I just need to vent. Sorry if it sounds like I'm whining, but seriously how many more stressful events can happen at once before I break? For quite awhile now, my bipolar has been stable. I still have the same anxiety, but my fairly new medication Luvox is helping to take the edge off so it's not as bad. Still there, but not as bad. Sooo...how much longer can I go till I start to unravel? Hopefully it will not happen. But yesterday I felt myself breaking down, just for a little bit. It started with our Lily passing away, and life has started going down hill from there. Yes we have Sofia, and she is a sweetheart, but we still miss our Lily and no other cat will take the place of her. Then my daughter, who gave me some hope a couple of weeks ago, by finally starting to show signs of stability, has begun to unravel. She was sleeping good, which has been a battle for years, and her depression was starting to lift, after a suicide attempt in June. We thought she was stable enough to finally start back to school. She was excited about it. She told me she really, really wants to get her diploma so she can become a vet tech and help animals like our Lily. I was excited along with her. Well now...she is in a mixed manic episode. It's painful to watch. It's like half depression and half mania going on at the same time, and it's hell. I should know. I've been through it. Instead of sleeping 16 hours a day like she was, she is now functioning on barely any sleep. By barely, I mean staying up for more than 48 hours straight, and still having high energy and irritability and euphoria at the same time. She is talking a mile a minute, losing track of her thoughts, has really fast pressured speech, and I can't keep up with it all. At the same time, she is saying she wants to die. I now know why everybody else around me was so upset and irritated with me all those years ago when I was in a mixed episode. My daughter is exhausting me. I can't get upset at her. She can't help it. But seriously the non stop talking, when I'm home from work and want nothing but some peace. My kids are much older now. I am used to getting just a little bit of peace. Well now my daughter talks to me non stop, and as I have learned to tune out her screaming and cussing for all of these years, I am now inadvertently blocking out all of her non stop chatter as well. She will pause occasionally and ask if I heard what she said, and I will have to admit to her that I didn't hear her, and she gets annoyed with me. No wonder people around me couldn't stand me when I was manic. I don't see my daughter going back to school in the next few days unless we can nip this in the bud. Her next appointment isn't until the middle of next month. Ugh! Then for the first time ever, since being a mandated reporter, I had to report my first case to CPS. I can't go into detail due to confidentiality reasons, but let's just say three other people who are above me knew about it and chose not to do anything. I had to. I'm mandated The case is pretty serious, and when I called Social Services, they thanked me for calling and told me my report was very much warranted. But it brought up a crap ton of old memories, memories that I have buried long ago, that are now starting to resurface. My dad and his years of abuse, physically, mentally, and emotionally. At times he was downright cruel, still can be. A lot of people knew about it, and chose to do nothing. Back in the late seventies, early eightees, the motto was "What happens in this house, stays in this house." I kept waiting for somebody to come and save me, but nobody ever did. Then my brother's rape and sexual abuse, that went on from the time I was eleven for two years, and once again, nobody did anything. My parents found out, my aunt knew, neighbor's parents knew, and nothing. Nobody wanted to see a sixteen year old kid go to jail. So I suffered. Then an adult, he tried again, but this time I stopped him. I didn't tell anybody that time. Why bother? Everybody knew years ago and chose to do nothing. So anyway, I am not about to let this kid and his younger sibling continue to be abused and do nothing about it. Most likely his parents will get away with it, they normally do. But at least I can say I did something. Still, I have not forgotten, and now I am more emotional than normal because of bad feelings I am experiencing. I do not need extraneous crap right now. So why am I being tested? Sheesh enough already! I am not saying this to make anybody feel sorry for me. Well, not really. I am here to vent. I cannot tell my family members, for obvious reasons, and I don't want to blast this all over social media. I don't even have any close friends I can confide to. I feel on my own. I need to focus on what I have to do, and be strong for my kids. I just hope and pray I stay strong right now, when I need to the most. Please send prayers, good thoughts, or anything my way. I know I can make it, but I don't know how far.