I'm exhaused, penniless and alone.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sandman3, Feb 23, 2008.

  1. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    difficult child 2 has been in the hospital for a week now. We've been visiting everyday. If he weren't Autistic I would probably allow a little break, but I know he needs to see me everyday for assurance and the doctor's agreed. The drive is an hour each way. I've put every penny I have in my gas tank, the van broke down on Thursday and I wrote a check for $108 to fix it yesterday. D-ex hasn't been up once to see any of the kids (difficult child 1 was just discharged from psychiatric hospital on Tuesday). Then last night he calls while we're on our way home from the hospital and says, "wow, gas is expensive and I wanted to come see the kids at least once" HELLO????? ANYONE IN THERE????? Then he has the nerve to say, "I'm gonna come up tomorrow but it's been a long week and I need some sleep so I'm gonna sleep in really late first" OMG!!!!! LIke I'm not tired....like the other 2 boys aren't tired?? SELFISH, SELFISH, SELFISH!! I hung up and cried all the way home.....this is after I cried at the hospital because difficult child 2 was really out of it due to new medications and I went thru some serious mommy guilt wondering if I am doing the right thing. He said to me "something is wrong with me"......and the tears started rolling immediately. But nurses were attentive and called the doctor to talk to me, they're gonna change the regimen so that won't happen again. I try really hard not to cry in front of the other boys but I just couldn't hold back last night. They were so sweet making sure I was ok.....I told them sometimes Mommies just need a good cry.
    And my sister who lives locally has not only offered no help, but instead offered to call CPS on me because she doesn't think I'm a good parent!!!! Gee, thanks!
    I just need a good hug!
  2. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    Here's a (((((GOOD HUG))))) I am so sorry for all these things. You are holding up remarkably despite your family not being there for you, it sounds. I don't think you are entirely alone. I'm here listening and sending you support and hugs. I do care.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I wish there was some way I could lend a helping hand. Instead all I can do is promise some sincere prayers that things stabilize soon for you. It is so difficult when you have multiple difficult child issues to cope with and little or no support. Sending BIG hugs your way. DDD
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I wish I lived close to you. I know what it is to be flat broke but oddly, something always comes through in the end. The very least I could do is lend you the car and watch the others while you visited your son.

    Speak to someone (social worker?) at the hospital and see if there are any programs that could offer financial help. Since he's autistic, are you able to collect social security? It would really help you in a pinch.

    Sending many hugs and positive thoughts as I can! Feel free to pm me if you need a quick "atta girl"!

  5. aeditha17

    aeditha17 New Member

    You are not alone. We are here - an army of warm hearts that care about you. Stand tall and be brave because YOU ARE.
    I feel like crying with you - I understand. Though not my children, but my husband went through hospitalization after hospitalization and I had all sides telling me different things - it was hell.
    Hang on and just KNOW that we care and are here for you.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sending hugs, prayers and a big ole 2X 4 to bash on d-ex. Idiot man!

    I wish I were there to give you a hug, make you a cup of coffee, and watch the boys while you go to the hospital then take a big bubble bath with tea and scones!

    Please talk to the hospital social worker or someone. Is there a Ronals McDonald house nearby? Or some other place that helps families when a member is in the hospital? It can't hurt to ask.


  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    It is amazing how we march on sometimes. We do tend to make it happen, although sometimes it really makes us wonder how we do/did it.

    I am glad they are so willing to adjust medications and see what you see. That is a good thing. Could be worse, right? Docs could react like your sister - then things would be really bad! Sorry ex is being so difficult and selfish!
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Gentle hugs.
  9. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    Oh my gosh, you all are so sweet! It is SO helpful just to know there are people out there who understand my life. Thanks so much for all your kind thoughts and wishes, you all are my real sisters!
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Uh, duh, do you think that WHY he's your ex? Sheesh. And your sister sounds like a -----. Sorry. Almost lost it there.
    You are strong and doing the best you can. You needed that cry. {{{hugs}}}
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    You're not alone.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    How are you doing tonight? I hope you are in bed getting some much needed sleep.

    Whenever you read this I have an exercise for you. I promise, quick and painless:

    Put your Right Hand on your Left Shoulder. Keep it there.

    Put your Left Hand on your Right Shoulder.


    There, you just had a hug from ME!!

    (Repeat as needed, the hugs are just all around you waiting.)


  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hang in there, sis.

    Sometimes family are the last ones to really see that it's much more serious than bad parenting. It's easier to believe you are incompetent, or crazy, than there is a really big problem going on. She may change her opinion eventually. Or not. Just don't burn your bridges, don't waste energy getting angry with her. Just don't confide in her if she isn't likely to understand, and she won't have anything to use against you.

    Meanwhile - we are here. been there done that. Lots of practical advice.

    And a question for you - was the bipolar diagnosis for difficult child 2 BFORE the autism label? Because if so, I would question whether the bipolar was the same thing, now described as autism. There are a number of labels which are sometimes applied sequentially to our kids, depending on what the doctor sees, when, and who the doctor is. We don't get much bipolar as labels in Australia, for example (not saying whether this is right, or wrong - I don't know. Just tat diagnosing patterns vary from country to country, but I don't think the disorder varies the same way). Labels are only an estimate, not always matched by reality. Whatever-it-is he has, how likely is it that it's both bipolar AND autism?

    I strongly suspect that if we brought difficult child 3 to the US, he would get a bipolar diagnosis. Similarly, the same doctor might discount the autism label, thinking it not a good fit.

    Lables can be very subjective, but they can make a big difference in how we see the kids, and how they are treated.

    Just a question, as I said, for you to think about, maybe verify with the doctor. because if some doctor some time ago said, "bipolar," and another doctor recently has said, "autism," I suspect if you got both those doctors in the same room you would NOT get agreement. And I wonder if you would still get both labels at the same time.

    I hope I'm making myself clear - I'm tired tonight, might be more likely to waffle on.

    Good luck with it all, be good to yourself. Try and find out if there are any allowances/benefits you could access. Maybe see if you can get more child support from ex?

    Keep us posted.

  14. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hope today dawns a better day for you. Sometimes knowing we are not alone is a great thing to change our state of mind. Aren't the ladies here fabulous?!

    I have an ex bonehead as well that is so self absorbed he doesn't realize how he affects his children. Makes us have to be stronger doesn't it?

    Praying for you and the family.