I feel like waxing poetic tonight.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DammitJanet, Jul 15, 2009.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I never post in General anymore because my kids are grown now but I had a conversation with my kids dad today that got me to thinking about "our" kids and how they grow up and how we always wonder if what we are doing is doing any good anyway.

    Well...at least I always wondered that especially in those really tough, rough teen and beyond years.

    My youngest son will be 23 in just a few short days and as many of you know, he has really put us through the wringer. I first started seeking out help for him when he was 3 so it has been 20 long years now! Boy what a ride it has been. Children's Day Treatment programs, therapists, group therapy, wilderness camp, group homes, psychiatric hospitals, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), therapeutic foster care, adult jail. Its been a tough time.

    I often thought nothing we said or did or tried made a whit of difference. He was the most stubborn difficult child around. I kept trying though. I kept thinking...well maybe this will help. I turned over every stone I could find. I knocked on every door. I made him get help when he didnt want to get help.

    And now, well...he has oh so many problems because he has made oh so many bad choices but now he knows that they were his bad choices. He is a felon because he stole from me and I had him charged. Oh how hard that was, let me tell you. I, along with his dad of course, put him out of the house last year and he is now a different young man. He is learning that we werent quite as stupid as he once thought we were...lol. We actually are quite smart! He now looks back on all he learned in therapy and uses it to not go off when he is upset. He walks away when angry.

    He had a problem with the housing he is currently living in and he worked it out legally and found a new place to move...all on his own. Didnt ask me or his father for help at all. Not for advice, not for moving money, not for deposit money...nothing. Just told us where it is going to be. Like a normal kid would do.

    So there is hope that eventually the therapy, the work, the advice...it sinks in. It may not be until they get up there a few years past adult status but eventually. I never thought I would see it. Now my son may end up back in jail several times. I wouldnt doubt it at all. But he wont go there with the attitude that it is anyones fault but his own because he has learned now that he owns his own problems. And that is huge.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Independence. It can be a wonderful learning tool! I am so glad to hear that he is taking responsibility for his actions AND not blaming anyone else. Life is hard. There are a ton of tough times ahead. I hope he continues to learn from all the life experiences ahead of him!

    It is music to my ears to hear that he had a problem, found a solution and did not put it on his parents! I can only hope that I will be able to say the same some day!
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Janet, over the years I have watched you, empathized for you, and suffered with you. Remember when Tripp and Cory were both in jail at the same time---that was the last for Tripp---he still is not where cory is, but he is only 21. Hopefully the next 2 years will bring more growth.