I don't get it . . . the p-doctor went ahead and prescribed all of the same drugs . . .

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kathy813, May 24, 2010.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As you may recall, husband had called difficult child's mental health clinic to tell them that she was doctor shopping, abusing her medications, drinking while taking the Celexa, Xanax, Ambien, and Adderall, and selling some of them to make money.

    Well, I guess it was all for naught because she called husband today to tell him that she had seen the p-doctor today and he had given her all of her regular prescriptions. She was quite proud of herself.

    I just don't get it. When they have been informed that she is drinking and using prescriptions drugs which is a combination that could kill her . . . why would they continue to give her access to those drugs? And why continue Adderall which they know is used as a street drug to get high if we told them that she was selling it and half of the prescription was gone in two weeks?

    I told husband that at least we tried and if she overdoses its on them. husband said that she seemed less desperate today. I wonder how many Xanax she had taken.

  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, #1, difficult child may not be telling the complete truth. #2, it's hard to say what the ethics of the doctor refusing to prescribe medications would be, based on a family member's word, alone. It could be that the doctor's taken a "wait and see" approach, perhaps the scrips were for lower doses, or have no refills and the doctor is requiring difficult child to check in more regularly to monitor her use, or maybe she is instituting some other "watch" plan on difficult child that you may not be aware of.

    It's very frustrating, I know .. Oldest doctor shopped a lot for pain pills. All I can say is that eventually, they doctors wised up. Luckily she didn't have any dangerous overdoses before that happened. She hasn't abused them in awhile as far as I know.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Kathy, I really would stop answering her calls. It seems as if all she does lately is needle you guys. :919Mad:

  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Suz ~ I haven't answered any of her calls. husband is the one who can't seem to stop answering her calls. I hear everything second hand. I guess I could just tell husband not to tell me anything she says.
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    I'm sure he needs to tell someone how outrageous she is.....I thought I'd read on another thread that husband had finally agreed not to answer the phone but I must be mistaken. It's unfortunate that he doesn't accept that listening to her is feeding her need to continue to be outrageous; it's not helping her at all.

    I don't know how you stand not being on the same page with your husband, Kathy. You are a stronger woman than I am, that's for sure. That was one of the reasons my marriage broke up- I just couldn't tolerate not having a united front and always feeling like my efforts were sabotaged by my ex.

    Big hugs,
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah, I thought he was not going to answer her calls, too. He has blocked her text messages.

    I don't know about being any stronger than you. I just refuse to let difficult child ruin my marriage so I kind of detach from both her and husband in these situations. If he wants this chaos in his life, so be it.

    by the way, there is some background that might make you understand why this is so difficult for husband. His brother was also very troubled and an alcoholic who disappeared for 10 years and no one in his family knew if he was alive or dead. He resurfaced for a year or two but husband refused to see him while he was still drinking. His brother died alone at the age of 42 surrounded by liquor bottles without ever seeing husband again.

    So I guess I understand why husband is having such a hard time detaching. It also helps me to have this board so I vent instead of taking out my anger on him. Does that make sense?

    Thanks for the hugs.

    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It does make sense, Kathy. I think if I were in your shoes I would have to tell husband to not tell me these things anymore. I did that with my husband. This was when M was younger and we still were obligated to keep touch. But he never told me if M called, and only told me if I asked. It's pretty much the same thing now. M is trying to draw me in more and more again, but I hand off to husband. husband knows that it is far too upsetting to me to tell me what is going on, and "a happy wife is a happy life". He deosn't want to make anything hard on himself, so he doesn't make anything hard on me.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I see several different problems here.

    Number one is the medication issue. I dont think the doctor is going to completely change the patients medication regime just on the advice of some people who say they are the parents of the patient. That may make the doctor a bit more leery and put in some safeguards such as making sure that the patient agrees to random drug screenings and getting the medications at one pharmacy. SOS for pain medications and psychiatric medications.

    The other issue you have is about your dtr calling and husband feeling like he has to take the call and either tell you or not. That is something I cannot help you decide. I can see both sides here.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree that the doctor is not going to stop giving her the prescriptions on the basis of a phone call saying she is abusing them. It is not an ethical thing to do, or a safe one. There are pain clinics that will act this way. It is not safe to be a patient there because stopping some of these medications cold turkey is very dangerous. It can kill you. This is why so many rehab programs have a medical detox if you are on anything other than alcohol.

    Calling the doctor was a good thing to do, but you cannot expect immediate results. While you ARE her parent and are telling the truth, the situation could be very different. A guest in your home who happens to see a medicine bottle could get the name of your doctor and pharmacy and call to say you are abusing them. There ARE difficult children in this world who would do this as payback or because they think it is funny. Heck, my own bro once said he was going to tell the cops I was driving under the influence because the medications I was taking. He was mad because I told him I did not want him around my child if he had been drinking, not even one beer.

    The doctor will be keeping an eye on difficult child's chart to see if she is showing the signs of abuse. Drug testing will also happen, most likely. If he doesn't do these things and the DEA finds out they will cause many problems and likely suspend his license or make it provisional. IF they get involved.

    Would it help if you and husband saw a therapist to discuss the phone calls? You seem to understand some of his point of view, but it could help you each understand the other better.

    Sending lots of hugs.