I think we should write a book or two

[mstang67chic]

I originally had one topic in mind for this thread but then my brain did a little leap and threw another at me.

I'll start with the original idea.

Last week I had my annual exam. Everything went fine but I was talking to my NP about a few things that I had noticed. One was skin tags. I don't know what the heck happened but in the last couple of years I've started to sprout these stupid things almost everywhere. I have on on my neck, upper chest, side....all over. I asked her about it and was informed that it's a side affect of getting older. LAST year I asked her about something and was informed that THAT was also from getting older. And during the actual exam? She threw in a "bonus" exam that apparently I'll be getting every year from now on and am soooooo (NOT) excited about.

My thing about all of this getting older KOI? No one told me! This was NOT in the manual!!!

So...I think we should write the "Things even your friends won't tell you about getting older" manual for women. What do you say? We can all contribute topics, anectdotes, complaints, all of it. AND we'll be brutally honest and talk about EVERYTHING. Honestly....some of this stuff I never heard of being associated with getting older and it's not fun durnit!



As for the other topic....I think this has been mentioned before but.....

I think we could sell a LOT of books if we wrote a manual for raising a difficult child. Obviously the manual part would be tongue in cheek but with the wealth of experience on this board we could put together a comprehensive book based on all of it. Spotting the beginnings of issues, finding the right psychiatrists/tdocs, medications (or not), diets, behaviour plans, IEP's, BIP's, dealing with "helpful" family members, neighbors, keeping your sanity intact...the works. Our knowledge and experience combined with our humor? We'll be Goddesses.


What say you all?

 

[trinityroyal]

'Stang, I think that's a fabulous idea. We have TONS of war stories and I'm sure we could compile something in pretty short order.

The first step is deciding how to organize the information. Given the very broad range of dxes that our difficult children have, but also, given the commonalities in their difficult behaviour, grouping the sections by age probably makes the most sense.

Here's a sample outline, to group the kidwinks by age:

• Baby years to pre-school: chapters on babies, toddlers, the 3-to-5 set
• School agers: chapters on 6-to-8, 9-to-10, tweens
• The Teen Years: chapters on early, mid and late teens
• Your difficult child adult: chapters on your difficult child turning 18, further development between 18-to-22, and then 22-and-beyond

We could collaborate on general information, and then whoever feels up to it can provide "war stories from the trenches", specific examples of incidents with our difficult children that illustrate whatever topic we're covering.

Whaddaya think?

Trinity

 

[DaisyFace]

Hi Stang!

I think this would be a great idea...however, getting groups of people to work together and having a cohesive theme is a bit like herding cats.

What if the book was arranged as an "anthology"...and each contributor can write a small story of their own experience?

We could call it "What I Learned About Parenting a Difficult Child".

And then readers could read, and learn and since all situations are slightly different--take the advice that seemed to apply to their own situation and leave the rest.

 

[mstang67chic]

I was thinking kind of along the lines of what Trinity and you both said actually.

Group the sections or chapters into different categories and then have needed "standard" info combined with war stories from the "experts" in that particular area.

We may still have to group according to age or break it down by age within the various sections. Example in outline style:

I. Finding a good psychiatrist
a. For Toddlers
b. Elementary age
c. Middle school to high school


Something like that, Know what I mean??


So....what do you think the topics should include? Give me a list.

The first signs of trouble (for both bio parents and adoptive)
Where to get help
How to stand up to "professionals"
Following your Mommy gut


Things like that.

 

[AnnieO]

That's a great idea... I'd buy one. I still don't know what I'm doing.

As for the getting older part... They don't tell you that - no matter how old you get - acne will always be an issue. Actually they do tell you it will go away.

They don't tell you about calcium deposits under your skin in odd places, either.

 

[KTMom91]

After my last 10,000 mile checkup, I heard that "getting older" stuff as well. And I don't like it.

I'll contribute to the book effort! Sounds like fun! Of course, I still have a few reviews to post...

 

[Star*]

My doctor never throws in anything...and you got a BONUS exam?

WOW.

 

[mstang67chic]

My doctor never throws in anything...and you got a BONUS exam?

WOW.

Ha. Would you care to know what KIND of exam it was Dear?

 

[Star*]

Nope. Did you get to pick a prize from the treasure chest?

 

[CrazyinVA]

My psychiatrist was always telling me to write a book. I told her I'd have to change the names, my kids would kill me. She said, "no they wouldn't, because you'd be a millionaire." HA! Count me in for a chapter or two ;-)

Skin tags.. yup, noticing more of those, mostly on my neck. I got the bonus exam last time too, although she did *ask* if I wanted it. In a few more years I suspect it won't be optional. Fun Fun Fun!

 

[Star*]

Sooooooooo Bonus = Fun, fun, fun??

Next time I'm asked if I want to use my Bonus card? I'm just gonna pray I'm not drinking anything at the register.

Or if I'm in the furniture store and someone says: "and if you buy this couch you get a bonus ottoman."

Or if I'm at work.....and the boss says "You've worked so hard you get a bonus.'.....(thinking.....looking at ceiling) nope....that one actually makes sense. Now I get it.


But I don't want it.

