I think I'm done with easy child

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterby, May 13, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    He's not going to graduate. It will take a miracle and since he's not doing the work, it would take a mighty one. He's failing 3 classes.

    He's made it to school one hour this week. Friday he flat out refused to go.

    After he got me all worked up about his girlfriend and her mom and how she needs out of there (which she does), a week later he says he doesn't know if he wants to be with her. Almost ruined prom.

    Tells me I'm a B. Swearing at his sister. Telling me I f'd him up because I called him off work today...because I told him if he didn't get to school on time he wasn't going to work...because that seems to be his only motivator...and he asked me to call him off. I said no, but he went back to sleep and I didn't want his employer to be scrambling at the last minute to find someone to cover (enabling, I know, but I need him to have that job).

    Left to go to his friend's. I told him he couldn't. He proceeded to yell and curse and I told him to get out. Then I started to cry and went to a friend's for a bit. I'm not letting him come home tonight.

    I told him if he's not going to go to school he needs to get a full time job and pull his weight around here.

    Just needed to vent. I'm going to get ready to go to his girlfriend's choir concert.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    OMG....I heard him tell you he had graduation under control..that he was going to pass everything! He lied to you! How dare he! That brat. Im furious for you!

    And all this other junk? Oh my gawd!

  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Heather...I hate to break the news, but that doesn't exactly sound like a easy child. Don't want to graduate? Don't want to go to school? Don't want to work? Well, bud...I love you but don't let the door kick you in the arse as you go out. Have fun in your freedom in the independent world. Send me a postcard if that is not too much work. Oh..and that cell phone *I* pay for - gone as of today. Car? Nope...not going to use it. Enjoy. Here's a blankie to keep you warm.

    Sorry if that was brutal, but I just can't stand young folks who are really young adults that feel so entitled.

  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Oh that is so frustrating. I felt my forhead wrinkle up for you on that one with the stern look (as if he could see me from here). Not sure what you can do. Many many hugs coming your way.

  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    It's time to draw a line in the sand. He does have to right to do what he wants to do---when he is out supporting himself and his choices on his own dime---so, either he shapes up or ships out. Hugs---hate it when they have no idea how hard their choices are going to affect the rest of their lives!!
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Oh, he wants to work. He works as many hours as he can get and goes when called in. Thing is, he can make it to work and to go play with his friends, but he can't make it to school. That's why I told him that if he didn't make it to school on time today he wasn't going to work. That seems to be the only thing that motivates him. He does pay for his cellphone and car.

    I called him and left him a voicemail earlier and told him to plan on staying where he was tonight.

    If he keeps up this attitude, he'll be moving out when he turns 18. I told his girlfriend that she can still move in. :D

    I'm just fed up and done. The last few months have been hell with him. The last 2 weeks have been even worse. He does these complete 180's. Everything is going great or it's going horribly. There is no in between. And when he decides he's not mad anymore, we're supposed to just get over it and everything is supposed to be ok. But, he holds onto things forever. I'm not going to walk on eggshells with him anymore.

    He's already said he's not going to do summer school. And I don't see him going back next year. I guess a GED will be in his future. It's so unnecessary and so frustrating. He's had tons of support, yet all he says is that we're being B's and not being supportive. The only way any of us could have been more supportive is if we did the school work for him. :919Mad:
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Yikes, Heather. It sounds like he has cold feet about growing up and moving on. Hopefully he will come around and take some summer courses or get his last credits at the community college. I think you are right that you have to let it go at this point. He could always finish his credits next fall...
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    So, he's not home...which I told him not to come home tonight. And now I'm worried. I *know* where he is (at least, I'm 99.9% sure), but there's that little voice saying...but what if he isn't there? Don't worry. I haven't called to check on him. He's a big boy and is resourceful. But, that nagging thought. Ugh.

    Sometimes I hate being a mom.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    And you know easy child is being a [insert word here cause I can't think of one] when difficult child 2 is annoyed and going to sit down and have a talk with him. Who's the pot and who's the kettle?

    Oh. And there is a possibility I'm going to end up with temporary guardianship of difficult child 2. (long story). :hammer: :hammer: :hammer:
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm a might B when it comes to this attitude junk. I'd call his work and tell them he quits. Period. Sorry, can't make the grade in school? Then you also can't work. Which also means no cell and no car because you can't pay for either.

    I know the income comes in handy, but you've got to get the message thru somehow.

