I'm lost and need a "map" to get back?!?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Aug 29, 2011.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    difficult child is not doing well at the new school at all. I have gone with him every day (Thu-Fri-today). He abides by the deal we made about him only going into each class (he has 6) for 10 min. If he does that, he gets 10 min on the computer in the resource room. As I said in my other thread, SpEd is awesome and totally "gets it". He is in a town 20 mins from home where he doesn't know a sole. He doesn't like some of the teachers, and at times it seems the feeling might be mutual. JMO. He doesn't have a problem going but problems start when anyone tries to get him to do any work. He has always said he wishes they could help him with it like I do. I am sitting right there and am willing to teach them but he refuses to do anything. The new para, as nice and understanding as she is, talks to much and tells him on ocassion to act like an 8th grader. That makes him feel worse about himself. His self-esteem is in the toilet. He feels dumb because he can't do the work the other kids in the resource room are doing and he doesn't want them to see how dumb he is. I wish there was a way for him to be in a self-contained room with SpEd teaching just him until he can build up some trust and self-confidence. The other thing that I know sets him off is that things are very disorganized over there and things keep changing. Examples: 1) there is a beanbag in the resource room that he was told last week he could lay in. Today, he is informed that he can't because it is another student's personal property. He has to sit at the table with everyone else. 2) He was told on Friday that he would have band lessons during study hall. He went during study hall and was told his lesson was on Tuesdays so he was upset.

    When I told him I was leaving because I was getting hungry and need to be home to pick up easy child/difficult child, he followed me outside and started crying that he needed me. Para tried to coax him back in to go to the band lesson but that ended up backfiring. He is not to the point where he doesn't want to go and I don't want it to reach that point. I just don't know what else to do. I feel so torn I feel so much like crying. As much for him as for me. I don't know what more I can do when his fears/anxiety are getting so in the way and it is coming out as defiance. I feel so lost. I feel very incompetent. I want what's best for him and am willing to put my life on hold to help him but right now, I feel like I'm climbing a never-ending cavern wall. I don't want to give up but I don't know what more I can do.

    Thanks for letting me lean on you.
  2. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    I am new here and not an expert, nor do I know a great deal about your situation, but could at home private schooling for him be an option? He likes the way you help him with schooling, and he likes a schedule? It is a good way for him to continue staying comfortable and a great way for you to control his schedule and Keep it on track. If he can't handle the way a school settings rules are constantly changing private at home schooling could mean an amazing change not just in how he reacts to school but in how he learns scheduling his life in general can mean living a more calming life. this could mean for you too.

    More folks may have better advice if they know your situation better. but this is what I did for my difficult child. I feel better knowing he isn't in a public or private school outside of the home where others may be hurt or he be hurt by others.If you are intrested in something like this let me know I can provide a link for you to explore.

    I hope your day gets better.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Part of it is the sheer chaos of the first week or two of the school year. Nobody - teachers, students, much less difficult children - is into routine yet. Things are still getting "figured out". Which of course is exactly what a difficult child does NOT need. But if you can get past some of that "chaos" level, you should then have a better idea of what is really going on.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Thanks MG. I have so many times given some serious thought to homeschooling him. The problem is that I am a single parent that needs to work to pay the bills. He is the type of child that can't be left alone while I work during the day and then not be able to play with friends when THEY get home from school. It just doesn't work. He is also not the type that can be given work to do and be expected to do it without me right there keeping him on task. I would LOVE to homeschool him but the little problem of food, home, electricity, etc that always seems to throw a wrench into the idea. I have NO ONE to help with him. It is just me, his brother, and him. Great (ideal actually) idea but not feasible.
  5. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    It is fantastic, I forget how fortunate I am being a stay at home mom with a Working spouse. It would be very cool if you could meet someone like me, and get your child comfortable with them so while you work they can keep your child at home and on the schedule you have laid out for your child. Dreaming a little dream for you.
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    That's not a bad idea MorningGlory came up with. Home schooling does not necessarily mean YOU have to do the schooling. I've heard of some parents getting together and hiring a teacher who teaches five or six kids and they split her salary. Kinda back to the really small one room schoolhouse model.

    Is this his first year of middle school? Well, doesn't really matter because it is his first year at THIS school. It has only been three days, but if it keeps up for another week, in my opinion a medication tweek may be in order. This huge transition, the 'chaos', and, of course, puberty setting in might be more than he can handle. Additional medication support may be indicated.

    by the way my son wasn't on any medications until he hit middle school. It was a DISASTER. The combination of medications and staff patience got him through.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    There is a program called www.k12.com that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) used for difficult child 1. He did great with it. It is school on the computer so no one else knows where you are. The para could sit by him and help. There wouldn't be all the transitions. I tried to get the school he goes to now to use it but was told they can't. I don't know why some school districts can and some can't (probably to do with money and politics) but it might be something you could look into and ask the school about. If he isn't getting ANY instruction/learning done after the rest of the school settles down into a routine it might be worth fighting the politics about.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Keista, paying anything for a teacher is not gonna happen on my budget. We are scraping by as it is. This is his LAST year of middle school but yes, first year at this school. If you saw my thread about difficult child's EKG, the psychiatrist wants to start clonidine but not until we consult with a Pediatric Cardiologist about the "abnormal" EKG. Good thing our appointment is in two days. Then we can start the medication and help with sleep AND anxiety. Keep your fingers crossed.

    Liahona, I will definitely keep that program in mind. difficult child took a math placement test today. They are bumping him back to the middle of 7th grade math and help him catch up since he missed so much last year.

    Got a call from the para after school and she said he had an "awesome" afternoon. He participated in shop class for 20 minutes, helped another student work on worksheets then decided to get 2 of his own done, and participated in band and gym the entire class time. Tonight, we talked and he tried to reassure me that he will be fine (he told me that yesterday and look what happened this morning). I am still leary. The morning is all academics which he struggles with so much. The afternoon is all the fun electives. Guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo -"The morning is all academics which he struggles with so much. The afternoon is all the fun electives. "From our experience, that's the only way to have the mix.Once he gets into the flow of things, he "only" has to make it to lunch - the afternoon is "fun".You're right - getting the medications thing solved should help the sleep/anxiety cycle, which should help the mornings at school...Give yourselves another week, and the whole flow of things should be quite different.
  10. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    We use Wiloworlds 3D I felt it to be more schedule based do to being exactly like a real school only he uses an avatar to attend the class versus just doing the work and turning it in. I did look into k12 but there is a waiting list and no refund on the application fee of 500$ with no guarantee he would get enrolled for this year. I just couldn't take that chance then have truancy officers blaming us as parents for neglect. no waiting list for wiloworlds. for anyone interested. oh by the way it is brand new i think created in 2008 or 09
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    You really do have a lot on your plate, girl. 2 difficult child 13 year olds and being a single full time working parent. I hope you are able to find some time to do things to take care of yourself. I would have to agree maybe a medication tweak needs to be considered. Hugs.