Is This Typical or difficult child Behavior?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, May 14, 2012.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    difficult child had a great weekend and went out of hi way to no make me angry on Mother's Day, or at least that was what he said to me he was trying to do. We went out for dinner yesterday and since no one was hungry for dessert, he offered to treat the family to Bakin Robbins a little while later. So, all in all, really a great weekend for him.

    Then this morning comes. He wakes up and I get him to come down to the kitchen to take his medications. He's just so...blah is the best way I can describe it. I ask him if anything is bothering him and he tell me no, so I jump in the shower. I come out and he isn't dressed yet. Since he was feeling sort of blah, I tell him that I spoke to the therapist the other day (he's refused to go to the therapist since we called the police about a month ago, but I've been trying to get him to go) and he was asking how you were doing and wanted to know if you wanted to come in and talk to him. He said that he would, but when. I told him that I would have to see when I could get an appointment for him. I go to dry my hair. I come back and he tells me that he can't go to school because he has a headache and he doesn't feel well. Now, in my house unless you're running a fever or throwing up you go to school. I gave him two Advil and told him that he should start his day and see how he was feeling. He started crying, telling me that he can't go. I asked if there was something at school that was bothering him? A test? Another kid? Worried about his track meet tomorrow? He said no to everything. Just that he didn't feel well and he would not be able to do well, and if he didn't do well today he would start to feel like he could never do well. On and on this went, all the while I'm doing my best to assure him that I understand exactly how he feels, that I have felt the ame way many times before, but that he still needed to do what he needed to do and go to school. He remained calm for the most part, but kept insisting that he wasn't going and I couldn't make him. I told husband that I might need help so he gets up, but stays out of it to see what happens. Then it was time for difficult child to leave for the bus stop, so I told him that he needed to put his shoes on and gather up his pencils and whatever he needs to take with him to school. He does, all the while crying, telling me that he needs to stay home and why can't I jut be nice?! I told him that I'm his mom and sometimes it's my job not to be nice.

    He went, slamming the door on his way out and throwing the newspaper at the front door. I can see the bus stop from one of the windows in my bedroom, and I watched to make sure that he actually got on the bus.

    So, my question for all of you wise difficult child moms is this: is this difficult child behavior, or typical teenage hormonal angst? I'm voting for teenage angst, but I wanted other opinions. Thanks!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Although teens can be a pain (I've raised five to at least age fifteen), this in my opinion is gfgish. None of my teens ever had these sort of extreme moodswings and changes in behavior, not even my son with autism. Our difficult children tend to be a lot more emo and difficult with everything than TTs. Hormones don't help, of course. They just make everything worse. But it has not been my experience, at least, that this is par for the course for teenagers. I have a fifteen year old who is grumpy in the mornings, but, even half asleep, she leaves for school with no problems. None of my kids had trouble leaving for school.

    On the other hand, I think this is typical behavior (possibly) for a teen with anxiety who has trouble with transitions. As a difficult child teen myself, when I was that age, I used to heat the thermometer (when they had that type of thermometer...back in the dinosaur days) so that Mom would keep me home because she'd think I was sick. I missed at least thirty days a year and was VERY VERY nervous at bad that I could barely concentrate. Also, kids can be brutal at age 13. I had a lot of bullying going on, but I didn't tell my parents. You may want to explore that. Rather than typical teen or not typical teen, I think this is high anxiety over school and fear of it.

    Hugs!!! I k now that our kids can drive us nuts sometimes!
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, typical teen is exaggerated with-g's fg. Sigh.
    My son does this, too. We are trying to get him to be more specific in regard to his aches and pains. "Touch the part that hurts," helps a lot.
    Also, when he feels blah (like I feel right now) he won't force himself to do anything. There's no drive like in most people. (Somehow, Temple Grandin and John Elder Robison came up with-that drive but they had natural inclinations and interests ... I don't see my difficult child with-any do-able interests.)
    So, do I go back to bed or keep on truckin'?
    I hope he perks up as the day goes on.
    by the way, do no call him to check on him. I've learned that the hard way. He'll definitely insist on coming home if you call.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I can't call him because he doesn't have a phone, which I suppose is a good thing because that means he can't call or text me, either.

    I think that once he gets to school he will be able to go about his day. It's just getting him going sometimes that causes problems. He's done this before, but not to this extreme.

    I think that if he could have given me a good reason I might have let hinm stay home. A test that he felt he wasn't prepared for. A kid bothering him. Something that I could at least try to help him with. But "I have a headache and just don't want to go" is not, at least to me, a good enough reason to let him stay home.

    Mean mom strikes again!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  6. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I am going to have to say this is difficult child behavior. My difficult child does this on a regular basis. At least you got him to go to school. And, once he is there I am sure he will be fine. My difficult child pulls this with the tears and everything, and on the days we can get her to school, she is fine.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    An exceptional day requires exceptional effort... which means the next day is USUALLY a problem... for a difficult child.
    We face that all the time. Yes, they "can" hold it together, but it comes at an expense.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I agree with everyone..., put it all together and that is the problem. Our kids are kids first, with all the right to have typical teen problems and it is just so messed up when difficult child issues are there. My niece will fuss and want to stay home from school but wont get all aggressive when faced with consequences or direct instructions to get moving. She goes, grumbles and gets over herself. Sorry he is giving you such grief, I always knock wood or say a prayer over this stuff. These are the days the nurse calls and says my kid actually does have a fever and seems genuinely sick, LOL.
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    ICD, I hadn't thought of that. Yes, he made an exceptional effort yesterday, or at least that is what he told me. Maybe he was just tired from the effort he put forth yesterday.

    Like I said, he's done this before, but it's usually after a bad night the night before. After some type of tantrum. I guess that's why I didn't think of it.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I would say it's very "typical" for a difficult child !

    Like Insane describes - my difficult child can hold it together for short periods of time....but then there is almost always some kind of negative fallout somewhere else. Sounds like the same thing may be happening with your son.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sometimes nothing tangibly bad is going on at school. Some kids just have school phobia. I did. If he is ok once he is there, count your blessings. It isn't always that way. At LEAST you have THAT :)
  12. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Not typical teen, probly his anxiety issues manifesting. Too bad he didn't or couldn't tell you why. -RM
  13. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I picked him up after track practice and he wa fine. He didn't mention this mornings issues, and I certainly was not going to bring it up! He's doing homework right now, so whatever the issue was, he either worked it out or was able to get over it. Either way, I'll take it!