 

[ThreeShadows]

What they didn't tell me about aging:

Nobody told me that at the age of 61 I needed to "Kegel" when I felt a sneeze coming on! I always assumed that only happened to women who were lucky enough to have given birth, so not fair...

I have a skin tag that is so large I'm convinced that I have a parasitic twin's leg just beginning to protrude. Yuck! That's gonna hurt when they go to remove that.

Nobody told me that middle aged women are truly invisible in this society. I would make a great spy, no one knows I'm there.

Nobody told me that at this stage of life one breast would move South much faster than the other.

 

[Lothlorien]

This thread is hysterical.....Throw out the self-help books! We need books on REAL LIFE....the warning material! Love it!

 

[Marguerite]

Re self-help book on parenting a difficult child - in some ways I've been writing it. I have a fair bit amassed already, a lot of it lifted from things I posted anyway and then developed. PLus stuff I wrote long before finding this site.

The way I see it - in the same way that "Explosive Child" isn't just about one particular disorder, a lot of what we can advise is very general, and often NOT found in the more specific self-help books.

Something I've observed which could be useful - the difficult child issues we deal with here can fall into different categories, and it's all affected by how we then perceive our kids.

For example, there are the spectrum-ish kids. They tend to be fairly honest (or so bad at lying that you generally know when they're trying it on). Sensory issues abound. Apparent insolence/rudeness are huge issues for some families which, if misread, can trigger a lot of ODD-type issues in these kids. parents also can get oppositional and need to recognise this in themselves. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 told me yesterday about a friend of hers - this girl has a mother who is very pushy, demanding et and I suspect bipolar. Mum wants daughter to have purple bridesmaids' dresses, daughter has always stated she wants red. But after seeing the purple swatches, daughter is beginning to think purple would also be good. But she is now reluctant to say, "Yes, I am now considering purple," because her mother has been so pushy about it, really being ridiculous about it ("Look, there is a purple car, it must be a sign,") that daughter doesn't want her mother to feel like she has won. I said to my daughter, "So your friend would avoid choosing a colour she now really wants anyway, purely to spite her mother?"
easy child 2/difficult child 2 said, "It's a bit more complicated than that - but yes."

The other group is the bipolar/schizophrenic group, or other mental illness. Sorry to group them here, I don't mean to say they are similar, only that there seems to be a dividing line between Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and well and truly not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) group tends to include difficult children who are really constant with lies, deceit, self-delusional, denial, self-medicating more with drugs.

Each group has strengths and weaknesses. Approaches often need to be almost diametrically opposed, but in some areas the problems are the same. Social attitudes are a problem for both groups. Parent stress is a problem for all difficult children. Finding certainty in diagnosis - same story. Support in schools - we definitely need chapters here, on how to be your child's most appropriate, effective advocate. Although the majority of you are in the US, we still need to focus on those parameters that are worldwide in application - namely, anti-discrimination and human rights. More detail could be used in various examples, with not a lot of explanation needed on how the different country's systems work.

What is very important - defining terms. Not just acronyms, but exactly what is meant by a neuropsychologist, or Residential Treatment Center (RTC). What to expect from one. When to accept it, when to walk away.

Count me in!

As for the "getting older" collection, can you use my "You know you're entering menopause when..." jokes? Lines like, "You're up to four packs a day and you don't even smoke!"
Or "You understand why menopausal Mediterranean women wear black."

Or my favourite - "My bathroom looks like the shower scene from 'Psycho'."

Marg

 

[ThreeShadows]

Okay, I give up! WHY do menopausal Mediterranean women wear black? I always thought that repesented widowhood...

 

[Marguerite]

3S, I wrote that series when I was having problems with ridiculously heavy periods. There was one particularly difficult incident when we went out with friends to see Topol in "Fiddler on the Roof" in Sydney. I had to plan my whole day around careful and frequent toilet breaks, but the problem with long stage shows - the ladies' loo is not the place to go during intermission, there wouldn't have been enough time. And I wasn't missing Topol! So I stayed put carefully until the final curtain. I waited a little longer so I wouldn't be slowly ambling (blocked by milling crowds) on the way to the loo. I simply got up and dashed. Politely. Headed for the disabled loo (I can get away with that because I walk with crutches). And found, to no surprise at all, that I needed to remove most of my clothing, wash it out, use the hand blower to try to blow-dry my clothes - thankfully I had worn thick, dark clothing. That's when the genius of it hit me (just as security were pounding on the door, asking why I was taking so long). Wear thick, black, layered clothing!

Marg

 

[crazymama30]

You guys are scaring me!! If I were listening to you talk I would stick my fingers in my ears and go lalalalalalalallalalalal!

I have so much to look forward to, and it is coming quick!

 

[ThreeShadows]

Marge, I thought you meant they murdered their husbands in a fit of hot flashes and bad mood! I've gone through "the bathroom looking like the scene in Psycho" too. It's a great sadness for me that I was never able to take a bath with easy child but was able to do so with the difficult children. By the time we got her I would bathe in a tub of blood due to fibroids.

 

[Shari]

I vote for a "chicken soup for the warrior parent's soul" type book.

 

[Sheila]

One book? Shoot, I'd have to write a series of books just to cover difficult child. lol

We can all tell war stories; maybe one day one of us will get the energy to write it. lol