Yes, you read that right. During the week I was in Maryland he mentioned something about a "friend" of his attending the pig roast at our elks club we belong too. He said she was just a friend he met at the bar and that her and her mother came because they were looking for something to do. Right away my radar went up and I have been watching his cell phone bill. I checked his address book and found her number, so I knew which one to watch for. So the week that I was in Maryland, trying to have fun while worrying about my mother, and the week I was in Florida watching my mother die, and then this past week after her death while I've been trying to concentrate on what I needed to do, he has been having an affair. I suspected it and kept watching and waiting and wasn't going to even try and deal with it until after my father goes back to Florida (he's flying in this afternoon with my mom's ashes), but I couldn't stand the thought of having to deal with him dissapearing while my dad was here to go see her. So Saturday night, on his birthday, I told him I knew he was talking to her 2 or 3 times a day and didn't really know much else. He was pretty open with telling me it's been going on for about a month and they have gone out quite a bit, especially the 2 weeks I was away. You see my husband can be a very needy person. We have been married for 27 years this Thursday and have been together for 30. I have been with him since I was 17 years old. Over the years we have almost split up many times over the same issue. I really don't feel any physical chemistry for him anymore. Doesn't mean I don't love him and I show him that in many other ways. Some of it is due to the fact that I'm not a physical person, which runs in my moms side of the family. I don't need someone to constantly hold my hand and make me feel good about myself and I think that fact that we have been together for 30 years adds to it. I have had so many people tell us that we should thank god we are still speaking after 30 years, never mind having such a good marriage in every other way. We actually went to intense counseling for this a few years back and the counselor told him it's nobody elses job to make him happy. She told him that he needs to be happy with himself and who he is and that seemed to work for awhile. Everytime we almost split we decided we had to many years invested in our marriage to throw it away, so I would try to be more physical, he would try to pretend it didn't matter and we would end up back at the same point. He will himself say that everything else we have is great, except for that one thing. So I guess for him 9 our of 10 isn't good enough. He needs a relationship that is a perfect 10. He ended it with her yesterday and told me a bunch of stuff about the relationship that doesn't make much sense to me. He said didn't really end up being his type. I guess I'm supposed to feel bad about that??? and that he was going to end it anyway. He also said she asked him the other day if he would ever leave me and he said no. So.... Let me get this straight. If she didn't end up not being his type, and I didn't catch him, he would have stayed married to me and just kept seeing her. I am so numb and angry right now that I feel nothing but hatred. I don't think I can ever forgive him for making me deal with something so major at the time that all I should be concentrating on is the death of my mother. I told him yesterday I truley don't think I can get past this. I also told him I won't deal with or make any decisions until my father leaves. He said he feels so low for the timing of all of this. There is no sympathy from me. I have needed his unconditional support over the past 3 weeks and he was with somebody else. I'm going to call the counselor we went to years ago and set up an appointment for myself. She was absolutley wonderful and I really need to go see her. don't know if I can do it before my dad leaves, but I am going to try.