I'm No Saint

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, May 12, 2012.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    For those of you who think I'm a saint with animals...........this should prove I'm not.

    I have admitted more than once that I don't really want Sadie. It's not like I went out hunting down a new dog, or even hunted her down to pick her up. You all know my reasons.

    Well, it's been a very long day. Sadie has not been "bad" for a single second. Actually for an untrained over energetic pup, she's been an angel. But still I have to watch her, if not directly then out the corner of my eye.......because I don't yet trust her, especially with Molly. Makes me feel like I can't do anything........and if I try to do anything she's all but under my feet. The girl sticks to me like glue.

    I've been in a mood since Travis let her in last night. I admit I was major peeved that after 4 days she manages to find me and return. (I went back and figured it out) I tried to accept it. Because........well, that whole deal was twilight zone material for certain. But just because I accepted it didn't mean I had to like it, if you know what I mean. So I figured I'd svck it up and just deal with it.

    That mood festered all day. Again, like I said, Sadie didn't do anything.....it's not her it's ME. Then I got downright resentful. So that mood got blacker. I thought ok, I'd work it off in the yard. I took Sadie with me because I didn't want to crate her and I wasn't leaving her in the house alone with Molly. By this time my mood was so black I didn't care if she left the yard when I wasn't looking. So for an hour I'm not really paying much attention to her at all. I'm emptying dirt bags into my raised garden bed, then poo bags, then mixing it ect ect. Now for some reason.....Sadie still there happily lying nearby irritated the snot out of me. So I went inside for a drink and a break. And I left her in the yard.

    And I didn't care if she took off. There was a part of me hoping she'd take off again. She did leave the yard............I found her at the front door waiting to come inside.

    That folks, peeved me off major. Wasn't this the dog that took off for 6 days after being left in the yard for only about 5 mins?? wth? So I let her in and told her to stop looking so d@mn smug. Yup. I was really mad.

    Short while later Molly has to potty. So I take her out. Sadie doesn't need to go and stays in while I cook dinner. Once dinner is done......what do I do with Sadie? The crate is in the room we eat in, if I put her in it she will cry. If I try to close the gate to the room........well last time that didn't stop her for a second. But I tried it anyway. She didn't jump the gate. Just quietly laid and waited for us to be done.

    And that made me madder. Don't ask me why because I don't know why, it just did.

    So once I was done, I switched the dogs. Molly inside and Sadie out. That was at 7pm. I actually watched her go through an opening in the gate. (so now I know how she gets out) She gave me a look, but I steeled my heart. Mad, I ignored her and went on into the man house.

    My mood just kept getting darker. I didn't ask for this dog. I didn't want her. More trouble than she's worth. She has an owner, let him worry about her............I had an ongoing argument with myself for hours. I did the same with talking to Nichole.

    After a couple of hours I made the mistake of turning on the front porch light. No Sadie. I ignored the pang of guilt and shame. I turned off the light. Then I hear Sadie on the porch barking, asking to come in. I turned stubborn. She gave up. I kept on with the I don't want her routine for quite a long time. Finally I convinced myself she was gone.

    At 11:30 Molly needed to potty. I thought I'd play it smart and keep off all the lights when I put her into the yard. No sign of Sadie. I thought GOOD! (yes, I was lying to myself because otherwise I'd have to admit I was being awfully mean to a dog that had done nothing to deserve it) I come in to wait on Molly. She barks a few mins later and I step out to the family room.......and I see a dark blob on the other side of the door. I'm like, oh heck no, it can't be. I turn on the light and ..................

    There is Sadie trying to push herself back through the same opening she'd used to get out of the yard to GET BACK INTO THE YARD!

    Yes, ladies. I'm an ogre. And at that moment I knew it. I had been mean and cruel and Sadie had not done one thing, not the slightest thing (on the contrary) to deserve how I'd treated her this evening. And still she had tried to get back into the yard!

    So I opened the door, and in barrels Sadie literally yipping for joy and wagging so hard she can barely stay upright. And while I'm giving her lovies..........I feel lower than dirt.

    I gave her every opportunity to run away and she wouldn't/didn't.