    My easy child had a major case of senioritis in her Jr year. Plus her work/school thing got out of order. She "forgot" school came first. So I called her work and made her quit. LOTS of yelling from her on that one. lol And the manager called every day asking her to please come back. Nope. You either cut the grade or no job. She did an abrupt about face.......and I had a loooooong talk with the owner of the place before I let her go back to work. easy child just needed a serious attitude adjustment.

    From his behavior......do you think he's slipping into depression again possibly? I think he's just being typical teen and throwing his attitude around myself. But you know him better than I do so I thought I'd toss that out there.

    typical teen "oh I know everything" attitude is not a fun thing to live thru.

  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    When I was in high school and lived at home the rule was no school, no work and nothing else. That was a great motivator, as I had tendencies to be the same way. If he loses his cell and his car, he is old enough to learn from cause and effect.

    That sounds harsh--if I was in your place I am sure I would have similiar issues. Teen agers hoover big time.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think crazymoma said it very well -

    Teenagers HOOVER......and Kenmore, Meile, Kirby, Rainbow and Bissell.

    Sending hugs - You'll figure it out. So will he.
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    He's in a good mood today so all is supposed to be ok. I told him that I am not having that attitude in my house. He said he knows.

    He broke up with his girlfriend today. If he's not happy, he has to do what he needs to do for himself. She is heartbroken and I really hate that someone had to get hurt. But, it doesn't work any other way. The emotional roller coaster he's had her on the last few weeks....it's better that it's over.

    I can't afford for him to not work. He has his cell phone and car insurance. Cell is on a contract and I can't afford to pay for either one of those things.

    I'm not going to put up with the attitude and I told him that it won't happen in my house. He actually did school work today and said he thinks he can pass enough classes that he can do summer school. We'll see. Last week he said he wouldn't do summer school. I told him to figure it out; that I'm out of it. He turns 18 in less than 2 months.
  14. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    OMG. The kid got online and checked his grades for the year and says to me, "You're right. I'm not going to graduate." :hammer: Ya think? That's why I've been riding his hiney all. year. long.

    "I didn't think my grades in earlier quarters were this bad." How could you not?!! I knew and I didn't check online. I've been telling him and telling him and telling him, but apparently my words come out of my mouth and just float out into space.

    "I'm going to have to take my senior year all over again." Been trying to tell ya, kid. :919Mad:

    I told him to talk to his guidance counselor tomorrow and find out how this is going to work for next year; if he can go for half a day or if he can go to JVS to take the classes he needs. Then I told him that I'm out of it. I'm tired of being told to "get out of my [carp] and let me handle it" and that I'm being a B and not being supportive. Now it's on him to figure it out.

    And my heart is breaking for his girlfriend. She is such a sweetheart and he's not going to do better than her. I know relationships end and heartache is inevitable, but it's hard to watch someone you care about in pain. :crying:

    easy child did ask me if I still want her to move in. I told him that it's not going to work very well since they are no longer together. He said he would move out. "Where would you go?" He said he'd stay with his friend, K. I told him that K has a baby on the way and did he really think they'd want him there with a baby? He said by then he'd be 18 and he could get his own place. Then I asked him how he was going to pay for it. He said, "Well, I thought you wanted me out anyway." I told him only if continues with the attitude he's had. He said girlfriend needs out of her home. At least he's got some compassion for her.

    Sigh. Teenagers....real life birth control. Ugh.
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    In a nutshell. Wham. Cured me of wanting any more kids real quick.

    Brat. Makes ya wanna smack him upside the head doesn't it? Next you'll be hearing....."Well if you'd have just told me.......or if you'd have made me do it..." UGH!

    Teens hoover. Thank goodness my youngest is about to leave teenhood behind forever. Nichole turns 20 in about 6 wks.

    He made the mess, let him deal with it.

    Sorry about girlfriend. Poor girl shouldn't be treated like that.

  16. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    If he wants to make it to see his 18th birthday, those words will not pass through his lips. He may be a PITA and on my list - at the top, actually - but he's not stupid. Couldn't tell it by his grades, though.....
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I understand where you are coming from, and I would feel the same way. But because you also say

    So, I hope that you will wait until things cool down, then let him know that while you won't be chiming in to "fix" him, if he thinks that he might like your advice that you want him to ask, but he needs to know that ultimately whatever he decides is his decision and the results are his own consequences. He's a man now. Even if he's not.