Hi to all, I am hopeful someone can help us. My husband passed away 4 weeks ago in a motorbike accident. He was a loving, supportive step father to my 2 children. I have a 13 year old son and 8 year old daughter.
All my grief aside, my 13 year old son has gone off the edge of reality. He is currently institutionalised at a mental health facility. He has been there 1 week and has 2 more weeks to get much needed help.
Some history : my son was born via emergency C as the cord was around his neck. I left his father when he was 5 months old as I discovered his father was abusing drugs and did not want my son to grow up in that environment. I stayed a single mom for 5 years. My son had relatively normal milestone progression until I found him having seizures at age 3. He was promptly taken to 3 different neurologists where he was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. He has an undeveloped, damaged frontal left lobe which contributes to behaviour disorder. He was placed on Epilim to control the seizures. He had many learning difficulties and at the age of 7 was additionally diagnosed with ADD and Sensory Processing Disorder. He received Occupational Therapist (OT) and was accepted into a remedial learning school. He was placed on Concerta. He changed remedial schools 4 times as I was told his behaviour was too disruptive for the other children. The current remedial school he attends has been an amazing support system for him and I was sure he found his happy place. Until 4 weeks ago.
My husband was a rock and strong support system for us. He was the stability we needed and the future we had prayed for. He was strict but loving and the children loved him dearly.
After the funeral he went on holiday with his grandfather and cousins for 10 days to allow me time to grieve and begin the more intricate, legal aspects if his passing. 7 days into the holiday my son and daughter had an argument and my son searched out his medication and took all the pills that were there. Luckily his older cousin came across him and realising what he did she told Granddad. He was taken to hospital, had his stomach pumped, given charcoal and went to ICU. He spent 4 days in hospital. When he was released they came right back and I tried to talk to him about what happened.
He blames himself for having bad thoughts about his stepdad the day before and thinks that's why he died. I explained it was not his fault, that he was not driving the car that pulled out in front of his stepdad and it was an accident and he has no reason to blame himself. Once again, he seemed ok so he went back to school.
From the day he went back to school the real trouble began. He was constantly threatening to kill himself. Found a piece of glass and cut his arm. Despite my attempts to reach out to him he continued with these actions. The school called in a child psychiatrist who after 2 visits said he needed more intense help.
He was booked into the mental health clinic and has continued his threats. He has started wetting the bed at the clinic, messed #2 in his boxers then hid them under his bed, slamming his head and body against the walls. All when he can't get his own way.
Hence my belief that all of this behaviour is more about manipulation than actual suicidal. Although I am not willing to risk his life over this belief. I know he has severe developmental problems and I am trying to address these as swiftly as possible. I also discovered that Epilim and Concerta can enhance depression, this is something I only discovered now. I cannot have him assessed for new medication options until we have addressed his current suicidal state.
My question is this, the doctors at the clinic asked me to come in at 10 am as they do not know what to do for him. I truly want to confront my son and tell him there will be consequences for his every action, good and bad. However in my own state of grief I don't know that I am being rational.
He is allowed a Cell phone during prescribed times at the clinic. However when they try to take it away he threatens to hurt himself. He us accusing the doctors, nurses and other children of stealing his stuff but they are not.
I want to tell him that I will personally come in and take away his phone if he continues with these threats. And if he continues to refuse to go to therapy I will take away his other privileges. And if he still continues after that I will stop visiting. And if he still carries on I will have him permanently institutionalised to save him from danger.
Tough love? Too much? Am I too emotionally unstable for this or does this sound fair? I don't know about countering a threat with a threat but I don't know what else to do.
Thanks Laura
All my grief aside, my 13 year old son has gone off the edge of reality. He is currently institutionalised at a mental health facility. He has been there 1 week and has 2 more weeks to get much needed help.
Some history : my son was born via emergency C as the cord was around his neck. I left his father when he was 5 months old as I discovered his father was abusing drugs and did not want my son to grow up in that environment. I stayed a single mom for 5 years. My son had relatively normal milestone progression until I found him having seizures at age 3. He was promptly taken to 3 different neurologists where he was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. He has an undeveloped, damaged frontal left lobe which contributes to behaviour disorder. He was placed on Epilim to control the seizures. He had many learning difficulties and at the age of 7 was additionally diagnosed with ADD and Sensory Processing Disorder. He received Occupational Therapist (OT) and was accepted into a remedial learning school. He was placed on Concerta. He changed remedial schools 4 times as I was told his behaviour was too disruptive for the other children. The current remedial school he attends has been an amazing support system for him and I was sure he found his happy place. Until 4 weeks ago.
My husband was a rock and strong support system for us. He was the stability we needed and the future we had prayed for. He was strict but loving and the children loved him dearly.
After the funeral he went on holiday with his grandfather and cousins for 10 days to allow me time to grieve and begin the more intricate, legal aspects if his passing. 7 days into the holiday my son and daughter had an argument and my son searched out his medication and took all the pills that were there. Luckily his older cousin came across him and realising what he did she told Granddad. He was taken to hospital, had his stomach pumped, given charcoal and went to ICU. He spent 4 days in hospital. When he was released they came right back and I tried to talk to him about what happened.
He blames himself for having bad thoughts about his stepdad the day before and thinks that's why he died. I explained it was not his fault, that he was not driving the car that pulled out in front of his stepdad and it was an accident and he has no reason to blame himself. Once again, he seemed ok so he went back to school.
From the day he went back to school the real trouble began. He was constantly threatening to kill himself. Found a piece of glass and cut his arm. Despite my attempts to reach out to him he continued with these actions. The school called in a child psychiatrist who after 2 visits said he needed more intense help.
He was booked into the mental health clinic and has continued his threats. He has started wetting the bed at the clinic, messed #2 in his boxers then hid them under his bed, slamming his head and body against the walls. All when he can't get his own way.
Hence my belief that all of this behaviour is more about manipulation than actual suicidal. Although I am not willing to risk his life over this belief. I know he has severe developmental problems and I am trying to address these as swiftly as possible. I also discovered that Epilim and Concerta can enhance depression, this is something I only discovered now. I cannot have him assessed for new medication options until we have addressed his current suicidal state.
My question is this, the doctors at the clinic asked me to come in at 10 am as they do not know what to do for him. I truly want to confront my son and tell him there will be consequences for his every action, good and bad. However in my own state of grief I don't know that I am being rational.
He is allowed a Cell phone during prescribed times at the clinic. However when they try to take it away he threatens to hurt himself. He us accusing the doctors, nurses and other children of stealing his stuff but they are not.
I want to tell him that I will personally come in and take away his phone if he continues with these threats. And if he continues to refuse to go to therapy I will take away his other privileges. And if he still continues after that I will stop visiting. And if he still carries on I will have him permanently institutionalised to save him from danger.
Tough love? Too much? Am I too emotionally unstable for this or does this sound fair? I don't know about countering a threat with a threat but I don't know what else to do.
Thanks Laura