I am so ticked off with oldest son..very

[DammitJanet]

Ok, I realize Billy may have some form of issues but he also is a selfish son of a biscuit eater. He is 29 years old and we only charge him $100 to stay here. I think we make it way too easy but Tony wont back me up any more than that. I think we are going to have a a long talk about this.

Billy has all these electronic toys. It looks like NASA in his bedroom. Huge computer with two monitors, 22 inch HD LCD TV, new HD dvr Dish receiver (that he bought and added to my dish account without asking me). Yet he never cleans his room. It looks like hoarder paradise. Oh he also has a Nintendo DS. Or did.

That is what this story is all about.

Last week when we had Keyana here I had bought her a game for the DS. She was bored and I got out this DS game. I was going to save it for Xmas and get her a used DS from a pawn shop but I decided to try it on his DS and see if she could actually play it. Well this game was too advanced for her. I didnt see the age rating...it said E but it had reading in it so it really should have been for at least 8 year olds.

I told Billy, I am going to go try to find a used game somewhere, maybe Gamestop, and ask for something for 3/4 year olds that doesnt require reading, and lets see if she can do that before I actually buy her a DS for herself. He heard me say this.

HE SOLD HIS DS THIS WEEK!!!!!!!

He never asked me if I wanted it. He got $20 bucks off a Playstation 2 at Gamestop by turning in the DS. He says he told me. He didnt. I would have given him $20 bucks. He said, well I figured you would have wanted to get her one of the more expensive ones with the touch screens anyway. WHAT? If she cant even play the thing? If I didnt even get the chance to see if she can handle it? Why would I even buy it when you cant take them back?

How selfish!!!!

Well, Im telling you what. I am going to get something different for her this Xmas. Vtech has put two new things out. One is called the Mobigo which is like a DS for 3 to 8 year olds with a slide out keypad and you can download games from the internet or buy game cartridges at the store. And they have something called the Vreader which is an Ereader for 3 to 7 year olds. Its awesome. It reads to them, highlights words, has pictures that move, plays games, they can touch the words and they explain what the words mean. Its cool. Im gonna get those for her and I will be danged if Im buying anything for him. He just blew it. And he better start saving to leave. I want him gone.

 

[klmno]

How annoying!! I bet he never thought twice about it- whether he remembered or not. I can't believe Tony won't back you up on charging him more- his addition to utility bills alone probably cost more than that. Is he eating food you all are buying?

As far as used games or game stations- crai***ist, hon, really- I recently sold difficult child's xbox 360 for an amount I was happy with but almost half of what games**p would have charged.

PS- Does she get to play games on the easy child? How old is she again? I have some early educational easy child games for pre-school/kindergarten age- or at least I don't remember them selling yet- I could just stick in the mail to you if she's old enough for them. Can she count any or started sounding letters and groups of letters out yet? (Sorry- I don't recall exactly how old she is and you might have it listed but I'm half brain dead right now.)

 

[DammitJanet]

Shes 4, just turned 4. She is starting Pre-k this year. Because we started the lottery a few years ago, we have a program now in the schools called More at 4 which is a 4 year old pre-K program that just about all 4 year olds qualify for. I havent met any that dont including teachers kids, two parent families, quite well off families, etc. So obviously it isnt income based. Well maybe it is but the income is like well up there and there are other things that can get them in too. I know I met a lady at Keyana's dance class who is married and works at central office (SD) and her dtr is going to Pre-K. She was approved because her daughter had never been in childcare before. Oh, hubby is a Dr.

 

[Hound dog]

Hmph!

Honestly if he can afford all that junk he can afford his own place. Maybe he does have issues, so be it. But does not mean he can't at least make an all out effort to live independently. If Tony gives you flak you can always use Travis as an example.lmao I know he's got more going on than Billy. Yeah ok, so that's probably not fair.......but hey sometimes you gotta knock em over the head.

