I'm so tired.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Methuselah, Jul 14, 2012.

  1. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    I'm so tired. Tired from having to get up at 3 am and deal with difficult child 1's intentional low blood sugars, so she wont wake up dead in bed. Most of the time, I struggle to fall back to sleep, if I fall back to sleep at all.

    Mostly, I am just tired of dealing with difficult child 1 and difficult child 2' koi. They are psychopaths. Never in my 49 years have I ever met thought processes as disturbed as theirs. They completely lack any guilt, remorse, shame, or empathy. They can't connect their behavior to consequences, and they blame everyone else for the things they choose to do. If the person gets in trouble for what they did, so be it. It wasn't them, so who cares? I wish they would wear their deviances and disturbed thoughts on the outside, but they don't. If you met them, you would think they were the sweetest girls. :-/ They are so good at cultivating an image of goodness. It's all one big con.

    What has me upset tonight, I found a note difficult child 2 wrote to difficult child 1. When school starts, they are making plans to go the school counselor to report me as abusive. Again. I'm so sick of this koi. Everyday of their life with us has been like this. Everyday. The lying, maligning, stealing, the noncompliance, trying to get me arrested, my kids taken away from me. And on and on. I'm so tired of dealing with them, policing them, protecting others...

    I'm so tired of it all.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I'm sorry they are so tough. What I would do with the note is put the date on it that you found it and give it to the school counselor before school even starts and they have a chance to follow through. Now THAT would be interesting. Now that I think about it, after I dated the "found date" I would make a copy for their psychiatrist(s), therapist(s), and to keep in my own file in case they make a report. Cover your backside, Know what I mean??

    Have you been able to document the low blood sugars and somehow the fact that she's doing it on purpose? Maybe document what she eats every day? Just a thought. That can definitely be construed as suicidal ACTIONS.

    I feel for you. I can only imagine the life you live. How long until they turn 18 and you are no longer responsible for them? Are you making plans for difficult child 1 to "get the boot" so to speak?

  3. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Thanks for the kind thoughts. I put the note back, so I can't make a copy. :-/ Their counselor at school knows our situation, so I may just write her an email to give her a heads-up anyway.

    difficult child 1 isn't purposely making herself low because she is suicidal. She deliberately makes herself low as a way to covertly aggress against me. She knows when it comes to her diabetes, I have to "jump". Her diabetes medical team knows all about it. I had her evaluated for suicide about a year and a half ago. Verdict: she isn't suicidal; she is manipulative.

    My difficult children are not under psychiatric or behavior care anymore. The only thing that changed was the size of our bank account. They have no interest in changing. Ever.

    difficult child 1 is out in 178 days, when she turns 18. After she despicably lied and told people I sexually molested her, we told her she was out.
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Methuselah, I am so sorry, what a nightmare. I know nothing about this, but just a thought, is there any way a parent can relinquish parental rights and remove the children from the home? Perhaps I am over-reacting, but this seems over the top to me and not something that is going to be remedied, you seem to be a target. Sending you gentle hugs and prayers that you find peace.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    RE - These are her grand-daughters... I have NO idea how it works when the situation gets this complicated.

    M - {{hugs}}
    How close to the edge is she when you get up at 3? what would happen if you slowly pushed that back (3:15, 3:30) to the point where she is in enough danger to call the ambululance? Force her hand a bit? Just thinking out loud...
  6. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    These are my adopted daughters not grand daughters.

    Yes, I am their target, especially, difficult child 1's. I am their primary caretaker. Also, they don't intimidate me or scare me, so they go after me, and others, covertly. They NEVER express any anger overtly. They just stare at you. When your back is turned, they attack. Spit in your drink, ODD to the extreme, malign your character by lying about you, etc. One time difficult child 1 took a knife to get me on the middle of the night, but difficult child 2 took it from her. I took the power away by telling her to do it. It would be a gift. I'd be put out of my misery, go to Heaven. She, however, would go to prison, and most importantly, everyone would know who she really is. Because that is their biggest worry: the outside world will know who they really are. They work very, very hard at appearing good and decent. :-/

    I can't let her purposely get super low. With Type 1 diabetes, lows are medical emergencies, as they can suffer seizures, brain damage and/or death rather quickly. I would be brought up on medical neglect charges, at the least, or manslaughter charges. :-/ She knows this, which is why this is her favorite weapon. (But karma is a b. Her disease is one of her favorite weapons against us. Her intentions were to join the military when. she got booted from our house. I told her karma is a b. Diabetics are prohibited from enlisting. I got her normal, psychopathic stare of indifference.)

