17yo Difficult Child has 9 days left of residential treatment. But, her attitude has gotten worse instead of better. husband and I drove to the first two Sunday afternoon visitations, stayed over on the first Sunday so we could have a meeting with Difficult Child and the clinician. She pretty much shut down when the therapist asked about future house rules. Then I drove up two Wednesday evenings, the first to take her older sister who she wanted her to visit, and then the next week, I drove my son, her bio dad, to visit. He has had two spinal fusions and it's hard for him to drive long distances. It is a 400 mile round trip. On Thursday, we had a phone conference with Difficult Child and the clinician. She had asked us to make a list of expectations. I made it short and sweet... I thought. Be truthful Our home is a substance free area Be willing to communicate... If necessary, take a cool down time if you feel upset. Be willing to admit mistakes, take responsibility, make amends. Be part of the family. Pitch in. Communicate. Have fun together. I guess I set the bar too high? Just kidding...this is what I would expect of anyone living in our home. Some issues we have had so far. On our second Sunday visit she had asked us to buy/bring two more tops as she had two that turned pink in the wash. There are strict guidelines...no V necks, liw or scoop necks, sleeveless, cropped, tears, questionable words or advertising. So I found two simple teen tops that I thought she would wear, one grey one black. Then she wasn't happy as they had no designs on them. Then she kept going on about everything she wanted... Nike or Jordan shoes. New clothes for school (it's an alternate school with less than 10 students) wanting to drive the car, on and on. I said that driving was a good goal to work towards, and she got angry and said "I am spending 28 days in this place! what are you doing??" I was shocked. I didn't respond and soon a tear ran down my face. I was composed, not crying, trying to be composed as we were in a room with other clients and their family. Then she said, "well, if grandma us going to sit here and cry, I will just go back to my room" then she got up and left us setting there. We left and started the long drive home. To give her some credit, she did call us that night and apologized. She said she was afraid she might cry and hates for others to see her emotional. That she did return to the room, but we had left. Then this Wednesday, she needed another pair of jeans, as one pair ripped in the back. She described a pair at home...dark denim, skinny jeans, kind of brown stitching on the seams, no holes, not faded. I only found one pair that fit that description. Well, after my son and I got there, those weren't the ones she wanted. Of course, she had waited to the last minute to wash her clothes and pack before heading there. We even found a hamper of clean clothes hidden under the stairway so she didn't have to put them away. Difficult Child hasn't called us since our phone conference. Besides discussing the rules, the therapist tried to get her to agree to a few activities with us. She shot down everything I and the clinician suggested. Like going out for a meal, going to a local play, going for a walk, volunteering together, work on a project together. The clinician suggested going to a coffee shop, pedicures, sporting event, etc. Nope. So she told Difficult Child she needed to come up with 5 things of her own, since she didn't like our ideas. Earlier she had mentioned wanting to work out (since not using meth, she has put on weight) I told her she still had a Y membership. No, she didn't want to go there. husband suggested suggested Planet Fitness, no, that place was too busy and she wouldn't feel comfortable. She wanted Genesis. I said no, as it was expensive and they require a long term contract. She also told the clinician that she had no bond or attachment to us. When we try to give her a hug or a pat on the back, it is like she cringes. But she is affectionate with her friends...even ones who don't treat her right or uses her. I don't see how any of this is going to turn out in a positive manner. I know she will manipulate most situations. She told the clinician she needed a couple days to "get settled" before starting school, because she can't work on her sobriety and school all at the same time. First she said 2 or 3 days...then said 2 or 3 weeks. She doesn't want to give up cigarettes...as she can't give up cigarettes AND meth. Uugghh! Still trying to get everything, and not do anything! Sorry so long. I just wanted to express what we are going thru, but to also give a back story of her and siblings being removed from parents, going to foster care at 3, living with us at 4, having her older brother sent to his bio dad. She has gone thru a lot. I get it. Then a boyfriend from hell who killed her self esteem, got her started on cigs, weed, alcohol, and then meth. Would pursue her, then cheat on her, even calling her to let her know who was in his bed. And she would wait for him to "choose" her again. For THREE years! Even when the court had a no contact rule! She had ran away 3 times and found at his moms house with him. I got him jailed for helping her skip school. Then Difficult Child despised me more. She cleaned out her savings account for him. Luckily, I think he is finally out of the picture. But mentally, for her, he was her one true love. Anyway...I am very conflicted. Disappointed. Angry.