands that you leave him alone. Your teen responds to your well-intended piece of advice with an eye-roll and a ‘Whatever.’ Your preschooler is having her fourth mammoth meltdown of the day over a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit. You can’t seem to get your kids to even brush their teeth when they are told to. And so you lose it. You blow up at them, releasing your pent-up emotions just like they do. You have to get them to change somehow, right? You are not alone. It happens to the most well-meaning parents.

Your enraged reaction means your button has been pushed. What your child has said or done does not comport with your expectation of what your child should say or do. You might spew words that you swore you were never going to say to your kids. You probably know that you’ll get better results if you can keep your emotions in check: when children feel threatened, they will not be able to think clearly, and neither will you. So, you might desperately want to stay calm. But what if you can’t? Some people can decide to change a behaviour and just do it, while others, who might be desperate for change, have a harder time doing so.

Perhaps your reactions feel out of your control. But they are not. While you can’t control your children’s emotions and reactions, you can learn to control your own – so that you can respond, rather than react, and be the parent you always thought you’d be.