Is my 14 years old daughter evil?!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Maria Stan, Jul 29, 2017.

  1. Maria Stan

    Maria Stan New Member

    First, excuse me but English is not my first language.
    She has liked to abuse animals since she was little. She even killed her two hamsters, hits and makes fun of little kids and her classmates. When she hurts an animal, she likes to see the fear in its eyes, the pain.
    She has two personalities, the first one is wise and respectful, seems very mature and generous. The second one is bad and cruel. I'm afraid that her real personality is the second one. She is a very good liar, she loves to lie. If she wants to create a scenario about anything she wants, she would do it and everyone would believe her. She's very manipulative and always gets what she wants.
    She stole toys when she was at the kindergarten and when she was nine or ten years old she stole a secret code from a plush toy which cost very much. She stole it when the seller was busy, but in that shop there were cameras. She sat in the dead corner of the camera and stole it! She planned all these things at home, and as I said, she was only nine or ten!! She told me about this when she was thirteen. I was shocked! She's very intelligent! How could a child plan these things with so much attention without missing anything?!
    When she does something wrong, I tell her about it and she doesn't seem to feel sorry.
    She often watches people abusing animals on the internet and likes it. She seems a bad person. She emotionally hurts people on the internet and really loves violent video games.
    We are a good family, nobody hurts her or somethig, she never was abused.
    She said that if she hadn't believed in God, she would have killed some little kids. Her strong belief in God is keeping her from doing worse things. Now she wants to become a better person but it's very hard because she must fight her nature.
    How can I help her?
     
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    This must be very scary for you and your family. Are there other children in the home? Especially younger siblings?

    I don't know hat country you are from, but have you sought professional help? Can you block her access to the Internet?

    I would keep a journal of these incidents for future reference.

    I hope you can find appropriate help.

    Ksm
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  3. Maria Stan

    Maria Stan New Member

    Thank you for your response. I really appreciate.
    There are no other children in our home.
    We live in a small city from Romania where I cannot find any professional help. My husband and I are thinking about going to a bigger city for help.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  4. Hello Maria...so very heartbroken for you be dealing with this. I too had the first thought of turning off her internet. So many bad things to be seen on it and could it be possibly giving her new or better ideas on how to kill an animal even more cruel than before?

    I do not think your daughter is a bad person but, do think she needs to see a psychiatrist as soon as you can, medication is a must for her in my opinion.

    My daughter is bi polar and like yours is the sweetest person one moment and a vile, hateful, wants to kill herself person the next. We sought out a psychiatrist who put her on the medication lithium and let me tell you, dramatic change! She was so sweet 90 percent of the time. But then she was fired from her job and has refused to take this medication since. She hears voices and talks to them. My fear for myself and for you is that they may take their bad times out on us one day. Scary thought. (((Hugs)))
     
  5. Maria Stan

    Maria Stan New Member

    Thank you very much for your help!!
    My daughter is sweet only when she wants to get what she wants. After that, she is bad again.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Was she adopted or did she have chaotic/abusive early years? An early divorce? Seperation from somebody important? She has symptoms of attachment disorder...just a thought. Does she have real remorse? Harming animals is a big red flag for many serious disorders...some not easy to treat. Conduct disorder comes to mind too. We adopted an older boy who killed two dogs and molested younger kids...he eventually was taken out of the family...very dangerous kid. He had attachment disorder. He was charged with sexual assault because the children were six years younger than him. Killing animals is very notewothy and not even a little normal. Seek a psychiatrist fast even if you have to travel.

    Dont own pets. Watch her carefully near other kids. How is her behavior at school?
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2017
  7. Maria Stan

    Maria Stan New Member

    Thanks a lot for your answer.
    Her childhood was very good. We did not divorce and she was not separated from anyone.
    No, she doesn't seem to have real remorse. We talked about this last week and she told me she had no remorse. She thought she was normal until she accidentally found a site about animal abuse where it was written that normal people should feel remorse when they torture an animal, but she wants to torture every animal she sees. Only the thought of torture makes her heart race. The smaller, cuter and the innocent the animal is, the more the desire of torture grows. We are very lucky that she can control her impulses.
    At school she is that student who has good grades even if she doesn't study almost anything because she doesn't care about school. She is kind to anyone who is nice to her. When someone behaves badly with her she could even punch them without any remorse. She can control any emotion but she chooses to hit those who behave badly with her. One day, a younger child from her school poured some water on her boots and she kicked him at the back and then to the liver. She threatened him with death, then wanted to punch him to the face, but there were cameras. She is guided by this idea: "You behave well, I behave well. You behave badly, I behave worse.".
     
  8. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    She needs to be mentally evaluated. Has she ever started fires? Did she wet the bed after the normal age?
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Im sorry. Somehow she has very serious behaviors that have nothing to do with her great parents or upbringing. But killing animals is not devrlopmental. It is highly unusual and troubling. Having no remorse can indicate the beginning of an adult who is antisocial and has no problem hurting people and animals either physically or through other behavior like theft and pathological lying...I would see a psychiatrist (the doctor psychiatrist, not just a therspist) and start with that. Does she threaten or hurt YOU? Steal? Lie? Act sexually inappropriately? Like to mess with fire or pee and poop inappropriately?

    Three are three behaviors of a budding antisocial.....we learned the hard way. Crayola got them right.

    1. Harming or killing animals
    2. Fascination with fire
    3. Inappropriate pooping and peeing.

    Our adoped son did all three, although he hid the fire and pooping part so well that only the younger children knew, and they were too terrified of him to tell. He threatened to kill us all if they told by setting the house on fire. They believed him. They were very little and we had him from 11-13. He was very charming to adults, even psychiatrists. Not until we found out the worst did he fall apart. We have not seen him since, but he is in his late 20s now and has three kids (we found his FB. We shudder thinking of him as a father). I hope all the treatment he got once he was put in residential treatment did some good. Othereise...his poor little kids!

