Jens's post - coffee instead of cigs

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Sep 25, 2007.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    This post is Jens from the Watercooler she asked me to cut and paste it here til she learns to cut and paste herself!! /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/throwpc.gif

    It has been 12 yrs since I have quit smoking, and there are days more so lately, that I could just inhale a cigarette, and never blow out. Coffee actually helps than hinders, like tea for others.

    Came over to check out the watercooler for a change. It is nice here cause alot of topics may have to do with our kids in general, but not the difficult child end of it.

    Right now I am so dealing with my easy child daughter , sister in law, and grandson. My daughter and her husband have been married for over 2 yrs now. They made the mistak of moving into a shared home with his brother, which by all definition is a major difficult child, girlfriend, and their daughter.You can about imagine how that all played out. Thier marriage has been on the rocks since last Oct. Her way out was to join the army, move her husband adn grandson here, adn go from there. Cool, now they are looking at seperation. Though my daughter is guilty of alot in this relationship, I can see why she couldnt handle her husband anymore. She loves her son, adn will be sending for him soon, for a 4 months stay, before being deployed.

    In the meantime, I have went from helping my sister in law emothionally, and fincailly to not talking much. I find him to be soo lazy. He works, and helps take care of his son, withmy help and my husband, but that is it. He doesnt help around the house, he has gotten to the point that he feels he owes no explanations or ap. I finally gave him my thoughts nicely but to the point ( nothing else has worked). So now he stays at my sonsnad his families small house with his son. That I can understand, but my grandson I feel has not been anyones focal point.

    It is all a moot point, and it is their lives, but somehow I need to get my house in order, adn when I ask for him to do that and pack stuff up, he says yes, but his actions say no. I still try to help out by wathcing my grandson while he is at work. I do this for my grandson.

    My other problems is they go through their money before the nec, bills, his hospital bills(thankgod my daughter has health insurance), past due electric bills, overcharges with the bank statements, and new car payments, cell phone bills, that are all over due. They are just piling up on my daugthters bed. She is 2300 miles away, adn neither one is adressing the money issues.

    So it is driving me nuts to have all this setting here. My husband handles it the same way they do ignore. By the way did i mention he has his cat here, I am feeding it. Even when sister in law was here over the weekend foir a few minutes never cleaned out litter box, pee is on my carpet. I asked him last night to take care of that before work, adn no sight of him. I also think he dropped his son off at daycare but not sure iof he is ther, or I am to pick him up?

    My difficult child son is loving all this cause he has always been jealous of his sister. So he is sympathizing with the sister in law, adn has taken him in. This of course doesnt goe with-o a price of driving my son and his wife to work, since their car is broken doesn. They say they have nmoney but wonty pay the money to fix it. My son rather gives sister in law money then c/o how fast he goes through it.

    I also know my son has introduced my sister in law to a girl. My sister in law cant even find his own girl to date by himself. I have no problem with his personal life, it is his, but just finding out alot aobut him.

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ah, Jen. What a pain.
    I would NOT keep that cat. Sorry, it's NOT your cat and if it's peeing all over, it can pee in their house or go to a non-kill shelter.
    You can't control your grown kids. Yes, we worry. I worry too. In the end they make their own choices and their own mistakes. I'll have that coffee with ya. I'm a coffee addict.
    Just when ya think it gets easier because they're "adults", it doesn't. (((Big hugs)))
  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    If the son in law is gone why do you have the cat? I think I would convert it to an "outdoor cat" if you have any interest in keeping it.

    I am glad you gained some perspective on your daughter's viewpoint of her marriage. I do think she did an honorable thing when she joined the service. She was trying to cope with making a living and figuring out how to support her family since her hubby wasn't stepping up to the plate. I do think she was escaping to some degree, but she was young and didn't know how to get out of the marriage.....Now that she knows I think its probably time she filed for at least separation. She needs to untangle the finances, especially if HE is out spending anything available. Why do they have a NEW car? Does he work? other than driving people around?

    Sounds to me like they need to part he interested in being a father to their boy? That would be the only part I would worry there going to be a custody problem with her being in the service? I think I would start investigating that aspect.....and when asked give advice to your daughter about that......
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    No outdoor cats!!!!

    (Give it to the pound, or someone who wants it, but "outdoor cats" are just wrong!)