    And yes, I know why my mood got so dark and I got so angry.It is the 12th of the month (or was when I started writing this), the 8th month anniversary of husband's death. I'm moody every 12th day of the month, evidently this weirdness with Sadie just put it onto a different level.

    It had nothing to do with Sadie, well not that way anyway. Maybe I was testing this Fate deal a bit while I was at it I dunno. Because while the whole her coming her to begin with, running off and finding Travis and coming back was weird........the fact that she has not repeated one thing wrong she did last time........is even weirder still. I didn't correct her for going over the gate in the house, I didn't say a word over her crying in the crate that first night, didn't even say anything to her about running off. And today? She doesn't go over the gate inside, quiet as a mouse in the crate, and won't run off for nothing.

    Good grief I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to. If I weren't here watching it go on, I'm not even sure I'd believe it! And that is why it made me mad. It was just too much twilight zone on the wrong day.


    I dunno if this will be Sadie's forever home. But I know I won't "test" it again, or ever put her through that again. (I can't believe I did it to begin with) She's a good and loving soul who is trying really hard to be what I want her to be.

    Not very proud of myself right now, and it's only making it worse that Sadie seems to love me anyway. :sigh:
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I don't think it was horrible at all. Your heart won over your head so you still ARE a good person with animals. I might have tried the same thing....testing fate, whatever you want to call it. I personally think it's more that fate. I really believe things happen for a reason. I don't believe in reincarnation but as I read this, I realized it's no different than twilight zone so maybe???? Sadie is YOUR dog now, no matter what you think or want apparently. She's there for a reason. oo-oo-oo-oo-eeeeeee-oo-oo-oo-oo
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The only people we want to spend our lives with, are those who can see us at our worst and love us anyway.
    I think... seriously... that this also applies to Sadie.
    She is yours FOREVER. She loves YOU - not for what you did or did not do today, but for who you really are.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Did I miss something? Has anyone called Sadie's new owners to let them know where she is? How are they feeling about all this?

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Suz, Sadie doesn't have a new owner (unless you count me as that owner) her old owner tossed her out and refused to have any more to do with her.

    Much like I was doing with her all evening........only his was permanent.

    And that is why I feel like an ogre. She already had one human do that to her, she didn't deserve another one doing her the same way. But ogre or not, seems I've been instantly forgiven.

    I had a resentment built up because I felt like she was being "forced" onto me. I'm still a difficult child enough deep down, that I don't do well when I'm feel forced to do something.....that coupled with emotions that were already flaring........ I did something I would not ordinarily do. I have taken dogs I couldn't handle in my home to rescue groups ect, but never put them back out onto the street.

    From the first moment I saw her the problem wasn't with Sadie, it was with me. My attitude. For the past 8 months I've had a real attitude problem in certain areas. Sadie forced me to face it. Maybe that's what she's here for, to give me an attitude adjustment. lol
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    And can someone explain to me how to get a dog trained/certified for therapy work?

    I have to work with Sadie on her manners and basic commands first and get her really good at both. But I think she might need to be a working dog.......and with her overflowing personality and friendliness, accepting of everyone/everything, she might make a wonderful therapy dog someday when she matures a bit.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Lisa - you are SO not an ogre. You have bad days like the rest of us. And you're training her, whether you want to or not.

    She might not be with you forever, but... I'd do some googling on the therapy. Honestly, I think that's a great idea!
  8. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well, I'm glad you guys don't think I'm horrible. But I am embarrassed over my behavior yesterday.

    Rabbit, thanks for the link. I'll bookmark it. She has a lot of training before she'll be ready, but I think she'd be great at it.
  10. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I actually had some tears in my eyes reading this because I could feel the power in your words, where you were at with your feelings. How much you desperately just wanted this to not be so. How you really just wanted to push and shove it aside. I think, maybe, Sadie sensed it to and so....gave you your space to let you breathe let you feel it and then came back. Kind of like having an argument and walking away, clear your head and come back type thing. In this case you needed to come to realization on your own, which you did.

