Im irritated with Jamie

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Feb 12, 2011.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe I shouldnt be but I am. I feel like he is trying to parent me or control me or something. He wants to tell me the way things should go as if I am not competent to make sound decisions. Excuse me? I think I have been around the block for a whole lot longer than he has and I have managed to live my life without his input. I dont go begging for his help.

    This whole thing started way back when he bragged to me about how he got so much in taxes about 3 years ago, something like 12K, and I said to him "oh goody, you can buy me that big screen TV you always said you would get me if you ever got any money!" Well, he gave me $400 towards it and we put in the rest and got it. But the whole time he was practically lecturing me about how I had better be so careful because Keyana would probably break it by touching it or messing with the buttons or something like that. Well, Keyana is one of those kids. She has never even touched the darn thing. Now his kids? They are button pushers and they throw things at his TV! Heck, he and his wife have thrown all kinds of stuff at his TV!

    So lately he has been doing the same thing to me. The whole Xmas thing with the mermaid dolls really got my dander up and I havent been talking to them at all. Tony does but I dont. I dont think its a laughing matter. Im completely unamused by the way Billie reacted. Then with all the junk with them going down to my step-mom's and her giving Jamie all the pictures including my HS and childhood pictures I am rather irritated. I asked Jamie to go to Walmart or Kinko's and have all the photo's copied either onto photo paper or at least onto a disk so I could have the option to have them printed. He said he didnt have the money. I told him I would send the money.

    He is trying to finagle the amount of money I got from my dad out of me and I am not telling him. He doesnt like it. Its none of his business. He got all my dads marine corps stuff including some stuff I gave my dad which was very expensive. I warned Jamie to put that stuff up where his kids cant get into it. Just like I warned him not to let his kids get into the pictures. Oh he assures me they wont. Yeah right. He is mad we got the truck. He already has two vehicles and doesnt have the parking space at his apartment for another. Tony doesnt have a vehicle. We were a one car family. Tony needed it. Besides that, we needed it to get the tools down here. Also, Jamie got all the marine stuff and neither Cory or Billy got a darned thing. How fair was that?

    Now I find out that today Jamie called Billy and Jamie asked him about Billy's girlfriend. Jamie told Billy to make sure Tony and I dont mess up his relationship. Jamie said I will try to ruin it because I dont like any girls who date my boys and will scare them away. That simply isnt the truth. I actually liked Jamie's first wife. Well I did until she cheated on him. She was a nice girl even if she was too young. I cant stand this wife but that is because she wont let me like her and she is dumber than a box of rocks. Mandy might be okay if she grows up a bit and gets her act together some and loses a few of her less than stellar qualities. The worse thing about Mandy is her jealous streak.

    I resent Jamie trying to control me by manipulating the other kids.

    I have a feeling its gonna be a long time before I spend anymore time with him. Tony seems bent on going up for Easter. I feel a bad flair with my fibro and arthritis coming on about that time of year. Riding in the car that long really is getting to me anyway. Especially when we have to stay at his house.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'd be irritated, too. First off, it's none of Jamie's (or anyone else's) business how much money, stuff, or anything else that your dad left. You're the only child, and in my opinion all the pictures and mementos that Pat didn't want to keep should have gone to you for distribution between your boys, depending on who wanted what item for a keepsake.

    What did Jamie want the truck for? Just to have it? Again, in my opinion, it makes sense for you and Tony to have it. You guys needed a second vehicle. Tony needed the tools for his woodworking. Seems logical to me.
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    When a person dies, it's customary that everything goes the their children,right? That's what happens. It's nice to give some things to the grandchildren as well, but in an equal amount. The grandchildren should not be recieving things that have no value to them, like old photos and expensive gifts from the persons' own children. They should get them back, or at least give permission for a grandchild to have it.

    His new wife just randomly gave your dad's things to Jamie, things that really you should have gotten. He has to give your pictures back to you, that's just mean that he won't. What value will they hold for him? He should be thanking you for anything he got, all your inheritance. Let it go about the expensive gifts, you'll never see them, sad that he won't appreciate or care for them. I wonder what would happen if Billy or Cory asked for a third each of their grandfathers things from him.

