IEP coming and I don't have the energy



I was all gung ho for the IEP 6 weeks ago. I had all my ducks in a row. All my papers, all my reading. I insisted on an FBA, I insisted on psychology testing through SD. A week ago they were still trying to find a stratagy so difficult child wouldn't be wise on being observed, although he had been somewhat. SD will begin psychological testing this week. IEP may 21st. so much has happened in the past six weeks I just don't have the energy to go. I just feel like giving up. Seems like everyone else just gave up. i don't get answers, Heck...sometimes I don't even hear of what goes on for a week or so later when difficult child tells me, then I have to ask. As much as I asked to see his behavior records/referrals I was told no. they are too busy this time of year. They are busy...I am just to tired to get with it. it is going to be a firing squad..them against me and difficult child. All his teachers will be there from what i understand, plus SD, plus SW.
That will be 6 teachers, Spec. ed teacher, VP, Principal, SD, school counselor and SW. I get emails everyday on all the things he does wrong. Now I will have to sit in the same room with all these people having them fire all these statements at me on what he does wrong. (two classes he now has A's in) But it is the behavior. he likes to talk. Flirt.


Hopefully, it won't be as you expect. Hopefully, the testing they have done will put everyone in a position to design an IEP which will improve his ability to perform as expected.

The goal is to help the child, and that's where the focus should be kept.

The number of school district reps at a meeting can be intimidating, but use it to your child's advantage. The more people in attendance, the better the opportunity that brainstorming for solutions will be successful.

No on should attend an IEP meeting alone. Can you get anyone to go to the meeting with you -- a relative, a friend to take notes for you?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Now I will have to sit in the same room with all these people having them fire all these statements at me on what he does wrong. </div></div>

Clearly what they are doing now is not working, so it's time to do something else. You will keep the focus on things like, "What positive behavior interventions are you recommending for the IEP?" If they don't know and you don't know, request that a specialist be brought in.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">As much as I asked to see his behavior records/referrals I was told no. they are too busy this time of year. </div></div>

Don't ask. Put the request in writing and send it certified mail. Even with that, the sd likely has a certain period of time within which they must produce the records. In Texas, it is 45 days. You'd have to check your state educational regs to see what the law is in your state.

Hang in. School is almost out. Myself -- I can hardly wait.

Let us know how it goes.


Last meeting we had where it turned into a shouting, blame game match, I asked if before they put him in a little room by himself for an outburst, that they call the Special Education. specialist at the District office for advice. I do not see any services put in place for him. Just a sheet that a teacher marks, yes he participated, no he did not. And if he talkes, laughs or disrupts he gets and escort down to an isolated room by himself. I was told by the principal that his Special Education. teacher is a specialist. I told them things are not working and they should contact the District Special Education specialist. Principal said, Special Education teacher DOES work for the district. This is the kind of run around I get at these meetings. On the Unified district web site there is listed a special education specialist that works at the district office. they threaten to call the police about once a week for "disorderly conduct". Now, he is not violent. When they yell at him, he yells back.
I requested an FBA at the last meeting. They told me no at first. They said ONLY after three years. I corrected the principal and said every two years OR by parental request.
I look right into a teachers eyes, (she was sitting next to me) and asked her why she called for an escort because he was sitting quietly during silent reading (15 minutes). She just stared at me and didn't say a single word. VP then said..because he wasn't reading. difficult child was there and he said half the class doesn't read. Then VP got sarchastic and said, "oh, so I can go down there on Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday and I'll see this". difficult child replied..YES. All the while the english teacher never said a single word.
This is why I am all worked up. Just do not have an open mind. I have nobody to GO to these meetings with me. No relatives, unfortunately No friends that would understand. Only a counselor from the elementary school and she could not come because she works for the district. I am on the defensive already and I have another week. maybe I need a drink before I


New Member
I've been through the IEP wars and, frankly, the only thing that stopped our IEP meetings from being the h*ll you described was slapping them with a due process lawsuit. (They settled promptly. Meetings are much more civil now.) Hopefully you won't have to go to that extreme. But there are a couple of things you can do short of that to make it less stressful. (1) Bring along an advocate (not necessarily a lawyer, but if you can afford one, that works wonders); (2) Tape record the IEP meeting. Let them know in advance that you will be taping. Alot of the truly vile commentary dries up when a tape is running. (And if it doesn't, well, you've got something to use in your due process case.)

This may be a little cynical on my part, but I think the school is actually trying to wear you down, and is counting on your exhaustion and despair to get you to agree to whatever they want.

Hang in there!


PS. Save the emails. And do put in a written request for the records.


Point of information:

Due Proces is not a law suit--that comes later if either party is "aggrieved" of a DP decision.

Some SDs will fold when DP is filed--others get their hackles up to fight.

Take someone with you to the IEP meeting and focus on winnning what your child needs.

I know it is hard.