A party where my pity and I have taken center stage................... I usually try so hard to not count on things from outside sources to make myself feel whole and complete - but today has just really gotten to me. I don't know how it even happened, but suddenly I am really really sad. difficult child got out of phosph last week, so this month has been horrible, and I guess I need a little something from difficult child....some kudos, or hugs, or a nice gesture from him that says he appreciated my presence in his life. Instead - last night difficult child said after seeing a Mothers Day commercial, "Ya know I love ya Mom - I just don't believe in partcipating in society's pretend holidays." "Sure - whatever," I replied. Although inside I was thinking after all I have done for you, you can't swallow your pride and at least make me breakfast, pick me flowers, something? Then EX called to give me a time he would pick difficult child up today. I asked EX about how his dog and her new litter of puppies were, and he replied - "Geez, that dog (the mommy) is so F***ing needy - it is like being around you". This was it my friends - I steamed over this for - well, I am still steaming. This is the EX that has never given me a dime for child support - never! This is the EX that from the time difficult child was 4 until he was 16, had not seen him. I have taken care of everything - every financial resposibility, every medical issue, every school issue......I am the one that held difficult child through every meltdown, every breakdown, every suicidal rage.....and I am the one needy?????? Anyway, now I need to go suck it up and visit my mom on Mother's Day....and my sick father. (As you might now he was recently diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer, a very aggressive form, with a short life expectantancy.) It is all I can do to go over there today, because I feel already so overwhelmed, so saddended by my Dad's drastic deterioration. Then I will come back here, and mow the line, edge, mop floors, etc etc., all the things we single moms always do - but somehow today it will all be done with a bitter bead of resentment lodged in my throat. There has got to be a better way.