    No twilight zone. There is a reason it was done on the day it was I think. I really do think you will be fine. While there will be testing and trials, it's not suppose to be easy. This is suppose to help you do some realizations of yourself....this may be the reasoning of it all. Know what I mean??
  11. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I applaud your honesty, your willingness to tell the truth about what happened, however "unpretty". Because of that, you will not go to hell :)
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    SO old YO YO isn't going to go go huh? (laughing so hard here I can just see you cutting your eyes at here and omg did you REALLY sneak Molly out the door with the lights out ?) LORD I nearly fell out of my chair laughing Hound......STEALTH potty - DON"T tell Sadie but were having a pp. Yeah we try to do that here too sometimes to get one on one time and it NEVER works - especially since LC has hearing like a bats sonar. My arthritis cracks in my ankle and it's all over - shes up from a nap, zooming out the dog door, down the ramp, around the back yard and barking at the gate and pootie looks at me like - OH thanks cripple mom - THANK YOU...cracklin rosie. SHEESH.

    Like Step said - you have bad days just like the rest of us - but I have an idea that it's just ONE more IRRESPONSIBLE idiot dumping their problems off on YOU......and making your life and responsibilities just a little more - and if you SAY somethign to them? Well then they want the dog BACK - and they won't take care of her - so why get her in the first place - IDIOT! If you DO NOT say anything? Then YOU have the added burden of vet bills, food bills, and spaying, care and you get more than you'll pay - but still - IT"S a luxury that YOU like me - can't really afford right now - (I look at LC laying here and wonder what goes through her head when we tried to discuss out of ear shot - dip or die) We seriously considered having her put down and it's not off the table yet - because her hair isn't growing back - and the treatments may or may not be working and our agreement was - if the dip doesn't work ? Shes going to be put down A lifetime of this isn't comfortable for a dog, it's too painful. She itches, scratches, bleeds, suffers - and it's hard to watch - but - she came HERE to US. (sigh)

    You are not an ogre - Ogres are like onions........You mo like a Parfait!
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Neither you nor Star are ogres. I keep trying to convince Star that putting poor LC down is the kindest thing to do and I dont think I am an ogre...just a realist. Of course, I dont have to look at LC in the eyes. I have had to do it before though.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    An extension of the "therapy dog" idea...
    Maybe Travis is going to need a "service dog"? Not a guide dog, but a service dog. Someone to keep an eye on him, etc. There's all kinds of skills they can learn.
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    No, evidently Sadie isn't a "gypsie" after all. Today I went out to move my herbs to the sidewalk out front so they could benefit from the rain. Seems there was a courting male cat in the yard, Sadie caught sight of him and was out the door before I could get it shut.............. So I think Oh NOW that I admit I'm defeated.......there she goes. phht. I mean she really takes off. So I go on and put the herbs out into the rain.

    Then I calmly in a normal voice call to her and tell her I'm going inside. Next thing I know she's sitting at my feet. (I watched her out the corner of my eye, she'd chased that cat halfway down the alley) And we went inside. lol Obviously, she's made up her mind. I'm using the lead for pottying now to train her to the words House and Gate and to make certain Molly enters each first. But from the way she's acting, she'd probably do it without the lead. I just want her to do it the way I want it done, not let's chase whatever strange cat is around then go to the yard when we feel like it bit.

    She and Molly are getting along amazingly well in the house so far. She did wonder at Molly nibbling her kibble when i forgot to pick it up, didn't go to do anything about it........but she was like Hey Mom, she's eating MY kibble. So I put it up onto the table. (hurts Molly's mouth anyway.....and she was only eating it to show Sadie she's boss)

    And yes..............I attempted "stealth potty" :rofl: (I'm lucky I didn't break my neck as my yard is literally pitch black)

    Star, I dunno what is wrong with LC's skin (I remember you talking about it, I just don't recall what the issue was) but have you tried tar shampoo? Expensive as all get out.........but it heals Molly's psoriasis and helps so much with her itching issues. I've had vets claim her psoriasis is so many many things other than what it was........I can't tell you what I've paid in medications that didn't work.....and all along, it's psoriasis and as long as I stick to tar shampoos during outbreaks, she heals up nice and is just fine. If I get stupid and let the vet convince me it's fleas or whatever......it drags on for months with her a bloody tail and rear and utterly miserable.