I don't know what I need...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by InsaneCdn, Dec 7, 2011.

  1. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Its nothing new.
    Probably just the wear and tear of 10 years of fighting.
    Combined with years of limited sleep, not enough exercise, advancing age (I'm not OLD, but some days... I wonder if somebody didn't add an extra decade or two)
    Ten years... of two difficult child kids (GFGness didn't show up until school started), a semi-difficult child husband, my own difficult child-ness, and then... two certified-difficult child dogs.

    Who are all driving me crazy.

    A house that there is no way to clean, because there isn't time... between work, and difficult child-care, and husband-relationship-care...

    Work piling up that is overdue, and no way to squeeze more hours into a day.

    I just can't get enough done.

    Have no idea if I need:
    - a swift kick in the seat of the pants
    - to be shipped off to some other planet as an unfixable human
    - two weeks of uninterrupted sleep


    any other creative ideas out there?
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I need 3 or 4 clones of myself.

    If you find out how to get 2 weeks of sleep be sure to post it. I'd love to go away somewhere and sleep for 2 weeks straight. Maybe you could combine being shipped of planet with the 2 weeks of sleep.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    {{{{hugs}}}} I hate that feeling. I want to just bury my head in the sand and make it all go away when I get like that................ I usually just do ONE thing, one little thing somehow starts it feeing better.... then another little thing. I dont lt myself think I have to do it all. I know it sounds stupid and simple, but for me it works. If I dont do that I start avoiding phone calls, stop checking my email etc.... I really do try to hide away.

    Last Christmas was the worst so I am trying this year not to go there. It is so much better this year. I think you all are a part of that.

    Can you think of a time you felt like this and think of anything that helped? Love and caring thoughts.... Dee
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Baby steps.......Baby steps.....Baby steps. That and prioritize. Do what HAS to be done. Housecleaning can wait (I should know, all non-difficult child time is ME time). My house is being overrun by dustbunnies and cobwebs. If people don't like it, they can clean it themselves (which NO ONE offers to do) or don't come over (which NO ONE does anyway). Sorry, beyond that, "I got nothin" but boy do I hear ya.
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Emergency action required! You must create half an hour, at least, a day that is just for "you" - in that time, you let all responsibility and worry drop. You take the dogs for a walk (in all that snowy wilderness outside your log cabin), listen to music, read a book, meditate, visit a girlfriend (or have her come over), go shopping just for you... How can I, you may well cry... when there is this to be done, that to be done. Well, you can because... going through life like an automaton doing all that needs to be done is not the point of anything. Here is one of those poems that your mother may have liked:

    What is this life if, full of care,
    We have no time to stand and stare.
    No time to stand beneath the boughs
    And stare as long as sheep or cows.
    No time to see, when woods we pass,
    Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
    No time to see, in broad daylight,
    Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
    No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
    And watch her feet, how they can dance.
    No time to wait till her mouth can
    Enrich that smile her eyes began.
    A poor life this if, full of care,
    We have no time to stand and stare.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    You started right by asking!

    A few minutes here and there just for you, and then maybe they will glom together into a whole hour...

    ...And a clone or two.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Have no idea if I need:
    - a swift kick in the seat of the pants
    - to be shipped off to some other planet as an unfixable human
    - two weeks of uninterrupted sleep

    All three?

    Ditto what Malika said.

    Your first priority needs to be meeting your own needs. No one else can meet your needs and you can't effectively care for others when your needs are being ignored. It took me a very long time to realize that. I had heard it a million times, "Take care of you first" but always felt pulled in so many other directions that there was little time left to care for me first. And often, that is the case - it's a reality.

    However, just like scheduling an appointment in your date book, you need to schedule "IC time" to rejuvenate, recharge your batteries.

    I realized, quite by accident, that my H likes when I need his help. Not in the "can you fix that squeaky door" way, but if I need his support or call on him to take over when I am just unable. It wasn't until the later years of difficult child's BS that I threw up my hands and just said, "Can you please handle this?" and then leave the room, go for a drive alone or lie down for a power nap with my white noise sound machine at full blast to drown everyone/everything out. This natural occurrence actually helped mine and H's relationship a bit because he felt needed and was contributing more into the parenting end of things. It made me appreciate him more as well in that regard instead of me shouldering all the parenting. It's exhausting and I hadn't realized just how much I was leaving him out in the parenting department.

    The house? Can you splurge and have a cleaning crew come in once a quarter and do the deep cleaning stuff (cobwebs, scrubbing, etc), making the weekly and monthly stuff not feel so overwhelming. If you call some cleaning companies, many of them have introductory specials, spring cleaning type of specials. Or, alternatively, call every one out for weekend cleaning spree. Even little ones can do some cleaning. Buy a box of HUGE garbage bags and do a clean out - toss anything that hasn't been used or played with in the last 9 months. Buy some cheap bins at the dollar store and put other things into storage to declutter. If your house is less cluttered, it makes daily living easier and helps create an atmosphere of calm. And then, make a chart up for daily, weekly, monthly chores that need to be done and assign those jobs so you're not carrying the whole burden of maintenance. easy child is my bathroom girl, H takes care of the outdoors (shoveling snow, raking, cleanup in the yard, etc) and garbage. We all do our own laundry, but I do the household laundry as well and clean the house. I often ask H to help me, but I prefer to do things my way so I happily take on more of the inner household stuff.

