Again, cultural differences here ... for me, it would depend on whether he was being flippant.
The thing is, Steely, you need to think like a guy. You've been enjoying spending time with this guy, hopefully with a view to a longer-term relationship. But he's simply been enjoying spending time with you, and probably hasn't given a second thought as to where the relationship is going.
Also - a guy might say, "I like big butts and I cannot lie..." but in fact find himself surprisingly happy with a woman with snake hips and a flat rear end. What he says and what he reallty means can be different.
Or he might have sensed that you were looking longer-term than he was, and this was his hamfisted way to let you down. If so - VERY hamfisted.
I was watching one of those talk-show self-awareness programs (eiter Oprah or Dr Phil - mostly interchangeable) and on the show was a young girl and her boyfriend, both under-age, and both had been talking about their plans to have sex. The girl was saying, "I love him, we've been together for six months now, I really think he is the one and I want my first time to be with someone special, someone I love and think I could spend the rest of my life with."
The boy, on the other hand, also seemed a nice kid who said he really liked his girlfriend. But he was surprised she was thinking long-term; from his point of view, he was enjoying the relationship now, but had no thought of where they would be in six motnhs time, a years time, two years time.
Neither of these kids was being obnoxious, or rude, or manipulative. They seemed to really care for one another. But even though they had talked about their decision a lot, one thing they had NEVER talked about together was their separate expectations for the relationship. Because it's not something people tend to talk about, anywhere near as much as they perhaps should.
We make assumptions about the other party in the relationship, assumptions based on our own desires and our own expectations.
Guys in general are not thinking very far ahead. If they enjoy your company then that's great. They'll want to see you again.Whereas we women tend to think in terms of, "Is this the one? Will we be happy togeter in a long-term relationship?"
A lot of guys would run a mile if they could see this inside our heads. Unfortunately, a lot of us women are NOT good at hiding this. And a lot of men are not good at having a go at a longer-term relationship. Some men successfully duck out of commitment for most or all of their lives, the only times they ever seek out any sort of committed relationship is when they want a cheap servant. My ex-brother in law left my sister for another woman (for several other women) and married one of them. When his second wife died, he was back on my sister's doorstep asking her to take him back, because he needed someone to take care of him. My sister (thankfully) had another man by then, so my ex-brother in law has instead had his two daughters running around looking after him. His health problems are all self-inflicted due to his neglect of his health, his refusal to see doctors when he should (remember, we have free health care here so he can't claim he can't afford it) and his refusal to give up alcohol and smoking when it was obviously damaging his health. Now he wants someone to move in to cook for him, clean for him and change his dressings. For him and men like him, that is the only reason you ever get into a committed relationship.
Steely, you need to play this lightly. Have you enjoyed spending time with this guy? Apart from his remarks, I mean. Were you seeing him with some expectations? Or were you just enjoying passing the time with someone who was good company?
If you don't have expectations, you won't be disappointed. But neither should you ever be anyone's doormat, either.
ANy bloke who says he's only attracted to women who look good in a bikini - OK, he sounds a bit shallow. But it could also be his attempt to keep the conversation light and flippant. So - follow suit. YOU'RE only attracted to guys with a triangular torso, snake hips and a small, round firm rear end. Long legs etc. You get the drift.
I think he may have been sending a message to not let the relationship go too fast, he only wants to keep it light and free of entanglements. At least for now.
Two can play at that game.
For example, a Dr Phil show I saw today had a married couple on it, the wife a person with ongoing weight problems. She blamed a lot of her weight problems on her husband's constant nasty remarks. And they were nasty - he would comment about her large rear end, her lard.. you get the drift. This was a repeat visit - he was making a lot of effort to not make nasty remarks, and it really did seem he was trying hard. Not always succeeding, mind you. But it took Dr Phil some time to finally say, "You both need to have healthier eating habits. Just because your wife needs to eat healthy - you do too, it wouldn't hurt you to also lose a few pounds," he said to the husband.
I would have gone further, and here is where I would also encourage you, Steely, to speak your mind. But with a smile on your face. ANY remark about your appearance from any guy, throw it right back.
A guy calls you anything less than attractive? Well, boyo, you're no oil painting weither, so whatever each of us gets turned on by, it looks like for now, we have to put up with each other.
Steely, you need to boost your self-esteem. Find your own strength, don't look for it in anyone else. If you had felt strong enough, I'm sure you would have responded with either:
1) "Thank you, I'm glad you find me attractive." (because how can he get out of that one?)
Or
2) "Well, I'm only attracted to blonde lifeguards in budgie smugglers. But you'll have to do for now." [by the way - "budgie smugglers" are Aussie slang ofr speedo swimsuits, those really small briefs]
Steely, whatever you decide about this guy, whether you decide to put up with his boorishness in exchange for some male company (and the occasional release of sexual tension? Friends with benefits?) or chuck him over to put yourself back on the market again - always keep in mind what YOU want, and try to work out what HE wants, in the relationship.
And never, never, settle for second best because your own company should always be something you value also. Keep telling yourself - you are a worthwhile, attractive, independent and strong woman. You value yourself as a wonderful human being. Because when you can value yourself, it shows. And it makes it a lot easier for the right guy to value you also.
Marg