I have a problem

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Mar 12, 2009.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jamie and family are supposed to be coming down to visit next weekend. While I always like seeing them, it is kinda stressful too. My house is a disaster area because it is so hard for me to do any cleaning. I dont have an extra bed right now because Cory took the spare when he moved out. I do have two couches but that leaves nowhere for Hailie to sleep unless she sleeps on the toddler bed which she wont do. I am also having bad headaches again and my body is just killing me.

    I have suggested that they stay with Cory. He has the air mattress. His house is MUCH cleaner. That heathen is a clean freak...lol. He has the room. He only lives two miles from me. Practically in my back yard. Keyana and Hailie could be together all day. We could get together plenty.

    Problem is Jamie is ****** that I even suggested it. Tony isnt happy either. Everyone but me seems to want them to stay here with us. Well Cory doesnt mind if they stay with him. He is thrilled to be able to host his brother...makes him feel like a success. One other thing...Jamies wife really tires me out. She is like the energizer bunny on steroids. Talk talk talk. I cant escape.

    I dont know how to diplomatically fix this.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Janet, I think if you blame it completely on your health, Jamie and family might be more accepting of the situation. Given everything that you've been through recently, it's understandable that you're not up to hosting them.
  3. Loony Smurf

    Loony Smurf Member

    I'd tell them the truth. the house is a mess and you dont feel well enough to fix it, and having guests while nice s a strain for anybody. If everyone insists that they stay with you, they'll have to deal with AS IS or fix it themselves :p They're family, not guests. Let them know if they're staying with you they can pitch in and fend for themselves as far as helping with meals etc.

    Perhaps Cory could bring the mattress over. and be sure to let him know you're proud of him for being willing and able to host :) that's awesome!

    My mom's always insisted people help if they insist on staing with her. we're grown now...not her little kids who gotta have mommy do everything anymore.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Janet, my take is that, if you can't fix it diplomatically, then you have every right to be undiplomatic.

    I know that Jamie and his family have an idea in their heads about what it's like to visit with you, and your suggestion is a radical change.

    Well, your nearly dying on them a few months back was a radical change, bigger than any other. If you need to do things differently from here on in, then they'll just have to accept it.

    I agree with Smallworld that you should emphasize your health needs, but don't back down just to be nice. Your health is too important.


  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Stress your health needs and ask that they stay at Cory's the first night, then if they want to help you by cleaning your house, you'd feel so much more comfortable with them staying with you on the last night :) You'd get a clean house out of it too!
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Tell Jamie that this is what CORY needs - to HOST his brother and it will make him feel better. It's the truth, plain and simple. And - he's not far, there is more space - and it's just for sleeping AND you are not well.

    Dang it - want me to call jamie?

  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think you should definitely use a little motherly guilt and blame it on your health and stamina while you've been recovering - simply put, you want them to visit, but you also need your down time to rest.

    Then throw in there how Cory is really looking forward to being their official host.

    You know, you have to take care of yourself and your needs first at this time. Did they all forget how scared they were a few months back when they almost lost you? My God, if the reminder of that doesn't shake them out of their little tower of self righteousness, nothing will and then you will, alas, have to offend them. Oh well, there are worse things. I really can't believe that Tony is not backing you up on this!

    Love and hugs - stay strong and do what is best for you.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Tell the family that you are afraid you will have a relapse and end up back in the hospital. Also tell jaime that it is a step toward adulthood for Cory to host him and could he PLEASE indulge you? It would make you so relieved, to know Cory is taking this next step with HIM because you know Jaime would tell him gently if he messed up some of the social rules associated with being a host?

    Otherwise, tell them that with your health they just can't stay with you. If they come down they either stay with Cory or they pay for a hotel somewhere. This is just not a time when the doctor thinks you can handle the extra stress of guests, esp when one is a small child.

    If he gets upset then you can act all hurt that he wants to you "go back to the hospital and be on a respirator in a coma. Especially after ALL you did to take care of him when he was a child. You were labor for TWENTY hours, didn't sleep for FOUR MONTHS when he had colic, etc... and so on .... And now he just wants you to "hurry up and die from a relapse of your illness!"

    Guilt, when skillfully applied, can go a LONG way with our kids. Not sure how thick I would lay it on, but I would do some of it.

    When it comes right down to it, it is YOUR home. If YOU are NOT up for guests, then tell them. If they get upset, well, it will blow over in time.

    I am sorry they are putting you in this position.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    See? Cory - host -

    very popular
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well....I called him and we have decided that they will stay the first night with Cory then bring the airbed over here and help clean up. Sigh. Then Tony will be home from out of town that night and everyone will stay here. We will all spend much time over at Cory's or taking the kids out to play at the playground if its nice...oh please have good weather...lol. Tony and the boys can take the girls if I am too tired. I am planning on taking everyone out to eat at a Japanese Steakhouse one night. That is my big treat.
  11. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I think your plan is a good one Janet. And maybe they can be urged to give you a hand by doing some straigtening up for you during the time they're there. And a suggestion, if you get tired while they're there, use your recovering health as the good reason it is, and go barricade yourself alone in your room alone for a while.
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    At least you get one good night.........and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed you truly do get them to help with the cleaning. I know that would be a huge relief for you.

    Praying for warm sunny weather and the visit is nice.....and Jamies wife catches laryngitis. :D

  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Maybe you could stay at Cory's, lol?
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I was about to suggest the very same thing.