    Do you have the resources (family or money) to get away to a hotel one night a month? Just to be responsibility free and sleep in, etc.? Can you have family or friends take the kids for a night for some alone time? Maybe you could start a cooperative situation with a neighbor or friend or family member to get that time alone.

    You have to keep in mind that everything will not work its way out all at once. You need to get a plan together and make it happen. That doesn't mean you won't falter along the way or slip back into a period of feeling overwhelmed but you may feel better as you gain more control over these issues. Perhaps making a list of most important to least important, make a list of age appropriate chores for the kiddos, schedule YOU time and then do it! Bring H on board, supporting one another is a relationship builder.

    Hugs and you don't need to be 'fixed' - you're perfect as you are, just exhausted.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The $$ issue dictates the hours of work - as in, as much as I can get before contract runs out.

    Looking after me... well, I try.
    After a year of pounding on doors, still no psychiatrist or therapist for me.
    Oh, it would be available... if I had $$.

    I DO take time for me.
    But the only way to get that, is to take it out of sleep.
    Sleep is a major problem... because I've run on too little for too long, I'm bolt awake after 5.5 or 6 hours.
    Sleep in? forget it.
    Start early? not an option... I can't sleep until the rest are out cold. (husband covers the early-morning ears shift)

    Stuff for me: reading, meditation, and my nightly bath.

    I just feel like the whole brain-works is gummed up with something... swimming in mud, if you Know what I mean?.
  9. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    You sound exhausted. In need of a holiday. A sleeping holiday... I think exhaustion can accumulate and lead to this kind of nervous fatigue. Wish you didn't have to work such long hours if it is leading to this kind of existence... Any way to downsize?? I really do believe quality of life should take precedence over money, but I realise of course that you have to be practical and realistic, with two children.
    If it isn't too personal a question :), what time do you go to bed?
  10. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Okay, in 2010 I had some kind of breakdown, mind wouldn't work right, I was incredibly stressed and my thought process just wasn't working. I was afraid to damage myself anymore by pushing, so I did whatever I could everyday and no more, I didn't worry about the house, and I took time out to myself everyday. Walking to the kitchen and the bathroom seemed like a chore. I went to bed everynight at 9 pm. Not kidding either. Went home after work and put on pajamas. I got stronger and felt better from sleep and was able to start on the house when I wasn't so overwhelmed and depressed. Take care of yourself and find the time to get some restful sleep. It's very important for good mental health. I feel it when I don't get enough sleep, my patience level is zip then too. Sending hugs your way.
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Malika -
    It makes no difference what time I go to bed.
    If I go at 8, I'm awake at 2.
    If I go at 10, I'm awake at 4.

    As I must be up at 5:30... I go to bed at 11:30.

    Realistically, there's no way to be in bed before 10:30 anyway.
    husband does the morning run with the dogs (5:00).
    I do the night run (10:30 or so).
    (The kids do the ones in between except lunch on school days.)
  12. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Then I fear I have no more suggestions. What is your sense of what you need? (64,000 dollars can be sent to me via Western Union)
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Bartender! :wine:

    If there's any way you can get out with a few gal pals one night a month and just relax for a few hours, I highly recommend it. I have a group I meet with for a monthly rotating dinner at someone's house. We used to play bunco but now we call it our WINE group (Women In Need of Entertainment). We sit, we eat, we drink, we talk, we laugh, we complain, we laugh some more, we drink some more, we laugh LOUDER... you get the idea. Very therapeutic. This month we're having a simple potluck and gift exchange -- the hostess' husband is taking our picture to preserve for posterity. :winks:
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    gcv...that is what I wish I was able to do. I would love to have friends like that in my life locally. If we all lived in areas close to each other it would be wonderful. I would adore being able to jump in the car and have a great time on a Friday or Saturday night with a group of you guys. That sounds heavenly. Better than any therapy!
  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Have you been to your psychiatrist? Does he think you may be suffering from depression that an SSRI would possibly help?

    HUGS & I am thinking about you.
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Do I even have a psychiatrist?
    Still working on that.
    Not that depression hasn't crossed my mind... but I'm not convinced. Too many other options...

    Social life? Now there's an oxymoronic statement!
    The reason I spend time on this board... is because its the ONLY connection I have, outside of immediate family.
    Not good. Sure. But absolutely NO easy solutions.
    Friends? never had those in my life.
    Family? might as well not have... except for our little household.
    And its been that way all my life, so its nothing new.

    The whole sleep thing is definitely part of it. But I refuse to give up my one social connection (here) just to get more sleep. Both are important!

    (thanks for listening while I mutter and rant...)