If Travis could manage away at college completely on his own........and survive.......and do it pretty darn well considering he had basically no money at all.......Well, odds are Billy will probably manage. But you will never know if he can if he never is made to try. Has been my philosophy with Travis. May turn out to be the best thing for all of you including Billy......may actually be the best thing in the world for him. lol

Hoovers, yep. Thankfully when it comes to nieces and nephews Travis usually thinks of them 1st. So has not been an issue. We're currently using his TV cuz ours up and died and there is no money to replace it. He may have thrown a fit before going off to live on his own.......but volunteered it to us. lol easy child was soooooooooo thrilled (sarcastic) to get all of his old legos for Darrin lmao.

I'd get her the one more age appropriate that doesn't require reading. She'll have more fun with it anyway.

Hugs

 

[klmno]

If she is allowed on a easy child I have a couple of things that would be age appropriate for her. I can't guarantee what shape they are in but they should would ok. If you want me to send them, PM me with an address.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh I would appreciate that so much Klmno! One thing she is supposed to work on this year in Pre-K is computer skills. Ha...lol. Teaching young I guess. She does play one mine from time to time but it mostly just learning to use the mouse to open up pictures...lol. She is a bit behind in mouse control...lol. Is that a learning disability?

Child needs a para to help with controlling computer mouse. LMAO.

 

[witzend]

Does Tony help you pay the bills, and does he have an idea of what your budget is like?

 

[donna723]

"She is a bit behind in mouse control...lol. Is that a learning disability?"

Ha! That reminds me of my sons very first report card he got in kindergarten. It wasn't really grades, more rating them on the skills that they were supposed to have mastered by the beginning of kindergarten. He was great on all of them but one ... "Standing on one foot and hopping"! I wasn't too upset because I didn't think it would hinder him too much in his later life. In fact, I've been told that many people who can't stand on one foot and hop are still able to lead a completely normal life ...

 

[DammitJanet]

Tony knows all about the bills. I am not sure exactly what the deal is with him and Billy. It really puzzles me because he is not the bio father but yet he is much more lenient or over protective of Billy than he ever would be or is of the other two...especially Cory. Jamie can do no wrong, Billy should be coddled and Cory is the devil himself.

In my mind, Jamie is a pain in the rear, Billy is a selfish know it all who needs to get his act together and move out, and Cory is a person who has messed himself up but is trying with extremely difficult strikes against him including some physical problems that arent his fault. And I think we need to step back from all of them. Tony thinks we should never step back from Billy, he is too fragile but that Cory should just be dumped like yesterdays trash. Huh?

 

[Lothlorien]

We got my son a DS when he was 4, because Missy had to have one. He couldn't play too many of the games. The best games were the Game Boy games that fit in the DS. They were easier for him to do. He's 7 now and plays the more advanced ones. The V-Smile is a good option for a 4 year old. I just gave ours to my niece, because Missy and Mighty Mouse have grown out of the Vsmile games.

 

[DammitJanet]

This Mobigo is by Vtech and it looks like it will be much better for her. It has the touch screen like a DSI or whichever is the newest or whatever...I am so not up on gaming systems...lol. It also talks to them so they dont have to read. It also has a flip out keyboard like a cellphone so as she learns to type she will learn that. It asks them to touch letters in some games. I like that you can go on the Vtech website and download more games too. Im gonna see if her momma will get her the Vreader so she will have that at her house and I get her the Mobigo for here.

 

[Hound dog]

I just have to LMAO!!! Our sweet lil Keyana is so spoiled hahahahaa. Such a lucky little girl to have such adoring grandparents. Nothing wrong with spoiling, mind you, been doing my fair share since I've been out of school. Went to yard sales with Aubrey and Darrin today and came home with treasures unbelievable, both kids were in heaven. lol Nana maybe spent 20 bucks. They are so much fun to go with........both really get in to yard sales and stretching the dollars I give them......and talking Nana into the absolute must have wonderful toy that they can't buy for a dollar. I get such a kick out of it. Nichole keeps asking why I bother to give them a dollar........neither of them usually spend much of it.........well dunno it's just a fun thing we do together, just like I did with my grandma. Some things are just like that. lol

