I don't know what to do - can't live like this anymore - please help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Weary for Hope, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. I haven't posted for months - but I don't know where to turn. My husband and I live in an abusive relationship where we are bullied, physically asaulted and verbally abused. (The **** YOU!! Text is the LEAST of my worries) At times difficult child can be really sweet, but he is scary and unpredictable and it is absolutely draining the life out of us. He attacked me 2 1/2 wks ago and the bruise is finally almost invisible. He attacked my husband yesterday right before he got on the bus, throwing a hockey stick that just missed his head, among doing other things.

    We still haven't gotten a diagnosis for him. Started a new therapist on Friday, further away. (difficult child almost didn't go). Today husband and I see her and she will refer us to a psychiatrist. Our son saw one once before (this was the psychiatrist that upon first meeting him asked him to draw a picture and then shredded it right in front of him - and told us, in front of him that he suspects mild BiPolar (BP).

    We have called 911 a few times and the time they made him take the ambulance, we got a huge bill for the ambulance and the few hours at the hospital that we still haven't been able to pay. (and they didn't do a darn thing for him). There is a number 211 that I can call here, but once they refused to come because he was violent (???) (it is emergency psychiatric services. Last night he got crazy again and I called 211 and he coerced me into hanging up (terrible, I know, but it is scary being alone with him and I was just trying to stay safe).

    Help is taking so long to get here. Even if we get a psychiatric referral today - how much longer are we going to have to wait for life to not be so horrible? I know medication isn't everything and it takes so long to get figured out. People have warned me about that.

    Is there a place he can go - away from us where we will be safe? Is there such thing as an emergency psychiatric evaluation? This is getting worse and worse. He is manipulative, controlling, disrespectful and abusive. It is tearing our lives and our marriage apart.

    Thanks for any ideas you offer.

    -Weary for Hope
  2. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    I am so sorry. I just posted something similar. It doesn't sound like we are as violent as you at home, but we can relate to a degree. I am sure many people out there will have suggestions and supportive words. You are not alone. We are here. You are in an incredibly difficult situation to which there are not perfect answers. The system is not set up for children like ours.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I have no oanswers for you, but I just wanted to give you gentle ((((hugs)))). I know that this is hard. Is there anyone who can calm difficult child down when he rages? Anyone that you can call who can come to the house and sit with you when you are alone with him?
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can only send you caring thoughts and hugs. My expertise does not include violence so if I tried to provide helpful answers the chances are my response would not be fact based. I hope soon others who have been in your shoes will post on.

    I'm sorry I don't remember your prior posts so I will ask some questions...some that perhaps you have already answered. If so, sorry. I just feel compelled to reach out and hope that something "clicks". I see your son is on the edge of alolescence. Has he been aggressive for very long? How does he do in school? Have you attempted to have a neuro/psychological examination done (they are expensive...but sometimes the school will pay most or all of the costs if he has an IEP). You don't show any medications in your signature. Has he been seen by a Psychiatrist in the past?

    Lots of questions and no answers. Sorry I haven't offered much. My intentions and hugs are sincere. DDD
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Weary for Hope, I am so sorry. Gentle hugs.
    I agree with-Bunny, that there's got to be someone who can calm your difficult child. Who does he respond to best? Or is it best if he is left alone? Does he have any particular triggers? (The word "no" is usually the main trigger.)
    Also, after his psychiatrist and therapist visits, do you reward him for going, with-a trip to McDonald's or something?
    One thing I try to do is reward my son for doing something right or good. NOT easy, I can tell you, when you want to either hit him back, or run away. But you're still the mom, Know what I mean?? Rewards go a long way.
    "Thank you for using words, difficult child. It is so much better than throwing a hockey stick. You are being very calm and grown up today."
    That kind of thing.
    Also, photograph your bruises next time (I hate to say it, but we all know there will be a next time.) Just in case you need evidence for soc svcs, the police, the dr, whatever. Keep a folder of dr appts and make copies of everything.
    Also, keep your cell ph with-you at all times, even in bed.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Call CPS. Tell them you have an abusive situation at home and need some help. They should be able to hook you up with all kinds of resources.

  7. Jody

    Jody Active Member


    I am sorry that you are going thru this. I did go thru this also with my difficult child daughter. I took her to our local police station and did a lock-out. I had called 911 many times and the police had taken photographs of my bruises that difficult child had given me. I got to a point I could not take one more day of her mental or physical abuse. She had to leave. It was heartbreaking because she could be so sweet somedays. But I was afraid that I was going to lose control and hurt her. if not her than in time I would have certainly hurt myself. To have a life I had to do something. It turned out to be the best thing. She went into care 1 1/2 years ago and just returned home this February. During her stay in foster care, I was very fortunate that she was placed in a good home, right around the corner from me. She did a little maturing and realized i did not have to deal with her nastiness. We have had two bad mornings since she came home, before she left it was every morning that was bad. I do have child abandonement on my record. it is noted why I abandoned and I have been nothing but praised by the judge and DCFS, they know that it was what had to be done and they know that I did not take it lightly. Everyone involved in our case knows that I tried, and tried till the point of having a break down. I am so grateful to them for their help. You here CPS or DCFS and think bad things, not in my case. They do appreciate good parents and do want to help. It might be the wakeup call that your child needs. Sounds like you need it too. She gets up all on her own every morning. My child who used to scream and yell and throw things at me, woke up this morning came in and gave me a kiss and her dog a kiss and said have a good day mom. Love you. Many hugs to you and PM me if you need to talk some more. Everyone deserves to be free of mental and physical abuse. Sometimes we are so beat down that we just don't even have time to think about we deserve to be treated right, ecspecially by our family.