I think we have different ideas of what makes a typical teen. But then - what IS normal, in our household, anyway?
I described my eldest as easy child. But some of her behaviours would definitely have fallen into difficult child territory.
* Incredibly egocentric. "Where's mine?" was her frequent cry, especially if she came home from a party (having been eating party food, very special) to find we'd eaten a meal that was also a favourite of hers. She wasn't in need of food, just didn't want us to have anything she hadn't, even if she had had stuff we hadn't.
* a catalyst for fighting between household members - she would come home from uni (she lived with grandma during the week) and within minutes of her arrival home, people would be screaming at one another. Every freakin' time. And remember, I said 'uni'. She was legally an adult at this time.
* at times loudly defiant and aggressive. She did draw te line at physical attack, however. But then - so did easy child 2/difficult child 2.
* Even now in her late 20s, she can have serious anxiety problems. They were appalling when she was in her teens.
* capable of being sneaky and dishonest, was the earliest of my kids to become sexually active at about 15 or 16 (although not promiscuous - is now married to her first and only sexual partner). And lied about it, until her first Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) caught her out.
Whenever I've used the term "typical teen" what I've been trying to say, is that sometimes even a easy child can be a big handful, epseically in their teens and especially if they have psychological damage to deal with. easy child was molested at the age of 5, by an older boy (and I tihnk some oters) in the school playground. Just because it was "just another kid" doesn't mean it was any less damaging to her. She took two years to tell us anything, and then clammed up and refused to cooperate with therapy. Now she's an adult she wangts to deal with it but has buried it so deep she only knows it happened intellectually. But the damage continues, I believe.
I believe like a lot of other factors, typical teen is a spectrum. For easy child, life hasn't been easy. She's grown up in a dysfunctional family. She's the only child to really remember me when I was not disabled and I beleive has resented me for becoming disabled. She then is angry at herself for being unfair and again, this becomes buried. Not healthy.
When I look back at some of the battles we had with easy child, when I think of the things she told us about allegedly typical teen girls we all knew (who were using drugs and sleeping around in their early teens and their parents never knew, still don't know) then perhaps my concept of typical teen is more elastic than for many of you.
So when does the label change to become a difficult child one? For me, it is when the problems become so great that they require intervention of some sort, either medications, or therapy or a serious modificaiton of parenting methods. When a disability is diagnosed and treatment put in place. When the parents have to go to further lengths than normal, to support that child towards the goal of a normal, healthy, independent and happy adult life.
Marg