Just sad

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Jun 21, 2019.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    I recently wrote about how awful my daughter's boyfriend treated me the last time I saw him, a few weeks before he was kind and talkative to me and brought me flowers, I thought everything was ok.. My daughter saw the behavior and agreed it was horrible. Yet she continues to act like everything is ok.
    I told her I do not do off and on. I told her I was done.
    I would have NEVER dated a man that treated my family or friends as awful as he has treated us.
    I saw a change in him for about 7 months and now he is back to being horrible. It is hard dealing with my daughter and knowing she is allowing her boyfriend to treat us this way. He looks right through us and acts like he does not even know we are there.

    Do I just keep ignoring him? How stupid, just see him and act like he is not there? That goes against who I am as a person. I feel he is forcing me to act in a way I am not comfortable with.
    If you have dealt with this kind of situation how do you handle it? I have talked with him about it. I have talked with him about it twice. He is very uncomfortable around us, does not make eye contact or even look at us like we are invisible or tries to dehumanize us.

    My husband says 'at least he can tolerate our daughter' yes I am thankful for that and I am thankful that she does not have any bruises, but they game each other often and keep each other is turmoil and confusion.

    They live in the same neighborhood and I do run into them. How do I handle this the best and healthiest way? I pride myself on being kind and compassion to everyone that crosses my path. My friends tell me they can't believe he treats us like this.. In reality we all just want to be accepted and valued. I have tried to make him feel accepted and valued. I simply can't anymore. The deep disrespect is so awful I simply cannot tolerate it. If you have been in this position please advise.
  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I have been in this position. I dont like Kay's husband and he clearly doesnt like us. When we see him we minimalize talking to him. I am not grateful that he puts up with Kay. I wish he would leave her, although he is her meal ticket, although not a good one.

    If somebody is disagreeable it is best in my opinion not to try too hard. I dont think it works. And Lee and your daughter's boyfriend see how badly our daughters treat us so they know they can do it too. Lee often hides when we are over. We dont care, but its very rude.

    Your daughter allows this boyfriend to treat you badly because it doesnt bother her that he does it. Same with my Kay and her Lee. It has to do with them (the men) and who they are, not us.

    I would just be pleasant. My mama would say "just kill them with kindness" about anyone who is unkind. She also told me that I didnt have to sink to the level of unpleasant people. I do that the best I can. Its not always easy. Sometimes my jaw hurts from fake smiling. But I am not going to act like him nor am I going to beg Lee to treat us well. Our girls likely picked men as mentally ill as they are. And as unhappy and unpleasant.

    Remember we can't control another person. Yes, it is hard to accept that at least for me. You did your best. HE didnt.
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