I'm putting my son in your care


one day at a time
I found this article/letter a few months ago in an Al-Anon Forum magazine from April 2013. I pasted it to my bathroom mirror and I read it periodically.

Today, after the events of the past couple of weeks, this has an even deeper meaning for me. I wanted to share it in its entirety:


I'm putting my son in your care...by Shelley C.

I've thought about my relationship with my Higher Power and my relationship with my son. Here is what I think my Higher Power would say to me:


You want to hear from Me about letting your son go. You are not abandoning him, as much as it may feel like it. You are simply transferring his wellbeing from your care to Mine.

It was never My intention for you to direct, guide and control his life. That is MY role. Yours in the beginning was to love him, protect him and teach him. You've done that. He was never yours to keep.

To have peace, you must let him go. Your stubborn self-will only gets in the way of the plans I have for him.

I know it is not your intention to interfere, but you are. You are not all-wise and all-powerful. You cannot remove his disease. You cannot love him to wellness. Only I can do that.

You must true that I care for your son's wellbeing. You must true that I love him more than your humanly love. My thoughts, My ways, My plans are bigger than you can comprehend. Your lives are so short, yet you waste so much in worry and fear.

Yes, your son may cut his life short. That is not My intention, but it is his choice. He must trust Me also, and seek to have a relationship with Me. Only then can I work in his life. I will not force Myself on him or you. I am more than willing to be involved in your lives, but only to the degree that you let Me. We both know what a struggle trusting Me has been for you.

You can't make it any easier for your son to trust Me. He has to find Me on his own, and he's doing that to the best of his ability. Let him do that. Get out of the way. Love him as My child, the way I love you. But let him go so that he can be himself whoever that may be.

We're in this together. You can come to Me anytime to tell Me your worries and concerns. I'll listen. I always have. But I may choose to be silent. That's My way of stretching and growing you.

I know you love your son, and I love you for that. But ultimately, he is My child, and I know what's best for him. Entrust him to Me, and you will grow. You will find the peace you want. You have so much in your own life to focus on. Focus on growing yourself, and let Me worry about your son.

Loving you always,
Your Higher Power


Today, at weight training, I ran into an old friend. Our sons played high school soccer together and we used to go to the same church before I left for a different church. Her son is two years younger than difficult child. He is also an addict. Today, after much heartache and pain, like all of us on this board have known, he is in rehab in Atlanta. It's a year-long program and he is nearing the end. He is doing very well. In fact, he goes to the juvenile detention center and spends the entire day there talking to the youth there. People are turning to him for advice and guidance. There is no guarantee, of course, but just for today, he is in recovery. There is hope.

I don't think it's a coincidence---any of this. The events of the past two weeks, the events of last night, the chance meeting with this old friend this morning...none of it. I call this a holy coincidence. I think I am walking my own path, and today, I have gained some new ground.
Thank you for sharing this. I am going to send this to my husband right away. I don't believe in coincidences. I think God really does know what he is doing to make us draw near to him and his will.
Thank you so much for posting this COM. I also think it is no coincidence that you posted this on a day that I am struggling with worrying over my son who recently left home 2 states away. I never hear from him anymore, and only the worst scenarios go through my mind. But this is all we can do, let them go and find their way.

I so appreciate this!

Scent of Cedar *

Well-Known Member
I wholeheartedly agree that we are forced, at some point and in some way, to come to the place of acceptance described in that letter.

For me, that drawn out moment of acceptance changed the way I saw.

Changed the way I perceive, I mean.

There seem to be patterns, really intricate patterns, too complex to see through our times of suffering. All I could conclude, all I can know right now, is that there seems to be purpose In every minutest occurrence. I read once that if we glance at all the nameless little, tiny weeds along the dried out pebbly roadside and then, actually examine one of those countless tiny flowers close up, the complexity of existence, of the world we do not see, will blow us right out of the water.

And that is true.

That does not mean I like any of it.

I am so deeply angry at what was lost.

I accept that, too.

There it is.

It is what it is.

Pema Chodron wrote something like that, once. About a time when we stop needing to comfort ourselves with hope.

About giving up active suffering.

But that doesn't mean I like what happened. It means I am no longer shamed by what happened.

I so deeply regret it.

But the intergenerational complexity of the why it happened just doesn't seem to be coincidence.