I'm new and desperate for help!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by RabbitHoleWeGo, Jan 15, 2017.

  1. RabbitHoleWeGo

    RabbitHoleWeGo New Member

    I have a 6yr old son who I've known for a while now that something is wrong. I thought maybe ADD or something, he has mood swings, anger, rage, violent behavior, can't take direction, fidgety, and memory lapse. Now he is starting to scare me, watching me while I sleep, saying he wants to kill everyone (with a smile on his face) going from bubbly happy to punching his older sister in the gut. He still doesn't learn from discipline even after years of teachings i.e. do not hit people.
    He has seen a counselor who laughed when I suggested something was wrong. He is an imp. I need real help and to be taken seriously but I do not know where to start. Help!
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I would call a regional children's hospital. You should find one in any fairly large city. Ask for the Child Development Department. There will be a team of child neuropsychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers.

    The other possibility (but it would be my second choice) is a major university medical school. Their Pediatric Department. Your pediatrician is a good place to start. You can ask for referrals. (But insufficient, I think.) If there will be a long delay for an appointment, I would look for alternatives, and I might ask for a referral to a child neurologist in the interim.

    Something could be going on in terms of physical health or specifically neurologically that confuses and bothers your child, that he misinterprets--and propels him to act out. In any event, he requires further diagnosis. Or there could be a yet undiagnosed developmental disorder, or even what some parents refer to as atypical "hard-wiring." It is not that uncommon and there are interventions.

    I would do this as rapidly as I can. First, you suggest your daughter may be at risk. While a child that age cannot formulate intent in the way an older child and adult can, it cannot be good for anybody, him, you, your daughter, for this to be allowed to continue.

    I would start making a list now of all of your concerns, and I would carry around a tablet and note what happens each day. Try to be as detailed as possible noting the time of occurrence, what your child is doing, who he is with, and if you see a trigger, note that.

    Start logging everything your child eats, their sleep habits, bedtime, waking, etc. Anything you can think of. You will begin to see patterns, and you will be able to summarize succinctly your concerns to inform the professionals.

    Your child is school age. What does school say? I would think about requesting an evaluation by the school psychologist, but I think I might wait, if I could until you have your own evaluation. Special education status is what you want to establish for your child and an IEP (which is an intervention plan.) ADD alone is a qualifying diagnosis.

    Your child, based upon what you describe, should qualify for school-based services and interventions.

    I am sorry you find yourself here. But you will find some good help and support. Remember. Those of us here cannot diagnosis. We are guided only by our own experience. Your best bet is expert and qualified professional help, as above. Take care.
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    Last edited: Jan 15, 2017
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would skip the counselor and take him for an intensive evaluation with a Neuro psychologist, a psychologist with special training in the brain. This is NOT a neurologist and in the U.S.A a good one is the cream of the crop for diagnosing. They test in all areas of function and are observed for 6-10 hours and can be found in university and children's hospital clinics. There is often a waiting list, because people want to see them, but they are worth the wait.

    I do not have any idea what is wrong with your son but it sounds scary and you need help soon. Did your son have any traumatic breaks with a caregiver as an infant or toddler? Is he adopted? Is there an mental health disorders or neurological differences on either side of his DNA tree? His DNA is important even if he doesn't ever see one parent...That parent is still 50% of who he is. The DNA can give you an idea what could wrong and the neuropsychologist will ask about this. Also he or she will ask if alcohol or other substances were ingested during the pregnancy because this is also a significant issue. I hope you don't take offense to that.

    I hope this helps. I adopted a child who was exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero and got a diagnosis and guidance from a Neuro psychologist. He did not have your sons type issues but he was hard to figure out. At age 23 now he is delightful, functional and only requires minimal help...He works and lives on his own.

    Before your son can get help he needs sn educated professional to figure out what is going on.

