I'mmmmmmmmmmmmm Back!!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Ellenkc, Feb 23, 2018.

  1. Ellenkc

    Ellenkc New Member

    Its been quite awhile - maybe 13 yrs since I've connected to the site. Sad to be back, glad you are still here! B is now 33 yrs.

    Short version: He has a history of not performing in school = alternate school programs. Behavorial problems, pot smoker. We kicked him out at 17 yr. Enough was enough. He has survived. Moved back with me twice. Recently lived with his dad - close to getting an Associates Degree. Schooling still a struggle. Ex has been helping him out a lot with living accommodations and financially.

    Has been in his own apartment with a job. We thought this might be The Job. Word to the wise don't date the boss's daughter. Ugly ending to the relationship last spring with her parents getting involved. Ex found counseling for B. Doesn't have many friends.

    Received a phone call from my ex last week. B really struggling felt he is now adding depression to the mix. I took off work and went to spend time with him. B is only one now in one state. Rest of us in different state now. Was recently on fluoxetine which really ramped up his usual unwanted behavior. Ranting behavior was something to see!!! Pill doctor said to go off medication. Supposed to meet with psychiatrist 2/22. Lots of communication with ex last week. Was good and bad to spend time with B each day. However, B now not responding to our texts. Don't know if he kept the appointment. Sucks to be a parent!!! Would love to lay into him about that - but detachment as ever is the watch word!!!!

    When they are younger one always has the hope they will get it together enough to be self-sufficient. If B is going to continue to revert to his younger ridiculous non coping behaviors at this age - He's doomed.
    Guess he needs a brain transplant? Never listens, is always right, always someone else's fault, leaving jobs, along with lots of anger etc., etc., etc., he will remain stuck.

    After being back in the 'war-zone' with him after all this time I am now trying to grasp the concept that he may never be self-sufficient or really successful!!! Now it feels more terrifying than when he was younger. Not sure if ex will ever stop helping him. Back in the "When does one actually stop everything?" and see what happens?????? I don't want to watch it happen.

    Being with him brought back all the memories of parenting him. Amazes me we lived under such stress and worry for so long and survived it. So here I am after all these years needing a place to vent!! Sad!!!
    Stay strong Everyone!
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome back but I wasn't here then.

    I love the "brain transplant" comment. I think that could actually be easier than what we've been through!

    Good luck.
  3. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I was not here either but started here when my son was 35. Still detaching so you are ahead of me. I am sorry you have to be back but welcome back anyway. I am sure after experiencing some level of success it is hard to have to deal again but unfortunately relapses happen. So does getting back on track he has done it before hopefully he will do it again. As for the brain transplant sign me up for two one for him and one for me.
  4. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I was not here whether but welcome back. Glad you thought to come for some strength and support. We all need it.
  5. Baggy Bags

    Baggy Bags Active Member

    Sorry for what you're going through. It must be so hard to relive the same hardships. I hope your son finds a way in the world. It sounds like you've managed to find some peace and still be there for him when he needs you. I read you and wonder if this is what the future holds for my son and me. Stay strong, momma!
  6. Ellenkc

    Ellenkc New Member

    Thanks for responding. I sure hope you and your family can endure the sadness these kids can bring into our worlds. We can only do what we feel is best during each challenge they throw our way. Ellen
  7. Ellenkc

    Ellenkc New Member

    My heart breaks for your suffering and what your "Littleboy' has lost. I know your heart is broken also. Ellen
  8. Ellenkc

    Ellenkc New Member

    I went to an AL Anon meeting last week. Have done that in the past they welcome us even if our kids aren't alcoholics. When I again heard the word "detach" there as I used to hear all the time when he was young - it brought back so many challenging moments and how the struggle to detach was a continual battle. WE all want to be close to our kids. These guys prevent us from that. I think all us Moms are all heartbroken in some way or another.
    Take care Ellen