Hmmm. Not sure but sounds like Tony has a bad case of over compensation where the boys are concerned. It's awesome that he's such a great dad to them and genuinely loves them, but he's proven that. Funny but when Travis went off to school the person I had the most issues with was husband........the last person in the world I expected it from!! The man liked to have driven me nuts. lol I dunno how but you're going to have to work with Tony to see that making Billy become a man to the best of his ability is a very good thing for him. If he goes out, tries and fails.........well then you know either he needs a better plan or he can't do it. He can't stay in limbo forever. Not fair to Billy and not fair to you all either.

Hugs

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry that this kind of selfishness is so much a part of Billy. Seems to me that if Billy can hold a job at radio shack, which requires some very technical knowledge, plus how to get along with customers, ability to sell (I won't buy at ours because no one in there cares a fig if you have questions - they want to push the items they get a big commission on and if you don't want those they don't have time for you at all, to the point of fighting over who HAS to ring you up instead of playing the computer game! NOT joking at ALL - had it happen once, then husband said it had to be a fluke and only they carried something, then it happened again to us and the 2 people ahead of us. As soon as the guy stopped his game and signed in to the computer and rang it up I did a meanie. I said "HOW much? The same brand is XX lower at Walmart. I am going there, come on husband!" and walked out. It WAS that much left at WM, but husband would have paid the radio shack higher price because the guy stopped his game!!!! Not me, not AFTER he argued in front of us several times about how HE shouldn't have to stop, and even asked us to wait just five minutes until he was done with "this round". Not not not not not!!

Anyway - Billy should have all the skills he needs for the most part to live on his own. Budgetting will be hard because he doesn't have to. WHy not if you cannot kick the kid out, start dividing all the utilities at least in 1/3 and have him pay 1/3 of them - but if he tells you to turn things off or not to do something because it ups the bills then he needs to find a way to make sure HIS things are unplugged all the time.

Remind Billy that it is said that hi tech devices drain a LOT of power even if they are plugged in and NOT turned on. So if he wants to HAVE all that stuff he needs to UNPLUG it ALL - or figure out which circuit breaker is for his room and flip it if he isn't home. Doing that for a month should give both Billy and Tony an idea of how much his toys are draining YOUR pockets. Then if Billy wants to pay that OVER his $100 he can have the toys. Otherwise you need to find creative ways to make him miserable - and say you just "didn't think he would mind" because "I told you like you told me about the game system and other things that benefit just you".

If Tony has a real problem I am SURE you are creative enough to find ways to let him know what you think about how he favors Billy Who Must Be Coddled and Jamie Who Can Do No Wrong over Cory - who HAS messed up and is working super hard to do things right in spite of some VERY PAINFUL problems. Maybe remind Tony that if his back hurts he moans and groans, but Cory hurts like that or worse just from standing up and HE isn't complaining about working at Pizza Inn!

There has to be some way to help Tony see how this is unfair all around. Esp because it helps keep Billy a child, or less than a man, and encourages Jamie's selfishness/his wife's selfishness even when it hurts YOU so much. Heck, Jamie and his wife insist on YOUR bed and they cannot even give YOU a decent place to stay or food to eat when you go to their home. Maybe reminding Tony of this, and how Cory tries now to make you feel welcome, and at least cooked when he had to stay with you during his house arrest, maybe htis will help you get through to tony.

in my opinion Tony may be insisting that Billy stay at home because Tony is afraid something will happen to you or your health and then he won't be able or know how to cope, esp with the budget/bills/household stuff. That fear can do a LOT to keep a parent from encouraging a child to spread his wings. Esp if the child is comfy at home in the nest!

 

[svengandhi]

My 20 year old is on his way to Billy-dom so I feel for you. on the other hand, I would not give a 4 year old a DS of any sort. They don't need toys like that. The Vtech sounds more age appropriate.

