Steely
Active Member
I know many of you know that I am quite "sensitive"....LOL. Actually I hate the word sensitive because it conveys being overly emotional about things that are not valid. However, I have accepted the reality that I am more sensitive than the average bear but I prefer to call it overly intuitive.
I see things in a person or relationship for exactly as they are. I can see through all of the human BS almost instantly, and I can see their heart. I guess I always hated this trait about me until it started manifested in other ways, like knowing when someone had died, before it had been told to me. Or knowing what was going to happen before it did. Then I realized that evidently I am tapped into the world differently. I feel things that others can't - and that is not something to be hated - but valued.
However, the problem with this is that I can see when things are wrong with others - even if they don't see it themselves. While that normally doesn't present as too much of a problem in an acquaintance, it really presents a huge problem when it is family. I won't go into H., because all of you have heard that story at nauseam. Suffice to say I *knew* things about how she died, and no one listened. It was, well, devastating.
So, all of that intro to say that I don't know what to do with my relationship with my Mom. I can see and feel that she is very upset, and mentally disturbed about my Dad passing - but rather than her actually saying that - her grief comes out in these critical statements about me, Matt, others. In addition she is very withdrawn, removed emotionally from Matt and I. On the flip side, she is very involved with non profits, her other friends, and projects - things that do not require emotions.
Someone on this board once told me I should be more patient with those that grieve, and it really struck me. Perhaps I should be. So I have tried to be calm, and ignore most of the things that she has done or said. However, now it is affecting everything. I have said a couple of things to her, and she ignored me. I probably should also ignore her comments and mental state, but I am having a VERY hard time with this. I feel like I am losing her, and I feel compelled to "fix" our relationship so that I don't lose anyone else.
I mean, evidently, it is really, really bothering me - but not her. So I am not sure why I can't just ignore her distance and critical nature. I guess, because it was not like this until my dad died. Before that we were pretty close - not crazy close - but close enough. I hate that it has changed, and no one is doing anything about it. And it hurts my feelings that she is allowing us to become more and more distant without addressing it.
I can certainly talk to her about it - but she always comes back with pat responses. Like, oh I am sorry, I will try to do that differently - rather than being able to openly talk to me about what is really bothering her. I have tried to ask her about missing Dad, but she doesn't really want to talk. She seems to just tell me what I want to hear - rather than there being any meaningful conversation.
I don't know if any of this even makes sense. I guess I just wanted feedback if you have some. I feel like the lone seagull on the lifeboat (have no idea where that analogy came from - but that is what I feel like - haha).
I see things in a person or relationship for exactly as they are. I can see through all of the human BS almost instantly, and I can see their heart. I guess I always hated this trait about me until it started manifested in other ways, like knowing when someone had died, before it had been told to me. Or knowing what was going to happen before it did. Then I realized that evidently I am tapped into the world differently. I feel things that others can't - and that is not something to be hated - but valued.
However, the problem with this is that I can see when things are wrong with others - even if they don't see it themselves. While that normally doesn't present as too much of a problem in an acquaintance, it really presents a huge problem when it is family. I won't go into H., because all of you have heard that story at nauseam. Suffice to say I *knew* things about how she died, and no one listened. It was, well, devastating.
So, all of that intro to say that I don't know what to do with my relationship with my Mom. I can see and feel that she is very upset, and mentally disturbed about my Dad passing - but rather than her actually saying that - her grief comes out in these critical statements about me, Matt, others. In addition she is very withdrawn, removed emotionally from Matt and I. On the flip side, she is very involved with non profits, her other friends, and projects - things that do not require emotions.
Someone on this board once told me I should be more patient with those that grieve, and it really struck me. Perhaps I should be. So I have tried to be calm, and ignore most of the things that she has done or said. However, now it is affecting everything. I have said a couple of things to her, and she ignored me. I probably should also ignore her comments and mental state, but I am having a VERY hard time with this. I feel like I am losing her, and I feel compelled to "fix" our relationship so that I don't lose anyone else.
I mean, evidently, it is really, really bothering me - but not her. So I am not sure why I can't just ignore her distance and critical nature. I guess, because it was not like this until my dad died. Before that we were pretty close - not crazy close - but close enough. I hate that it has changed, and no one is doing anything about it. And it hurts my feelings that she is allowing us to become more and more distant without addressing it.
I can certainly talk to her about it - but she always comes back with pat responses. Like, oh I am sorry, I will try to do that differently - rather than being able to openly talk to me about what is really bothering her. I have tried to ask her about missing Dad, but she doesn't really want to talk. She seems to just tell me what I want to hear - rather than there being any meaningful conversation.
I don't know if any of this even makes sense. I guess I just wanted feedback if you have some. I feel like the lone seagull on the lifeboat (have no idea where that analogy came from - but that is what I feel like - haha).