    I hope you try this route or a similar one. Diagnosing some kids is tricky and requires very highly trained diagnosticians. Good luck to you and your precious son.
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    Last edited: Jan 15, 2017
  4. RabbitHoleWeGo

    RabbitHoleWeGo New Member

    Hi thank you for your help. I'm not offended at all by the questions and to answer no substance of any kind was taken before during or after and as far as my side there are medical problems in the family but no mental illness and his father's side is hard to say. He was abusive and so is his family but I don't know for sure if mental illness plays a role with them. I will be calling your suggestions asap to try and get help for him. I really appreciate it!!
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  5. Praecepta

    Praecepta Active Member

    Might want to review his environment and remove any violent (idea giving) things. Like violent TV/movies. Violent video games, etc.

    In other words, I would not be comfortable letting him watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the movie Psycho!

    And you may want to consider locking everything up - knifes, tools which can cut, chemicals, etc. Target department store sells magnetic cabinet/drawer latches in their baby department. Don't let your kid see how you open drawers/cabinets if you install those. Better are key locks.

    And if it gets to the point where you need to lock him up at night... Well if WE do that, it is child abuse! But the Juvenal Jail can do that and no problem. So simply keep calling the police each time he hits someone else or threatens to stab someone, etc.

    You CAN lock your own door at night and other doors in the house. And can put an alarm on his door, but can't lock him in.
  6. RabbitHoleWeGo

    RabbitHoleWeGo New Member

    You think I should call the police on a 6 year old? And I have put up anything and everything sharp. And we don't have video games at all and TV shows are only cartoons that are for his age NOTHING violent or angry
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would not call the police on a six year old. Any child police call gets called into CPS or so we were told when we did foster care.

    Then you may or may not get services but they are not going to arrest or punish a six year old. My friends had adopted two kids and one was violent. By six they had to call the police on him, but he wasn't punished. Sometimes he was taken briefly for mental health hospitals and the family was on the CPS radar. At around 12 he ended up in residential treatment, not jail. He was sick, not bad.

    Unless your son actually does serious damage the police won't take him anywhere. Punching his older sister won't do it. Neither will verbal threats. The kid I talked about was breaking all the windows in his house with a baseball bat etc. That sort of thing. I knew of an eight year old foster child who burned the house down. That will get attention but still not kid jail. Not that age.

    At his age I'd stick to a high level diagnostician and all the help he can get. He is extremely young. Jmo
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  8. RabbitHoleWeGo

    RabbitHoleWeGo New Member

    OK thank you!!
  9. kim75062

    kim75062 Active Member

    If you find my thread you will see I have experienced a lot of what your son is doing with my own. His violent tantrums where at school though, never at home.

    We still don't quit understand what's going on with my son, we have lots of opinions and no real answers. Make appointments now for any doctor you think might help. Most doctors worth seeing have long waiting lists. More opinions and evaluations won't hurt anything!

    Also if he's in school get the school psychologist to do a full functional behavior assessment. There usually not the best, but a free and a starting point.

    I could not ever call the police on a child that young! At his age, with his know problems so far he needs to run to the police for help! Not away from them and be scared!

    I wish you the best of luck! You've found a good place to gain insight from a lot of people who are or have been in a place close to where you are
  10. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Welcome, rabbithole. :welcomecat:

    At six, my son was over the top scary, too. I found that reading The Explosive Child helped me to get a better idea of what to do with my son. I was also extremely tough on my son when it came to physical violence. Whenever he tried to hit, punch, kick or headbutt someone, I took a toy away from him. Forever. Not a small toy either, one that was near and dear to his heart.

    For example, he hit a neighbor child and I marched him up to their house, had him give the boy his favorite monster truck, and made him apologize. He quickly learned that hitting made him lose something valuable.

    It didn't help much with the over the top tantrums, though. For those, I would carry him to his room and stand outside his door holding it shut. Yes, he destroyed things, but they were his things. I made sure there was never anything in his room like a television that could hurt him if he broke it. Eventually, I gave him old magazines to tear up when he was angry.

    Keep trying. Stay strong. Keep looking for answers.