husband will not agree/daughter bipolar and abusive

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by catherine clark, Jul 22, 2019.

  1. catherine clark

    catherine clark New Member

    Hi I have been dealing with my daughters behavior for over 5 years. She has been fired from jobs for stealing and then collects unemployment. She used to run out of High School with older men had to place her in a lock down day facility because the school could not handle her. She jumped out windows at night and was used by a man that said he was her boyfriend and she was used as a prostitute by him . She was 17 and the fbi was involved but because the man was not important like a lawyer or teacher or government worker they would not prosecute . We love her and have bought everyone in to help but to no avail . she has thrown me to the ground when she wanted to go out with internet men . She watches the worst porn that we dont want done in our house. She has left several times living with different men internet men . I am afraid of her. She stole my credit card two weeks ago and I cancelled it . She stole a hundred dollars this week from my purse. She has stole a lot more of that sometimes a thousand at a time . She has smoked so much pot and continues to . My husband thinks she will grow out of it . She won't she is abusing us . I am going to call the police to report the stealing and he is not happy with that .
     
    Lasted edited by : Jul 22, 2019
  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    You need to do this with the police. This is not a phase. She is showing signs of a serious budding criminal. If she lives with you, get her out, even if you have to get her an apartment and pay for it at first. I don't allow my daughter to even come into my home. She also stole from us. But your daughter got into more trouble, earlier, than my daughter did. Red flags everywhere.

    Maybe you and your husband would benefit from marriage counseling. Your husband is grossly underestimating what your daughter has done to you and her life. I wonder if she is abusing drugs and steals to buy.

    I am very sorry. If you pray, this at least helps me. Give her to God. Detach.

    Be well.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
  3. catherine clark

    catherine clark New Member

    Thank you, She was arrested and placed in jail for 4 hours and charged with marijuana possession. The judge placed her in a outpatient program he gave her 4 times to go to the program and she walked in one door and out the back of the treatment facility. Despite paying 3000 for a lawyer she now has a record with a misdemeanor.
    She also has stole the cleaning peoples money and called and told them not to come. They called me and I told them they were supposed to come. ( my husband and I were away) . She and her boyfriend poured milk on the floor kicked vacumms at them poured the trash on the floor and screamed and swore at them. They then went outside with their jackets and stepped on them and kicked them to the road. They will not come over unless I am here . I can't believe what I am writing and I am truly in a horrific situation and I realize the longer I let it go on I am placing myself in danger. My medical Dr. who knows her said yesterday she is danger to me. Thanks for listening . I am getting her a place in extended stay for a month just to get her out and changing the locks . I will give her to God it's the only choice .
     
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  4. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Good for you. I know it can be hard.
     
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi and welcome!!

    If you have used your real name you may want to change it.

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. There is nothing worse than being afraid of your own child. I too was very afraid of my son.

    Here's how I look at this type of situation. I would not put up with this type of treatment from a stranger so would I even if it's from my own child. I had to call the police on my son more than once. I do not regret it.
    What is most important is your safety and peace of mind.

    Your husband may think it's a phase but why should you or anyone have to put up with that kind of behavior.

    I'm glad you are here with us. This site is such a blessing.

    ((HUGS))
     
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  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Welcome.
    This is good, but in my view, not enough.

    You are right. Your husband is in denial. Perhaps you can support him to come to his senses.

    This is repeated, criminal behavior by your daughter and her associates. I would urge you to get a restraining order so that she cannot come to your house or near you. I understand that husband is not on board. While marital counseling makes sense, I believe the situation is urgent and there needs to be further action on your part, now, to protect you. This has already been violent. You are afraid. This is intolerable. Who knows what comes next.

    This may sound extreme, but I do not believe you should be subject to this one day more. Is there the possibility of your moving out, until your husband is onboard with making and enforcing boundaries? To a relative's house or even to a motel? I would give husband a chance, first, to do the right thing. Tell him that you need your daughter to stay away from you and the house. If he chooses to see her, it needs to be somewhere away. And if he does not concur, tell him you will move out until your home is safe.

    Then you can find a counselor. With husband if he is willing, or by yourself.

    I think the situation is serious, if he is not willing to consider you and your welfare. This is not only about your daughter. It is about you and your psyche and your safety. In your own home. In your refuge, your sanctuary. Your husband must we willing to take this seriously. Why should you be sacrificed here? You matter.

    I am very sorry this is happening. I'm glad you found us.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
  7. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    The incident with the maid service is unbelievable. She doesn't realize she's a victim. I really hope she gets more intense therapy and becomes more self aware about how she's being victimized. The guys she's being used by are controlling her with drugs. I think jail would be a safer than being able to run with those guys. I'm not trying to scare you, but those are the kind of men who strangle women and throw them in dumpsters. Jail is safer. Talk to the cops. She is a high risk victim and this could go south really fast.
     
  8. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    Welcome, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Sometimes we get tunnel vision because of the emotional strings attached to loving our children and our convoluted thought process that we are supposed to put up with anything they do to us or say to us. Trust me, I'm right there with you.

    Prior to my divorce we actually had a restraining order on our youngest son and due to my husband's drinking (ex-now) he allowed my son back into our home behind my back. I was petrified of my younger son at the time because he suffered from PTSD and ADHD and at the time smoked pot morning, noon and night and his behavior was unpredictable. I was so angry with my husband for letting him back in the house but due to his chronic alcoholism his clarity and decision making was skewed.

    Even though there has been "some" reconciliation over the last few years, I have set boundaries and will not allow my son into my home (or my 30 yrs. old for other reasons). There are moments when I feel sad about this (remembering who he used to be as a little boy) but I have to protect myself from his "instability" caused by possible drugs and or mental illness and anxiety.

    You should definitely protect yourself because it sounds like you have to expect the unexpected. Our homes are where we are supposed to feel safe and protected. I am blessed that I have that now because I have un-popularly set those boundaries for myself along with a good alarm system.

    Please don't take this lightly because the repercussions could be more than you ever expected.

    Be safe!
     
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  9. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    How old is she currently?
    I like the extended stay idea.
    She needs boundaries.
    She very likely needs medications and therapy.
    Check into an organization called “Families Anonymous,” see if they meet in your area.
    They will provide support and give you ideas.
    Lock everything in your house. Don’t let her near money.
    In fact, avoid having her in your house.
    Lock up everything.
    Make sure she is on birth control.
    This is very sad.
    Get therapy for yourself, at least for the short term.