    There's a famous saying- "Other people's opinions of me are none of my business". Don't even answer him if asks about the amount again.
    Why should you go there and be treated like a second class citizen? Surround youself with those love you. Billy and Cory both think very highly of you, look at all you do for both of them. Jamie knows what kind of a mother you are in that fact alone. (((HUGS))
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry Janet. Sad to say I immediately assume his wife is stimulating these actions. Of course, lol, I prefer to think of Jamie as a great guy who would never be inappropriate. Avoiding conversational topics and keeping your distance politely sounds like a plan. Hugs. DDD
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Actually 3D I don't think you're far off the mark. We all know how greedy Billie is and how everything is some competition. Wouldn't surprise me if she's manipulating much of Jamie's behavior. True he should tell her to back off and leave it alone it's none of her concern.........but a man blindly in love (and he certainly behaves like it) is far worse than a woman who is blindly in love in my opinion.

    Doesn't excuse his behavior, simply explains it.

    Those pictures should be returned to you period, not copies, the photos themselves.

    Playing devil's advocate for stepmom........she probably wanted the stuff out and may have given the photos to Jamie to pass on to you, and he just plain didn't do it. She probably gave him your dad's marine stuff because jamie was also a marine........and just assumed the other boys would be shared with if there was something they wanted.

    Other than that, it is simply none of his business what you did or did not get from your dad. And I would flat out tell him that. He doesn't like it? Tough cookies.

    My bros (yes both of them are idiots when it comes to females) did this with their wives.....and they both manage to pick wives like Billie. Once the wives were gone and the blinders off they felt like so much dirt on the shoe for the things they'd said and done.......Only to fall for another one and turn around and do it again. ugh

    When father in law passed when the kids were little..........bro in law knew what each of the boys were to get of their father's things. It not only was in the will, but it had been discussed repeatedly for years. Yet bro in law took nearly everything that was to go to husband. husband wouldn't confront him at the time and stop him. I was so mad I saw red. Even his bros wife tried to put a stop to it. Nope. So I decided then husband could do without. To this day, he has next to nothing of his dads. During the process mother in law was in no shape to grasp what was going on. After.......she was livid. Which is why she put bro's wife and me in charge of her things and saw to it that it was done before her death.

    People act weird after someone passes. I swear for some it brings out the very worst in them.

    I am the executor of my Mom's will. I don't want the job. My sibs all think she's loaded. She's not. But I can't wait to see how they act when she's gone...........omg I am so not looking forward to that.

    Janet Billie has been disrespecting you for much much too long. I'd have been done the first time around, but I don't put up with such things even to make nice. By allowing Billie to disrespect you, Jamie is also guilty.

    I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to go back up there. You a better woman than I for being able to tolerate it this long.

  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I think I'm with DDD in thinking that Jamie is probably being goaded into most of this by his wife! He wasn't raised that way and I cannot imagine that he would be so disrespectful to his parents on his own without her pushing him in to it! Of course, I've never met either one of them but from what you've said, that sounds a lot more like Billie than it does Jamie. I'd like to just backhand her for you!

    And I wouldn't be so sure that he is so hopelessly in love with her and that's what his motivation is for the way he's been acting. Knowing how she is, is sounds a lot more like she's one of those that keeps their husband on a short leash by threats and intimidation ... "Do what I say or you'll never see these kids again!" I've seen that happen so many times in so many families.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know Pat has said she is looking for something special for both Cory and Billy...we shall see. There are still a lot of things of mine left in that house that are going to be found as she goes through it. After all, my dad moved my entire early life into it when I left home. I dont think she gave Jamie all the video tapes dad took of the boys either or at least he hasnt mentioned them. There is also at least a box of old 8mm tapes of me and slides of me...who knows how many. I have no idea what I can do with them or if I even will want to do anything with them. Those will probably really bring back some good/painful memories because I will be very young in them and it will be with both my parents. Think about how long ago 8mm and slides were

    I do need to work through this about Jamie. He thinks I push Billie away. I see it the other way around. I have told Tony that I wont be attending anymore functions up there anytime in the near future. Jamie is royally ticked off that we went to Richmond and didnt go up to see him when it would only have been another hour and we could have stayed there instead of getting a motel. Im sorry, I wanted to stay in the motel. I had a wonderful time. We got a very nice place. Actually a very, very nice place. Tony and I rarely get time just to ourselves and it was just lovely. I really dont see why everything we do has to revolve around the boys. We knew it was going to be emotionally draining on me so we wanted it to be a special treat too. Heck...we didnt even take Keyana! That should have shown him that we werent going up for fun trip!

