klmno
Active Member
Some things seem great about him- I still have concerns. I'm going to meet with him alone next week, but I wanted to get opinions from here, too. I know some of this is "me" being untrustworthy, so I need an objective viewpoint.
1) He says that the standard format with counseling a kid this age is for therapist to meet with difficult child or difficult child and parent, but not with parent alone. He explained why and it makes sense. i have no problem with that if he is supposed to be difficult child's individual counselor- but, when he is supposed to be helping me with strategies to de-escalate difficult child, I don't see how this can work. When we've tried that in the past, it seems like it has only served to pit difficult child and me against each other. Or, more likely, I am just not going to sit there in front of difficult child and say "if I deal with him this way, I get better results than dealing with him that way". Maybe I'm just viewing it wrong, but we aren't a couple in marriage counseling and it seemed to me that perenting strategies shouldn't all be discussed in front of the kid. Anyway, therapist suggested coming in to talk to him without difficult child if I had things like that to discuss (this sounded like a compromise solution for him).
2) This vision he portrayed of what counseling difficult child would be like seems fine- if difficult child were 2 years ahead of where he is now. But difficult child isn't- I mentioned a couple of times that he would need to back WAY up with difficult child. Just because he's been in counseling off and on for almost 3 years doesn't mean anything- it was useless. difficult child hasn't even had the first conversation from a therapist about what is going on with him- in terms of this diagnosis doesn't mean he's a freak. difficult child doesn't open up to anyone but me (and I'm sure I'm not getting it all). I can't tell you the times that therapist's have thought everything was going along smoothly while I'm being questioned by others about why therapist doesn't know about all that has happened. therapist doesn't know because therapist only hears what difficult child says.
3) We still have legal issues to contend with. Regardless of how things should be or are in other places, here if a therapist even mentions "maybe this would help" it will result in a court order for me and difficult child. So, this intern (the first time I meet him) says "maybe I'll recommend this; maybe I'll recommend that". And, I sit and cringe. And can think only of "I don't have time to do that, I can't afford that, that's a bad idea for us- now how much will it cost me in attny's fees and time off work to prove it in court".
There's more- I'll save it, LOL! So, can you get PTSD from custody issues, difficult child's legal issues, and tdocs, oon top of the stress of raising a difficult child while trying to keep a job and medication insurance? He noticed my anxiety and commented on it. Well, I'm sitting there thinking, tdocs have caused a lot of it.
1) He says that the standard format with counseling a kid this age is for therapist to meet with difficult child or difficult child and parent, but not with parent alone. He explained why and it makes sense. i have no problem with that if he is supposed to be difficult child's individual counselor- but, when he is supposed to be helping me with strategies to de-escalate difficult child, I don't see how this can work. When we've tried that in the past, it seems like it has only served to pit difficult child and me against each other. Or, more likely, I am just not going to sit there in front of difficult child and say "if I deal with him this way, I get better results than dealing with him that way". Maybe I'm just viewing it wrong, but we aren't a couple in marriage counseling and it seemed to me that perenting strategies shouldn't all be discussed in front of the kid. Anyway, therapist suggested coming in to talk to him without difficult child if I had things like that to discuss (this sounded like a compromise solution for him).
2) This vision he portrayed of what counseling difficult child would be like seems fine- if difficult child were 2 years ahead of where he is now. But difficult child isn't- I mentioned a couple of times that he would need to back WAY up with difficult child. Just because he's been in counseling off and on for almost 3 years doesn't mean anything- it was useless. difficult child hasn't even had the first conversation from a therapist about what is going on with him- in terms of this diagnosis doesn't mean he's a freak. difficult child doesn't open up to anyone but me (and I'm sure I'm not getting it all). I can't tell you the times that therapist's have thought everything was going along smoothly while I'm being questioned by others about why therapist doesn't know about all that has happened. therapist doesn't know because therapist only hears what difficult child says.
3) We still have legal issues to contend with. Regardless of how things should be or are in other places, here if a therapist even mentions "maybe this would help" it will result in a court order for me and difficult child. So, this intern (the first time I meet him) says "maybe I'll recommend this; maybe I'll recommend that". And, I sit and cringe. And can think only of "I don't have time to do that, I can't afford that, that's a bad idea for us- now how much will it cost me in attny's fees and time off work to prove it in court".
There's more- I'll save it, LOL! So, can you get PTSD from custody issues, difficult child's legal issues, and tdocs, oon top of the stress of raising a difficult child while trying to keep a job and medication insurance? He noticed my anxiety and commented on it. Well, I'm sitting there thinking, tdocs have caused a lot of it.