I can't take this anymore

[jenluvsdan]

I do not know where to turn anymore. I feel alone and like there is no way out. My husband appears to be addicted to pain pills and I am stuck taking care of his son with no support and I am tired of the phone calls from school saying there is problems. difficult child has pitted me and husband against each other and talked a teacher into giving him some money (coin) for something at school (I thought this was pretty unusual). The other kids are doing really well and I feel they are the only reason I am not in a

 

[Hound dog]

jen

You're not alone. You have us.

(((((hugs))))) You certainly have your hands full.

Is there an IEP in place at school? If not, you will want to look into getting one put into place. Could stepgfg be in need of a medication adjustment?

Hang in there.

 

[crazymama30]

The school sounds as frustrated as you are. I know my difficult child's school is always asking me if I know of anything to help them deal with him. I finally told them IF I knew of anything I would call them and tell them.

You need to take care of yourself somehow. I know this is hard, but if you do not, everything will fall apart. Even if it is just a hot bath, do something.

 

[jenluvsdan]

Thank you very much but looking at your difficult child I know this is where I am headed and I am scared to death and feel like curling up and crying but know my husband won't care.

 

[totoro]

I am sorry you are feeling so lost and alone right now. I don't think there is anything worse than not having the support of your partner. You need some kind of relief. Your husband needs to get help and you may need help for yourself as well... just someone to talk with about all of this. You need to be OK for the kids.
One step at a time, find your voice and do what you have to, to help your family.

Hang in there we are here to listen and offer hugs and what advice we can...

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Jen,
so sorry... {{cyberhugs}}
Nomad has some good advice. Just attack one or two issues at a time. I made myself some clip art and text that I taped to my wall... it's a polka dotted elephant, and it reads, "How do you eat an elephant?"
I look at it every day, sometimes several times a day.

 

[everywoman]

I am sorry. I know what you are going through. When my difficult child first starting having major issues, my husband became addicted to oxycontin. His addiction lasted for five years and ended when he moved on to street drugs because he had lost his job and insurance. By the time I figured in all out, I was $15,000 dollars in debt, my home was in foreclosure, my car was being reposessed, and my bills were all three months behind. difficult child took a turn for the worse. My grandfather passed, then my bio-father, then my grandmother got sick. I gave husband an ulitmatim---get clean or get out. I was devasted and am in many ways not over it today---but life is better. He sought treatment and has been clean since. My grandmother lived to see him recovered. After recovery, he tried to become the parent he should have been, but unfortunately it didn't work---he has had to redefine his role as a father. I am a better, stronger person because of what I went through, but I will never live like that again. If I can help in anyway---pm me, please.

 

[Fran]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>Welcome. You have a multitude of challenges on your plate.
Can you relinquish the parenting of difficult child to husband?
I don't have experience with addiction so I won't offer any. I don't know if I could parent effectively if the expectation of my mate was that he didn't have to be involved or care and I was to pull a rabbit out of my hat.

Try to break things down into manageable issues.
You have an addicted person in your home. What should you do?

You have marital problems that are related to above but are more involved? What do you want to do?

Your husband's son is struggling? What does husband want to do about it? What should you do about it?

What is best for your family? Your other 4 children must be hurting to have this tension and addiction in your home.

You can't handle all of these issues in one day. Pick one and make a plan. Write it down if it helps.

I'm sorry how things are going. Having a difficult child is tough, having more than one multiplies the stress so much more. Especially if it's supposed to be the other half of a responsible parenting team.</span>

 

[Alisonlg]

Everyone has offered some wonderful advice. The only thing I wanted to add, and this is coming from someone who is currently batteling a degree of sadness triggered by my difficult child's recent crisis and admittance to the psychiatric hospital...

you said, "I am scared to death and feel like curling up and crying but know my husband won't care."

That came from a very hurting heart. PLEASE take care of yourself and PLEASE keep an eye on yourself. Above all else, make sure that YOU are OK through whatever is going on in your life.

Parenting a difficult child is very hard and very trying, as is dealing with the strain on a marriage...mix in the suspected addiction you believe your husband has...and any other issues you are facing, and it all just plain sucks. It's hard for anyone to handle, so we all need to be extra careful and loving with ourselves. And we're all going to go through bouts of anger, sadness, and every range of emotion.

But, if you find yourself "stucK" in this sadness...in this hurt...PLEASE talk to someone. Because, no matter what, YOU are the most important person in your life and YOU need to take care of YOU.

::::BIG HUGS::::

 

[Hanging-On]

Oh I think I know how you feel, and the pain is very deep. You've gotten good advice here, don't know what to add. Just wanted to show my support. {{{HUGS}}} :flower:

 

[Wiped Out]

I don't have any new advice but wanted to offer a cyber hug. Please take care of you during this very trying time.