    I do need to work on this though. I think this is something I am going to start on with my new therapist. My old one says she hasnt seen me so upset by things in a long time and it just isnt good for me.
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Janet, have you ever sat down with Jamie and just straight out told him how her rude and obnoxious behavior towards you makes you feel? Even allowing that he's too close to the forest to see the trees, I can't imagine that he doesn't notice it! You have put up with it a lot longer than I could have, I maybe might have given her a second chance but after that I would have been DONE with her! No more!

    I really don't understand it. Most women, at least in the beginning, go to great lengths to get along with their mother in law! But in this case it's very obvious that she is doing her best to run off Jamie's whole side of the family, and for whatever reason, Jamie is allowing her to get away with it! I just don't get it. Most people would welcome having loving, concerned grandparents for their children, but she sees it as some kind of threat! Is it jealousy, insecurity or just plain ol' stupidity? Who knows?
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2011
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have wondered too Donna.

    I so didnt want to get involved in his life anymore. He really has had an awful track record with women and I have wanted to just stay out of the equation. I did put my foot down...actually my entire body his first relationship and basically forbid him to marry the girl. Told him to or her. She was a ...well how can I put it kindly? Lying, cheating...rhymes with mutt. I swore then I would never interfere again.

    Well next girl was just young and dumb. But he made the stupid choice. She was actually a very nice girl in a way but she was just way too young and so was he. She also had some "issues" She had been in an alternative school in HS and I think she had bipolar myself. Boy could she throw some major tantrums and she was hypersexual to the max. I think that is what lead to her cheating on Jamie. He was working so many long hours and she got bored. So that lead to divorce. Then here comes Billie. Jamie doesnt do alone well. I didnt much like Billie from the time I met her. She is a very fake type person. Even her mother told me that she treated Jamie badly! Billie treated her own mother badly! I dont know what is up with the girl. She thinks she is smart as all get out but she doesnt have the sense to come in out of the rain.

    She one time saw me reading a book and asked me about it. I said something and then I asked her what books she liked to read thinking I might be able to pass on some of mine that I had already read. Her answer was...oh I havent read a book since I left HS! Why on earth would I read since I can watch things on TV? HUH?
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's NOT funny...........:rofl:, Janet, but I can't help myself. Guess I'm too invested from a GREAT distance from my daughter in law.........a college graduate who prefers McD's over home cooking and hasn't read a book since she got her degree. Sorry but if it's a choice between crying and laughing, I've got to opt for ROFLOL! How tragic really. DDD
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    If she succeeds in separating you from Jamie, she's done even more damage. Isn't that what an abuser does, separate someone from all their outside support? Not saying go stay weekends with them, but keep those lines of communication open.
    I just don't understand people that don't read. Doesn't even have to be books - magazines, online, whatever. Don't understand people that read NOTHING other than a menu now and then. (And judging by the questions I hear at work, they're not reading those menus too well either!)
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Had to chuckle over the reading thing. lol
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh but you should see her FB postings! Maybe some of you have if you can see them from my page. OMG...she quotes bible verses as if she is the most sainted woman ever to walk this earth. It literally makes me gag. She can quote all these things but at the same time be screaming cuss words all over the house! And then all the friends on FB fall for it and tell her what a good mommy she is, how lucky her kids are to have her and how lucky Jamie is...barf barf barf.

    One time when Jamie called here telling me how they were down to their last dollars and he was mad cause she went out and bought a pair of pants which wasnt really a big deal except for the fact they were broke and he didnt get paid for another week and they had to feed the kids yada yada, well I felt bad and I ordered two pizzas, an order of chicken wings and 2 liters of pepsi online to have it delivered to their house on a Friday night. You can do that on the Pizza Hut website. I paid for it with my debit card from down here. Do you think for one minute she posted that on her FB page? Nope! If someone had done that for me it would have been the first thing I would have done. I would have been so appreciative that I would have wanted all my friends to know my mother in law was that nice to me. Instead, when we took her and Jamie and Hailie to the fair, she posted on FB some bible verse about being around haters! Oh that ticked me off.