 

[Marguerite]

I've only skimmed much of the posts, sorry. But Janet, there is something you might not have realised. The only reason I do, is I also have kids who have gone through the gamut of deciding on the various versions of DS, the pros and cons.

I suspect what Jamie sold was the first edition Nintendo DS. It's old, clunky and difficult to hod with small hands. He may have genuinely thought it too unsuitable for a small child, in so many ways. Also the newer games are being made for the newer versions of DS. Even second hand games are increasingly incompatible with the oldest versions of the DS.

I remember when the DS Lite came out, it was thinner, lighter and actually more robust than difficult child 3's original DS. But he still looked after his DS until it finally broke a hinge with long-term use. He then bought himself a DS TouchScreen, loves it.

The older DS machine will operate old Gameboy game packs, but as I said, they are prone to breakage. The heaviness of the thing when you open it means the main place they break is the hinge. A younger child especially, is far more likely to break it there.

So check it our before you blow up at him. Involve him in your thoughts on this - and yes, I do think there could also have an element of total thoughtlessness - he saw the deal (frankly, $20 for a old-style DS is not that much of a discount although it indicates how they are not so well-valued these days) and acted impulsively.

I think you need to re-tink how much board he gets charged, or alternatively, require some more involvement in running the home (chores, for example). His room is his space, leave it alone. But he must not encroach onto the rest of the house, and as a member of the household, when it's all hands on deck to get jobs done, that means him too. That's the flip side of cheap rent - you pay it in other ways.

Marg

 

[DammitJanet]

Marg...I would have thought NOTHING of him selling it if he had waited just till we got her again so I could go get ONE age 3/4 game from a used place to try on her. That way I would have known for sure. Also, I probably would have seen this Mobigo and thought it was better for her anyways. It isnt that I expected him to give his up to her. Not at all. I just wanted a chance to try the game that didnt take reading out on the game. It also ticks me off that a grown man of his age thinks that he needs another gaming system when he doesnt have his own place. Good lord he has a monster computer built for gaming. He had a Ps3 but he sold it because he got bored with it! So why buy a Ps2? I badly want a Wii. Im not getting one anytime in the near future. My dad has one. I think my dad was about to offer it to Tony for me but Billy spoke up to him and said that I would never use it!!! Arghhh!

I dont have a clue why Billy is able to work retail. You would think that wouldnt be a fit at all but customers love him. He has people who are repeats who only come in to see him. He has gone out and set up systems for folks who cant do it on their own. Fixes cell phones for people who get confused, especially the more elderly folks.

 

[Fran]

difficult child's evaluation in pre K said he couldn't walk backwards on his heel. We laughed thinking that he just won't do that. Of course, they should have said that it was an indicator of non typical neurological development. Results should be explained to the parents instead of assuming we understand what those abnormal tests indicate. Same with toe walking.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well, Keyana can skip, she can hop, she does tippy toe a bit but I think thats because she is constantly dancing. Now she is doing her dance moves learned in class but you wouldnt know it unless you knew she was taking dance...lol. She twirls and flits and dances on one foot across the room with one hand in the air following it with her eyes. Quite comical until you realize she is doing a routine she is taught...lol.

 

[Star*]

I had NO idea you liked biscuits. UGH......

 

[Marguerite]

YOu can never predict what a kid can or can't do. easy child 2/difficult child 2 has been diagnosed with dyspraxia and problems with kinesthesia. And yet she has amazing balance and has been stiltwalking professionally on one metre high stilts, since she was 8 years old. She also is borderline Aspie, yet is loved by customers.

difficult child 1 was very shy, preferred to be away from the public. But once he knew what he was doing (when a volunteer at the zoo) he found he was able to interact with the public with no difficulty.

I think you hit the nail on the head, Janet, when you said a grown man shouldn't need another game system. When you're dealing with any level of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), "grown man" takes a lot longer before they're finished developing.

What I could suggest, is ask him if any of his gaming friends have an old DS you could borrow to test the game.

Marg