Just a couple questions

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by endofmyrope, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. endofmyrope

    endofmyrope New Member

    I am new here and not sure how it all works yet. I've tried other online groups and they were not very supportive. I am having a really hard time dealing with my 16 year old with ODD. He had an IEP meeting yesterday where they denied him again, and basically gave him "permission" to blame all of it on me. He doesn't want to get any kind of help because he blames me for EVERYTHING. I am at my wits end. He said some very hurtful things tonight and I have taken this for so long and husband is at work so there is no support here. My parents think it is all in my head as well as almost everyone else I try to turn to for support. Please can anyone offer some words of wisdom to help me through this bumpy night. I cannot cry myself to sleep again. I am too tired
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Welcome to the most wonderful place. I've been blamed for my kids problems, too. Mostly by my family. The school doesn't see a problem (yet). Does he have any other diagnosis besides ODD. Just about every kid talked about here could be ODD including mine. ODD behaviors happen for a verious reasons. My son acts out because of ADHD, bipolar, anxiety, and abuse. If you don't know why he is acting out try and get him evaluated. Who diagnosis him ODD? Was it the school? Is he on any medications? I'm sorry the school is not being helpful. How maddening.
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    Hi and welcome. My son was 15 when I came here six years ago. Everything was my fault at that point too. I too have to echo the "get a current evaluation."
  4. endofmyrope

    endofmyrope New Member

    he sees a psychiatrist once a month. He has been diagnosis and confirmed by 3 others with ODD, ADHD, and he was depression but dr recently d/c the depression medications. THe school did not diagnosis him, we sought out an independant diagnosis. The school doesn't believe any of the ODD stuff because he does not act out at school. The IEP found a learning disability with written expression but because he "doesn't want help" they won't "make him" do anything.
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    What medications does the psychiatrist have him on? Is he learning in school? Not acting out in school can be a mixed blessing. He is holding it together somewhere, but he is missing out an some help. You might want to post in the sp ed forum. Martie is great at IEP and SD questions. Do you think there is more going on than the docs have found?
  6. endofmyrope

    endofmyrope New Member

    He is currently on Adderall and risperdal. He is learning some in school. Very bright but no self motivation at all. The not acting out at school is a mixed blessing because he doesn't get into much trouble except not turning in home work, disorganized assignments, and unfinished work or unreadable writing. I live in a school district that is very hard on parents of kids like this. I have been trying to get an IEP since first grade and this was the closest we have gotten. like I said they found him "inelligible" because he doesn't want to be labeled Learning Disability (LD). I think it is very dangerous to give kids with ODD and anger management problems sooooooo much control. He is using the whole event against me.
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's a sad comment when schools allow our difficult children to make decisions of this nature. They may be physically of an age to make various decisions, but many of our children lack the maturity, the reasoning skills, have too many maladaptive behaviors/coping skills to process their needs; whether it's medications, IEPs or therapy. As parents, we're held responsible for our children until they reach legal age of adulthood. Yet these same children are allowed to make choices regarding necessary treatments & other interventions that makes it impossible for a parent to have any impact.

    Okay, I'm off my soapbox!

    I'm sorry you've had so much trouble of late.
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    It is upsetting. He just vetoed the help he needs and the school is giving him the authority to do so. Who is the parent here!! The problems he has are so typical ADHD; typical anyone with executive function problems. I'd trying posting in the sp ed forum to see what can be done. Also, there are others better informed than me that will probably come along. They just aren't online right now. Keep your self-esteem up no matter what he says.
  9. endofmyrope

    endofmyrope New Member

    thank you for the justification. It is soooo good to hear others have the same arguments as I. It also feels good to hear someone not tell me it is my fault.
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    That old "it's the parent's" argument is so old...so very unreasonable. I learned after a couple of years of taking those kind of comments to put my foot down.

    It was pretty obvious, even to an uneducated person like me, that my difficult children needed more than "a consistent parent". Geeeez.

    Hold you head high, knowing that your difficult child has a neurochemical issue (ADHD) with the resultant defiant behaviors.

    Apparently, your difficult child is of an age, where you will have little say in his treatment plans unless you can get difficult child on the team.

    I hate that for you...

    Don't let choices, situations, or words that your difficult child throws your way get you down.

    Take some time for yourself....spa day, manicure. You time. A bubble bath with a glass of wine.

    Just for tonight, be gentle to yourself. :smile:
  11. ellenr1

    ellenr1 New Member

    I know all about those nights that you just give up and cry from exhaustion, physical, mental, emotional. I think the short-term advice to be kind and try to pamper yourself in some way is very helpful. I've got two kids with significant emotional problems that basically rule my household and their father's, and it's hard to hear others who haven't walked in your shoes suggest that you haven't parented your child the right way.

    A cup of tea, a good hot shower or bubble bath and a good night's sleep may give recharge your battery enough to do some research on the Spec. Ed. pages. You can only do so much to control a teenager; don't let it eat you alive.

    Sending cyber hugs....