    We would never opt to have them removed. We don't want our boys to ever wonder if it will happen to them, even if it is just a speck of wonder. They've suffered enough. Surprisingly, they are coming through this well, although I worry about them all the time.

    Thanks for listening. No one understands. They see sweet girls and my husband and me distraught , and think we're making it up. :(((((
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Methuselah... forgive me, I'm curious... when did everything start to go wrong like this? Sorry, you have probably shared something of this already. But nothing comes out of nothing... WHY are they like this? (NOT blaming you).
  8. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Malika. They have been like this since the day we adopted them. difficult child 1 didn't go psychopathically intensive until her 10th birthday when she made the proclamation "now that I am 10, I don't need parents anymore." Her exact words. It has been a living nightmare since. Before that she was pathologically stubborn, but would eventually do the right thing or fake the right thing, to at least get a reward for doing the right thing. Now? NOTHING changes her behavior. difficult child 2 steals, lies, cons and manipulates with no remorse. Always has. If she wants something, whether something material or simply attention, she believes she has the right to take it. Period. She understands it is wrong and it hurts other people; she just doesn't care.

    It is believed it is genetic. Their birth mom was in and out of prison. difficult child 1, difficult child 2 and Slugger all share the same BM but have different dads. I worried when Slugger hit puberty that the rush of testosterone hit, psychopathy would rear its ugly head. Praise God it hasn't. When he responds empathetically or with remorse, I cry...often sobbing with gratefulness. I don't know specifically what caused it, but I do know this: my daughters do the things they do with a clear mind. It is done deliberately and intentionally without remorse, guilt, shame or empathy. They never connect their behavior to the consequences. Never. They often don't see their bad behavior as the same as someone else's. For instance, the last week of a school, difficult child 2 got suspended for stealing someone's lunch. The next week she made a comment about some show she was watching where a waitress took a customer's food back to the kitchen to box it up and ate off the plate while doing it. difficult child 2 was flabbergasted someone would do that. I said, "Said the girl who steals other people's lunches outright." Complete disconnect to her behavior, which is a trait of psychopaths.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. Attachment Disorder strikes again. They sound like scary girls...we adopted a child like the girls. You've probably read our story. People like us have such good intentions and so much love to give, and then we find out that sometimes children can not be saved because they have already been too damaged. I am soooooooo sorry. This is in no way your faults and I don't blame you for wanting your oldest one out ASAP.

    Our child was 11 when we got him and a great actor. He seemed to have feelings, compassion, and remorse. It was all an act. In a way, I wish he'd shown us his true colors. Then we wouldn't have trusted him around our youngest two and we could have protected them from him better. He has been diagnosed with severe reactive attachment disorder which is the same as a child psychopath...no conscience, no remorse.

    You have my heartfelt empathy. Big hugs...trust me...I understand.
  10. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Yes, Midwest, I have read your story and feel your pain. Deeply. I don't know what caused it. My other two came out of the same situation, the youngest was in the exact same situation, but are normal kids. They do idiotic things but are able to feel guilt, remorse, shame, empathy, etc. I read an interview with Robert Hare, the leading expert on psychopathy. He made a statement about bonding that went something like this: is it the lack of bonding that caused the psychopathy or the psychopathy that caused the lack of bonding? In my case, I think it is the psychopathy the caused the inability to bond. I can't explain their bizarre thought process, their beige "emotions" , their indifference. It is so abnormal. There isn't a hint of normality. They are smart, charming, pretty, mannerly to rhe outside world. Superficially, they are super easy child. Like Stepford Children. When people find out the problems we have had with them, they don't believe us, because what we are saying clashes severely with the image/person my difficult children have conned and charmed them into believing they are. We come off insane, and now, I am so worn out, frustrated, angry and exhausted, I come off like the abnormal person I say they are! It is so hard. We are doing are best to make sure the boys are as normal as possible. So far, they seem to be doing ok. We talk all the time and that seems to make the difference.