    You need to act now. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2017
  10. Maria Stan

    Maria Stan New Member

    Thank you for answering to me.
    She hasn't ever started fires because she is afraid of fire. When she was 6 years old, our house almost burned and after that, she became afraid of fire.
    She wetted the bed when she was 5 or 6 but only once.
     
  11. Maria Stan

    Maria Stan New Member

    Now, the problem is that she refuses to be taken to a psychiatrist because she's sure that her behavior is not so bad.
    She told me she had no choice but to lie to the psychiatrist if I would force her to go. So she will convince him that she is good and I'm crazy.
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Maria, Welcome to our forum. This truly is a wonderful group where you will find support, help and zero judgement no matter how difficult your daughter becomes. My oldest son was very violent for many years and this group saved our lives and was able to help us all.

    So you truly have found the right place to find support. I cannot say if your daughter is evil. That is a subjective quality, and likely a religious judgement. I do think she is highly disturbed. Unless and until she is willing to accept help, I don't know if much can be done.

    The others are correct. Harming animals is a very serious thing. Feeling no remorse about harming an animal is even more serious. What she describes is actually torturing an animal, that desire to see the fear in their eyes. I would be incredibly worried about any vulnerable being around her, animal or human, because she could get that same thrill from either. My oldest was very violent to people, but he would rather blind himself than harm any animal. Even if that animal attacked him!

    It is my concern that she expresses a desire to be a 'good person' to you because she wants something from you, not because she has any genuine desire to change. I say this because she refuses to see a psychiatrist and says she will lie if you make her see one. I don't think forcing her to see a doctor accomplish anything positive.

    Your daughter would rank high on what are called callous unemotional personality traits. This means she has a distinct lack of empathy or emotion. She likely does not recognize other people's emotions even when they are displayed very dramatically. If she is socially adept, she may be able to identify emotions, and to appear to display them, but she probably doesn't actually respect other people's emotions.

    The things you are describing are very scary. None of us are able to give you a diagnosis because it is a very complicated process. I can say that years ago I knew a mother of a boy who tortured animals. Our son's saw the same psychiatrist. That boy was called a 'budding psychopath' but much more was known about his behavior and thought processes by the doctor. I do know that he set fires. In fact the mother left him alone in the waiting room and he got into another mother's purse and set the waiting room on fire! We were in a therapy session and the entire hospital had to be evacuated.

    I don't think enough is known about your daughter to say anything close to that about her. I would think about the circumstances of the fire that scared her though. Is it possible that she was playing with fire at that time and set the fire accidentally? Could that be what scared her? If so, at least she is smart enough to be scared off by harming herself. That is a good thing. Many people are not scared off even when they get hurt when they play with fire.

    How does your daughter behave when she is disciplined by you and her father? If you take something away, does she get angry and retaliate or act out in some way? Or does she accept her punishment the way a normal child would? What is a normal method of disciplining her when she gets into trouble? What do you think she would do if you took the internet away from her for accessing these videos of animal torture? Has it occurred to you to supervise her internet usage or to remove all internet usage as a consequence for viewing inappropriate material? This is pretty common her in the US, but is it a common thing to do in your country? What would her reaction be?

    We may suggest something, but we don't have to live with the results. We really do understand if you don't feel that what we suggest is the right thing to do. These are just ideas, and not all ideas are right for every family. I truly don't know if your daughter is evil, but something is extremely wrong. Please do not leave her alone with any animals, children or vulnerable people. If you feel she is a danger to you, do whatever you feel you need to do in order to protect yourself. I know firsthand how hard that can be.
     
  13. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    I do not know what to say here being from an similar place I wanna point something else we have less compassion for animals then in the USA, seems hard but its true I personally liked to kill mice, rats, pigeons, crows, doves, hares with an slingshot I was really mean.

    I do not consider myself evil then or now but I did enjoy what I did it was one of my hobbies when I was an kid there was not much in fun back for yourself so that might have been an reason.

    Sometimes boredom and kids makes them do strange and awful things. Granted in my case my parents liked that I killed what they considered pests so no worry there from them.

    My point she might just be bored and not without any psychological issues.
     
  14. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    Maria I am very sorry for the scary situation you are in. My heart goes out to you. I agree with everything Susiestar said. And I absolutely wouldn't leave her alone with vulnerable children or animals. I think it's important that she is evaluated by a psychiatrist and also important that you tell whomever the doctor is that your daughter has already said that she would lie and try to manipulate the situation to her advantage. I think it's important for you and your husband to get help so it's not just you and he trying to figure out what is going on with your daughter. That is a very stressful situation to be in.

    To A dad: My brother also had a high powered sling shot that he used on "pests." I think the difference here between your experience (also my brother's) and Maria's daughter is that you were 1. Not torturing animals and 2. Not harming family pets. I can't see what she's described (killing the family hamsters, watching videos of animals being tortured, kicking and harming small children, saying she won't kill them only because she believes in God) as being motivated by boredom. Even in the USA where we do have a high compassion for animals, it is socially acceptable to kill what are considered pests or to hunt animals for food or sport. But, sadly, I don't think that's what she is doing. :(
     
  15. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    I never tortured an animal that being said i have long time friends childhood friends that did this and there people with an career and an family. One of my friends who I know since I was four once set fire on an dog his dog and really liked to kill bugs for some reason.
    But in his defense he was in an abusive family once he got out of there things got better. He was beaten and yelled at every day hard to miss when we where neighbors.

    But in this case something is wrong here.
     
  16. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    Yikes!