I sensed something was wrong

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, May 21, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We got a call last night from the housemother of difficult child's sober house. Seems difficult child has been put on two week restriction for not doing her chores or participating in group. She told the hm to tell us she loved us and would write us a letter.

    I'm not sure what's up but last sunday she seemed preoccupied.

    At least she is still there and hopefully she won't leave. I've seen this attitude before, she gets mad at something or someone and acts defiant. Until I hear from her I won't know anything else.

    Last edited: May 21, 2011
  2. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm glad she is still there too. I hope she continues to work on her recovery -- oh yeah, and does her house chores! I'm hoping she finds comfort in structure.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Nancy. Hope this is just a momentary setback, and she continues to work her program.
  4. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Sorry Nancy, I'm sort of sitting waiting for the other shoe to drop too and it SUCKS!! I hope your difficult child is just having a few bad days and turns it around. Hang in there!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Hopefully staff is skilled at coping mechanisms and can steer her out of her stubbornness and keep her on the right track. Keeping fingers crossed she gets those chores done and sticks this out for HER sake.

    Saying a prayer.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that she is still there too, Nancy. Sad that she is acting out, but in a way it's hopeful that she is showing her true colors and participating in her consequences, at least. Fingers crossed for you all.
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hugs Nancy.... I think this is part of the process for her... this is her pattern. At least I am guessing it is given her similarity to my difficult child.... The honeymoon is over, she is tired of the rules and so she starts acting out.... at least she is not using and hopefully they are experienced enough that they can help her get to what this is about and how to cope differently when she is struggling..... I think really in a way they need to have some struggles in their process of recovery to learn how to overcome them without substances.

    The waiting is hard... and of course leaves you on edge too. Do something nice for yourself this weekend.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Are you keeping yourself detached, Nancy. You have been doing so well that I'm hoping you still enjoying your life as she tries to fiture our hers. Hugs...as always. DDD
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am DDD. It is so pleasant and peaceful here. husband and I keep wondering if she will call us if she decides to leave there but I think she knows we won't pick her up so maybe that's what's motivating her to stay.

  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think this is pretty normal in sober houses. I know it is in the longer term rehabs. It is good she is still there. I hope she will stay, deal with the consequences and continue to fight for sobriety. I am sorry it is upsetting to you. It would be to any parent. I was so thankful my parents were in London wehre my mom was teaching a summer session class (students from her school all travel over with the profs and do a summer series of classes there) and that they could only contact the rehab maybe three times while he was in. He didn't call me because calls were collect and I couldn't afford them and he didn't watn to talk to me anyway.
  11. natalieoh

    natalieoh Guest

    Hey Nancy, remember me? I live in this state near to you too. Sounds like we are living parallel lives. We have to get together. Haven't talked to you in ages.

  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Of course I remember you natalieoh. It's wonderful to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear you are in the same situation I am, but you know looking back I could have predicted mine and you probably could too. I'd love to get together with you, and talk on the phone too. I'm still in the book.

  13. natalieoh

    natalieoh Guest

    Nancy is your e mail still with AOL? If so I just sent you a note.
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Got it Nat.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I think what Tough Lovin said has a lot of truth to it. She's been there, the new has worn off, and now the tough is starting to shine through. Hound said a lot too - the staff there has seen this and will know how to redirect.

    You in the mean time? Sound very grounded and wonderful. I'm still keeping the faith on this end and sending all the angels I can muster for her sake. Just the fact that she is still there is amazing in itself.

    Sending hugs.
  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Time for some self awareness lessons for difficult child. It is harder for them than most kids, I think. Seeing themselves outside of their drama is difficult. I hope the staff sees that she needs to learn this.

    My difficult child has learned it alot in the last year. She recognizes when she just can not be around other people and tries hard to control it when she has to. It is amazing to watch.
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Nancy, My difficult child has been in so many programs and at least for him the behavior you describe is pretty typical. It is good that your difficult child is still there but I will tell you that for mine it wasn't long after he got complacent that he ended up leaving the program. I hope your daughter stays and works this through. It is so exhausting for us as parents. Detachment is the only way to survive. -RM