I have not posted in a while, not a whole lot has changed with my son but it seems a lot is changing with me. Since starting alanon in January I am finally feeling like I have detached from my son for the most part. He is still living at home and following the house rules (which isn’t hard because he only sleeps here lately) and I am getting busy trying to get a life of my own instead of trying to stay one step ahead of him. He shares next to nothing with me about his outside life and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t still bother me but as of lately I have been able to let those thoughts kind of pass through me instead of obsessing about them for hours on end. I bought a bicycle last month and yesterday I rode 10 miles with my husband and my younger son. It was beautiful weather and it is a great workout so I was very happy. Things don’t seem as bad as they did before and it is not because he has changed, I have and so has my perspective. I know in the near future we will need to have a talk about him moving out and I don’t anticipate it going well but who knows... At my last meeting I heard another member share some that they had learned and that is that the first act of war is defensiveness, and if that doesn’t describe the ongoing conflict with my son I don’t know what does. We are defensive in the moment we enter the same room as each other because I think we both feel a strong urge to defend our positions. I am working hard to let it go from my side, that is all I can do.