i am at my last straw(new here)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by muellers820, Dec 12, 2008.

  1. First of,i am Alex and my difficult child is 6 and in Special Education for adhd,odd and borderline bipolar.In his IEP he is under emotionaly disturbance and other health impairment.We have had issius with him since he was only 2.To make a long story short,he has been medicated for almost 2 years now,but never on the "perfect medicine"...we have yet to find that.I dont think he has that much adhd,because none of the medications for that work at all,as a matter of fact he reacts the opposite of calm.Anyway,he is on Risperdal2mg and depakote250mg a day ,he has been on risperdal for a while now and it was uped on monday and depakote was added on monday also.So it has only been a few days,and we havent seen anything different(i know it takes a few weeks)but i gues his teachers didnt think of that yesterday when difficult child had an absolute meltdown in class.
    See,my difficult child can get very very violent,when he is frustrated and or talked to the 'wrong' way.We all know when he is about to blow up.There have been many days in school when he had to be physicly restrained(held down) because he was hurting either teachers or his classmates.sometimes he is good controlling his anger,but most of teh time he has a meltdown.
    Yesterday they had 3 different stations doing fine motor things(which he has issius with...he gets Occupational Therapist (OT) for that) and when he saw he had to do a 100piece puzzel,he said right away he wont do it.He was only supp.to try,but he would not have that.He just wanted to go to the next station which had blocks,but they didnt let him,inless he tried the puzzel first.He then was giving another task,of coloring and was told to make sure he does a nice job(coloring imnside teh lines)...which he also has issius with(againOT stuff),all he wanted was to get to the block station.I know,the teachers could have seen that he was getting angry,he told them he was mad,and they are unfair and mean to him.Which in a way i agree,they could have just let him wait out the time and then let him switch with the others to the blocks.No such thing happened.Instead he was directed to teh 'quiet area" which he pretty much destroyed the.That area has access to books(which he threw everywhere) and it is blocked of by this "chart-holder".He put his hands on the top of it(it looks almost like a curtain-rod) and he was told if he breaks it,he will get a "cayoty ticket"..(5 will get you a suspension) and he already has one for calling someone the A-word.
    So,since the teacher warned him...didnt she know what was about to happene?He broke the darn thing,and got the ticket.Now i am facing the charges(i will fight it) for that holder thing.I believe she should have stopped him right before he was about to break it.After that he just went more crazy,throwing pens and destroying art projects from other students.Why the heck didnt they stop him?I just dont undersatnd that.In the meantime all the other students got put in a different classroom cause they where all scared of my difficult child.
    They called me once to tell me about some of the things but it didnt sound as bad.When i came to get him at the end of teh day,they had a 2 page report with 3 pages of pictures for me.I was so frustrated.What am i suppose to do with this kid?We have tried everything trust me ,everything.We are currently waiting for a district therapist to come to school just for him,but lord only knows when that will happen.
    After i read the report,it stood out,that they should have let him switch after a period of time(it even says something like that in his IEP....)so,this morning when i bring him to school i will have a little talk with the teacher.
    I also believe since my difficult child does all this "bad"things they treat him different,which of course they will denie,but i can practicly feel that they throw up on the inside when he comes to class.
    Sorry this was so long,but i needed to get this of my chest.
  2. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night


    Welcome. You will find a lot of great support and suggestions here.

    I completely understand the entire scene you described. I bet you are thinking... why the heck didn't they just let him move on? They could have prevented all the chaos. That is exactly what I would think and say. Then someone would say that they "can't" just let him move on because... and it goes on and on and on. It is so frustrating when nothing works. I think it is even more frustrating when it becomes a battle of the wills and some (usually grown) people just have to win!

    I really don't have any suggestions. I'm new to this whole concept of issues myself. We have just recently started medication and been advised to seek professional help. However, I did want to welcome you and say I understand. I look forward to the responses you get.
  3. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    With mine at 6yrs old we had him on ritalin and that worked for awhile then in3rd grade we added clonidine and that helped for awhile then he went off clonidine and went on zyprexa(huge weight gain) and concerta and then we stopped the zyprexa and went on abilify and concerta and that worked for awhile and then switched to resperidol and ritalin at 16yo.
    Knowing how volatile he is I would have let him play with what he wants and at his age an 100 peice puzzle is too demanding that is for a fourth grader. He needs to start with a 4 piece puzzle and if he does well with that to move ahead with a 10 piece. I would say to them start with where the student is at not where you are at!! And if he is frustrated give him something that he is good at to calm him down.
    Also the room should be structured so that he is in-between two students who are absolutely calm. Mine was seated next to 2 A students and one of which never talked but was on task always.
    In my opinion you need to let them know how they mishandled things and let them and the prinicipal know.It would be good if you had someone go with you for support.
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello and welcome!! I think we can all pretty much relate to your frustration, especially when dealing school issues. I agree that they should have let him move on. Maybe you should request a meeting with the teacher, principle and the psychologist to revisit the stipulations on his IEP. It's hard because they will say that they can't let him "get away" with his behavior because the other students will expect the same consideration. But when dealing with difficult children different things work for different kids. I, personally don't see the big deal in allowing him to move on to a new project rather than watch him go into a full on rage. That isn't good for him or the other students!!! It is probably a battle of the wills and the teachers don't want to lose. Which is ridiculous!!!!