    I'm sorry about the boy who harmed your kids. Don't feel guilty, either. He was the one who harmed them. I don't feel badly about the girls. I can honestly say I have done all that I could/can to help. I do worry about the boys. I feel awful for being so tired and upset all the time. They understand, but it doesn't lessen the guilt. They deserve a happier mom. The happier me I know exists somewhere inside. I just have to find her again.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't feel guilty other than not knowing. I don't know if it's the drugs they take while pregnant, heredity, bonding or all of the above. I just know some kids are not only damaged forever (sadly), but can not be saved.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. I hear you!

    Yes, definitely Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and genetic predisposition to who-knows-what. Sigh.

    I have absolutely no advice in regard to the kids, but I do know you still have to take care of yourself. Many hugs.
  13. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm so sorry. You know in your heart that you have done everything that you can for the girls. I have no advice. Just wanted you to know that you have my sympathy.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in supportive hugs. Be sure to find some time to take care of just you (I know easier said than done).:flower:
  15. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Can I ask a question? Why would you get into trouble if you don't get up in the middle of the night with difficult child 2? You're asleep and she's doing this to herself on purpose. Why would that be neglect on your part?
  16. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    That's exactly what I was trying to figure out. CPS in your area is really THAT stupid?? In our county, they would say she's 17 and is purposely letting her blood sugars get low. She is perfectly capable of taking care of that herself and there is no way they would fault a parent for not being manipulated in this way. They would put her in a facility because whether she says she's suicidal or not, the fact that her actions would result in her death speaks louder than words and they would treat it as a suicidal act.

    Methuselah, I am sorry that the system and professionals and those that SHOULD be helping aren't. I am sorry that NO ONE is doing what should be done to help you. Everyone there seems to have blinders on and aren't smart enough to see through the girls. We may not have the best professionals here, but it wouldn't take long for me to find one that LISTENS to me and works with ME. I am sorry wherever you are is lost in the stone age or something.

  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I am so sorry...

    I wish I had some good advice - but I can only offer my friendship and support.

    Since the girls have absolutely no intention of leaving and will continue to use and abuse you as long as they can...is it at all possible for YOU to run away some times?
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I too wish I had advice... Anything. And I know the feeling that they are Stepford children... And that others think you're the crazy one.

    You're not. (But you knew that, already.) :sigh:
  19. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    Why not just let her deal with her sugars when she wakes up? She has a half a year to figure it out. My sister has been in the hospital a couple of times because her sugars went too low, and she is HORRIBLE at managing them (so much that they took away her license), but never would it get to that point in half a day. It usually takes a couple days of her being sick with the flu. Obviously you're there and everybody's situation is different, but it seems she should be doing this. Does she not have a glucose monitor and/or insulin pump? Diabetes s*cks. It's too bad that you have to deal with this and their behavioral issues on top of it.
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    allhaileris... If this difficult child is trying to induce a blood-sugar low, then it's a whole different story than usual mis-management of diabetes. It's done on purpose. And yes, it can be dangerous, and yes, they can be dead in a matter of hours.

    Worked with a gal who was very brittle diabetic. And she did her best to live right... including needing three different kinds of insulin. She died in her sleep - S/O didn't catch her soon enough, her blood sugar went too low, and they couldn't bring her back. This is a very real possibility for the OP... unfortunately.

    I could think of all sorts of creative approches to this, but... they won't work either, given the personalities involved. If it was just passive/agressive and/or typical diabetic teen stuff (there's a whole phase they go through), there would be creative ways to rock the boat. But not with this case... I can't come up with a single idea that won't back-fire somehow.