BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Jumper has been really closed down lately, which is her way of dealing with problems. Finally I asked her what was wrong and she broke down crying and said she wasn't voted captain of her basketball team and that everyone hates her. She really deserved to be captain too. She's the leader. If she plays poorly, and out of frustration and demoralization over this, she hasn't been doing well...nor has anyone else. Seems like as she goes, so goes the team...but...
She is almost 18. And she does not like to whine or tell me everything. I just found out that maybe a month ago some girls went and got concert tickets and did not ask her to go with them. According to a friend of mine who I trust, the girls did it when Jumper wasn't there and then the tickets ran out. That's, I'm sure, the short version. That's all my friend knows. So Jumper took it to mean she was ignored by her crowd and would not talk to her close friend for a long time and is still ignoring everyone as it snowballs out of control. Whether they are being mean to her or not, I don't know. All I know is that she feels like her only friend at school is her AWESOME and neverfailingly kind boyfriend. But usually the best player on a team is voted the captain and she is the best player on the team, All-Conference, the hardest working player they have.
She has not been her normal self lately.
Since I don't really know 100% of the story (nobody except the girls involved probably ever will) I don't know what to do. She may be cutting off her nose to spite her face. Jumper is VERY stubborn. I did talk to her coach who admitted that Jumper is acting different and unmotivated and I told her why and suggested she give Jumper a position on the team that will make her feel validated and appreciated because otherwise she probably won't have a very good year (which means the team won't). The coach is very eager to have a good team...they have the potential.
I am at a loss because Jumper doesn't usually hurt for friends. It's not like anyone would bully her. I think kids would be afraid to bully her because of her size and strength. But they can ignore her. Or she could be ignoring them. My friend says her daughter has made overtures to Jumper, but that Jumper refuses to take them. I don't know how much of this is true or not.
I hate to see Jumper so sad in her senior year. Plus she is unmotivated about what to do regarding college now and this is the time when she has to apply and get her act together, but she seems depressed. I told her I'd like to have her to talk to a counselor and she said, "Go ahead, but I won't talk. I won't say a word." And she won't.
Jumper is almost eighteen. I can't make her go to counseling and it won't work if she refuses to talk. How would you handle this? It is such an important time of her senior year with making college choices and stuff. My normal gut says to let her work it out, but if something doesn't change, she won't work it out. How would you handle this? Her coach is concerned and said she'll handle it tonight.
Why is it so hard to be a mom, especially of an older kid when you can't do much? Seems like when one is thriving the other is having problems, especially when there are FOUR kids.
On another sweet note, Scott, the child who hasn't spoken to us for six years, had another grandchild of mine I will never see. But, on the plus side, Julie is pregnant. I don't know whether to be happy or sad...lol. Seriously, right now my focus is Jumper. She is a hard kid to help because she never asks for any help, but she does need guidance right now. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
She is almost 18. And she does not like to whine or tell me everything. I just found out that maybe a month ago some girls went and got concert tickets and did not ask her to go with them. According to a friend of mine who I trust, the girls did it when Jumper wasn't there and then the tickets ran out. That's, I'm sure, the short version. That's all my friend knows. So Jumper took it to mean she was ignored by her crowd and would not talk to her close friend for a long time and is still ignoring everyone as it snowballs out of control. Whether they are being mean to her or not, I don't know. All I know is that she feels like her only friend at school is her AWESOME and neverfailingly kind boyfriend. But usually the best player on a team is voted the captain and she is the best player on the team, All-Conference, the hardest working player they have.
She has not been her normal self lately.
Since I don't really know 100% of the story (nobody except the girls involved probably ever will) I don't know what to do. She may be cutting off her nose to spite her face. Jumper is VERY stubborn. I did talk to her coach who admitted that Jumper is acting different and unmotivated and I told her why and suggested she give Jumper a position on the team that will make her feel validated and appreciated because otherwise she probably won't have a very good year (which means the team won't). The coach is very eager to have a good team...they have the potential.
I am at a loss because Jumper doesn't usually hurt for friends. It's not like anyone would bully her. I think kids would be afraid to bully her because of her size and strength. But they can ignore her. Or she could be ignoring them. My friend says her daughter has made overtures to Jumper, but that Jumper refuses to take them. I don't know how much of this is true or not.
I hate to see Jumper so sad in her senior year. Plus she is unmotivated about what to do regarding college now and this is the time when she has to apply and get her act together, but she seems depressed. I told her I'd like to have her to talk to a counselor and she said, "Go ahead, but I won't talk. I won't say a word." And she won't.
Jumper is almost eighteen. I can't make her go to counseling and it won't work if she refuses to talk. How would you handle this? It is such an important time of her senior year with making college choices and stuff. My normal gut says to let her work it out, but if something doesn't change, she won't work it out. How would you handle this? Her coach is concerned and said she'll handle it tonight.
Why is it so hard to be a mom, especially of an older kid when you can't do much? Seems like when one is thriving the other is having problems, especially when there are FOUR kids.
On another sweet note, Scott, the child who hasn't spoken to us for six years, had another grandchild of mine I will never see. But, on the plus side, Julie is pregnant. I don't know whether to be happy or sad...lol. Seriously, right now my focus is Jumper. She is a hard kid to help because she never asks for any help, but she does need guidance right now. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
