Hi and welcome,
I'm so sorry you are tired and worn out. I was where you were at one time only I had married a man that made Manson look like Bambi and given birth to the next Jeffrey Dahlmer. Swear. The x never got any better and I left. He actually got worse. He is by definiton evil. He's A true sociopath and a self medicating BiPolar (BP). I believe he talked the devil out of his pitchfork.
My son is now 17. If I would have thought that he could get any better from age six to my near breakdown and eventual stroke? I would have said SURE (with enthusiasm) because I am an eternal optimist. Some of the behaviors my son had were beyond description to any other group but this one - at times abusing animals, fascination with fire, fingerpainting with feces (Poopcaso), yelling raging fits that lasted for 2 + hours, kicking holes in everything, and numerous medications, hospitalizations, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, group homes and now Foster care.
I really did have a stroke because of the stress. My health went in to the toilet, and my relationship with my son is at best - I'll call you when I NEED/WANT something. I'm learning how to detach. But the thing that just flipping hit my switch was to hear after ALL the pshyco-diagnosis - "You know he can control this - it's just behavioral." and finally 'He's a budding anti-social with Borderline tendencies and you should lock your bedroom door at night if he spends time there."
So I think I have an idea where you are coming from believing that he is evil. And what you both need in my humble opinion more than anything is a break from each other. NOW. There are agencies all over that will take a kid for you for the weekend. It's called respite. And you are much in need of it. NOT a family member or a friend - but someone who is trained and paid to watch your kid while you RECOUPERATE, take a bath with the sound of nothing more in your house than the hum of the fridge, the dryer going around and your own breath.
The medications-go-round is not fun, but unfortunately sometimes it IS the lesser of two evils - and finding the correct medication is a parc shoot at best. I can name 65 medications my son was on in 11 years - I can't name all the incorrect diagnoses without looking back at my "here is who we are and where we've been sheet' - (Also a brilliant idea to do for any other doctors psychs you may see) it gives a history of what has been tried, where your kids been , behaviors, emerging behaviors and what has NOT worked.
You can - ultimately file in family court a proclamation for emancipation and termination of your parental rights and he'll go into foster care and not be your worry any longer. That's always a last resort. And truth of the matter is - you CAN take more - you're just choosing NOT to because you have had it. I took a whole lot more than I ever dreamed I could - the difference came in my life when I said "NO - I won't TAKE any more." AND began to detach from my son at age 17.
My best bet at this point for you would be
1.) Make an appointment with a new set of doctors - and dont get into the details of the other place's diagnosis. Let THEM figure out what they see wrong in your son.
2.) Get with a psychologist that will WORK WITH YOU to tweek his medications until you get something that seems to help your son better. Nothing cures - (UNfortunately)
3.) Get with your local chapter of Mentor, or call your governors office and ask what programs are available in your state for seriously mentally disturbed children. Our's has a continuum and lucky us - we're in! (said with sarcasm)
4.) Find out from any local mental health agency where your son can start getting counseling once a week with a good behavior therapist. Cognitive Behavior Therapy seems to work better with kids like yours and mine. ONCE a week for him and YOU get some therapy too so you have a weekly vent before you blow up. Money an issue - Mental health agencies in your county work on sliding scale fees for "wrap services" (someone that comes to your house and does thearpy, psychologist, psychiatrist services - and sometimes a camp in the summer time so you can get a break.
5.) come here often and talk - vent - type. You can't type something that someone here has not gone through or understood - it's a very diverse, helpful and understanding community. I've learned a lot and hopefully helped more than I've taken from it.
You are not alone -
You are not alone -
Just learn as much as you can - read, educate yourself, learn about HOW TO MAKE THE SCHOOL help you -
Does your son have an IEP or 504?
Do you even know that the school can PAY for your son to have a shadow in school to help him or remove him from the class when he's acting out?
- If I had a nickle for every time I said "I can't take anymore -" I'd be in a seedy 3rd world country, rich and have a cabanna boy bringing my chocolate and booze." (author notes she does not drink as due to GFGism she would never have stopped)
Hugs
Star