husband /difficult child and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) *DELETED*


Well-Known Member
First of all, being the mom of an autistic boy, I don't like the term "autistic idiot." Auties aren't idiots. They have thought differences, but that doesn't mean they are awful or idiots. Ok, moving past that. I'm just curious. What makes you think he's autistic? He doesn't really sound like it from the little that you posted. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is the most giving, bighearted child on earth. He has obsessions, but he's far from mean. He's kind and sweet. Do you have an understanding of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Unless he's been diagnosed by a neuropsychologist, I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Just don't want lurkers to think people with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are characteristically selfish or manipulative. They are more apt to be socially clueless (not maliciously so) with narrow, obsessive interests (computers is common) and very literal. They tend not to be big rule breakers. My son doesn't "get" money, but neither do I. For a while, they thought I may be on the spectrum, but I had extensive testing and I'm not, even though I have neurological differences. If your hub IS Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), it really isn't his fault that he doesn't "get it." He didn't have access to interventions back when he was young. I'm a little nervous when I hear "that's why he's so awful--he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)." To be honest, I post on an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) website, and it is really NOT characteristic of ASDers to lie. Most tell the truth even when you don't want them "See that lady, Mom? Isn't she fat?" (blushing moment) Without extensive testing, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is hard to find. I just had the gamut of testing for the second time. Without testing though there is no way to point to any markers of neurological differences. Sounds like you need to take care of yourself too. Maybe it's a good idea to seek some help to get you through all this.


New Member
David's Mom,

First off, I didn't take your post to mean that you think all autistics are idiots. You are just venting and I understand that.

You know, I have some issues with my husband as well. I'm not saying he is autistic but I can point to a few behaviors that could be suspect. I'd also like to say that he is an extremely technical, very successful man in upper management (works with well with people) at a well known airline. I'm not saying any of this to brag but to let others know that people with autistic-like characteristics can accomplish tremendous things. (Nothing new to most people on this board.) He has never been tested but thinks he could be Aspergers after looking over all the forms we filled out for my son.

My son, while not diagnosed with anything formally, has some characteristics of NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). Also, I'm glad to know that people with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are not characteristically selfish or manipulative. I will say that my son does lie and can be very challenging at times. My husband was a challenge to his parents during his teen years.

I would suggest taking some time off and getting away if at all possible. Please do not give up hope and I think just posting this stuff helps us get it out....Good luck.


Well-Known Member
I would really wonder if the issue is autism too. I really think my oldest son is aspergers but we didnt figure it out till he was grown so he hasnt been diagnosed. He only lies to inflate his ego or if it involves his brother. He has a bad habit of trying to lay blame elsewhere. I do tend to think that is something we can thank my mom for though because she always told him he was so special and could do no wrong.

Manipulation and money problems sound more bipolar to me. I am horrible with money. I understand money...heck I should, I have a degree in accounting! I do fine with other peoples money but I cant do my own worth a doodle.

This is a difficult problem.


New Member

Maybe this is off topic, but my son, who is only 6, often lays blame elsewhere as well. Strange that they are similar like that....Did you find anything helpful while raising your son to help him accept responsibility for his actions?

I'll take this discussion elsewhere if necessary....thanks.


Well-Known Member
Staff member

I didn't take that as if you were connecting autistic and idiot together, either.

I'm looking up how to be married to an autistic idiot I mean man.

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I read it as though you were venting about an idiotic husband that might be autistic.

Anyway, whether he is on the autistic spectrum or not, you have a serious problem if your husband's actions are putting you in the poorhouse.

I can certainly understand your need to vent.



Well-Known Member
Well, for my oldest we really didnt but we think its an offshoot of a different problem. We know when he is doing it. Some of it is simple sibling rivalry. My boys are experts at that. It is still fairly bad between the oldest and the youngest. Well its a weird dynamic here. Oldest is jealous of youngest, youngest is jealous of middle one, middle one thinks he should fix all of Middle one knows he doesnt have a thing to be jealous of because he is the only one doing pretty well with his life.

We just used the old "if we didnt see it happen, then both parties are in trouble" routine. That pretty much stopped too much tattling and stuff like that. But mr I didnt do it lived in our house for years.