As mentioned in another post, I gave up! This weekend I could not handle this stupid anxiety that my difficult child has. I want a holiday or any day that has no fears or anxiety. I want difficult child to relax and enjoy the special things we do. He is brininging me way down. I am so tired of listening to him say that his head feels weird, that he feels like he is swaying, that he knows he is dying, that he doesn't want to be creamated but buried in a box. Enough already! I get it! Stop pushing it into me! difficult child threw up again on Thursday. There was no school but husband took him out for errands because I was working (well suppose to be working - that is another bitter story). I am so selfish this weekend. On Friday, psychiatrist's nurse called. psychiatrist had read the report from therapist's visit on Wednesday and wanted to up the Flouxetine to 15 mg. So, we are doing 10 mg one day and 20 mg the next for a total of 30 mg every two days. brother in law and sister in law took us to Hell's kitchen for breakfast yesterday. Wonderful food but the atmosphere and pictures on the wall were disturbing for difficult child. However, he made it through Friday and Saturday without throwing up. On Saturday, brother in law and husband were going to take him to the Omni Theater. I was so tempted to play protective mom and go with but instead, I gave difficult child a propranolol to prevent a panic attack (I just wasn't sure - his mood was leaning toward one and I knew husband and brother in law would not be able to handle it) and I went on my separate way. When husband called, I held my breath but he was calling looking for Diva. The movie was sold out so the guys went back to the condo. difficult child was fine. Then this morning, we went to church a bit early to have Easter breakfast (fundraiser for the youth group). difficult child threw up again. I don't get this - I don't get it when he throws up on non-school days. This time was BEFORE he took his medications. Then we sat through services with him lamenting on how he was sure he was going to die. That was when I really gave up. I told him that today would be a good day. He said he was afraid to close his eyes so I told him to close his eyes and get it over with. I am very selfish today. I want my son to enjoy life. I am sick of him struggling with fears all the time every day. I am tired of him not really enjoying the activities that brother in law and sister in law go out of their way to provide. Tomorrow we have a neurology appointment. Maybe that will help both of us? There were some promising moments though that have helped. difficult child slept in the living room at the guest condo we were in (he usually sleeps on the floor in our room while visiting). And the biggest which really surprised me was that on our way home he asked to stop for a restroom. We stopped at a gas station and he went in alone to use the restroom. Those two independent steps are biggies for him. So, I plan on having a good night's sleep and shaking off this selfishness ready for battle tomorrow. But I think I will keep up with the cold shoulder routine to make him deal with this and not try to put it on to me to solve. I have done and continue to do my best and although it may not always work, it is all I can do.