    You will love this board, everyone is so kind and supportive of one another. I have gotten so much strength from the wonderful people here as well as much needed advice. Welcome to the family.

    Hang in there and God bless. :)
  5. Thanks so much for welcoming me.
    I have had a litte talk with his teacher this morning(principal is always gone,lol)And i just bombarded her with my feeling on the whole thing.Of course,she had an answer on everything except when i asked her why she didnt stop him from breaking the chartholder,she said she was with other students and so was teh aide.HELLOOOOO!!!didnt she know what was about to happen,i sure did,i reminded her again about his motor issius and that she should have seen it coming.Her reply was,well he did it all in a calm way,and not a rage."WHAT?????" Is she serious?I also told her she should have not let him get so far with destroying the whole classroom,like the art projects of other kids.What good did that do ?Thats when she shut up.She just looked at me,and then a parent came in the classroom and she pretty much let me know,that she was done.
    Well i am not.I told her i am not paying for that stand thing,because she knew what he was about to do,bottom line!
    Thanks again for listening.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Alex. Welcome to our board. Believe it or not, your story is pretty standard for the kids we post about here. Your child is acting pretty much like most of them do, at least at first. The same behavior, however, doesn't mean that they all have the same disorders. Let me ask a few questions that will help us direct you and maybe help you. Ok, here ya go:

    1/Who has diagnosed your child? Has he ever had a complete battery of private neuropsychologist testing? (this is not the same as a Neurologist or regular therapist or school testing).

    2/Are there psychiatric disorders or substance abuse on either side of this child's family tree? Any mood disorders?

    3/How was this little tyke's early development? Did he speak on time, make good eye contact with everyone, let you cuddle him, did he play appropriately with toys, did he and does he know how to socialize with his same-age peers, does he have any issues with loud noise, certain textures, certain foods, bright lights:, does he do well in crowds, can he transition from one activity to another without melting down? Does he ever seem "out of it" or "in his own world" and then at other times, especially when he is comfortable, seem almost hypofocused?

    in my opinion (layman warrior mom with bipolar) I don't believe he is "emotionally disturbed." I hate that label. I think, because all the childhood disorders tend to look alike symptom-wise, it is always best to get every child a complete neuropsychologist evaluation. They test from 6-10 hours and get into more intensive stuff than even Psychiatrists. You will definitely get some answers if you go this route, and they will probably make more sense and be more helpful than any you have gotten so far.

    I don't know how to help you with the school issues. I say hang on until you get him tested. Until he can get tested buy "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's a great way to have some peace until you can get the right diagnosis and help (I'm not saying your child has the wrong diagnosis--I'm just saying that it's wise to get second and third opinions). As for medications, no medications will completely help any child without other interventions. Some medications make certain disorders worse which is why it's a good idea to have your child NeuroPsyched. Stimulants make many kids with mood disorders and some kids on the autism spectrum get even worse. My kid did terribly on stimulants and anti-depressants. He is doing better off of medications, and interventions have been his ticket to success. He was misdiagnosed a lot, that's why I always tell moms to go to a neuropsychologist. in my opinion they do the most intensive testing. Whatever you decide to do, I'm glad you're here.
  7. @Midwestmom
    His diagnosis where done by different people,odd by this develop.clinic(we had sooooo many tests there),then the adhd was done by a child psychologist,and the borderline bipolar from a childpsychiatrist.He has seen different psychiatric-docs this pst year,and they all pretty much agreed on the diagnosis.We are moving in february and when we get to our new place,i will have him evaluation.again.
    There are no major illnesses in teh family,besides some mild depression(however my sisters little boy has almost the same issius as my son)
    His develpm. was pretty much on tsk,except he had alot of sensory issius.He was even diagnosed for that(forgot what that was called),but the only thing that is leftover from that now is that he can not handel loud noises and crouds for a long period of time.
    Thanks for your input,i will have him tested as soon as we are done moving(we are in the middel of the desert right now).
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome!