Just when I think Jumper is moving on...how much can Mom take?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Jumper went to the fire works with an old friend. I thought it would be good for her to get away from our town. She went to the fireworks in a distant town with her and her mom. Guess who was there?

    Yep, Joe and his entire family and nobody, including Joe, would even look at her, but she spent the entire time staring at him. Damn!!!! I thought she was getting over him. Now this is a huge setback.

    Seriously, as a mom I don't know what to do anymore. She won't talk to her friends about it and says she won't talk to a therapist about it and she's really sad. Although when I asked her if she was suicidal, she burst out laughing and said, "Stop being dumb, Mom."

    My son is going through a divorce and his wife is leaving with son tomorrow so that's going on too. Son found out who her boyfriend is and called me. Seriously...why did I have any kids? I can't handle all their heartache. It's harder with Jumper because she lives with me.

    Thanks for reading my vent.
  2. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Seeing Joe and processing how he treated her might help Jumper get some closure. She may been fantasizing that he would see her and come running to apologize and beg her to take him back. When that didn't happen, maybe it's a step in her moving past him.
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    MWM-I know it's hard to see J hurting. But you need to take a big step back. Yes she's sad - that's NORMAL. But she isn't staying home 24/7, she isn't crying into her soup. So she stared at her ex boyfriend for an hour during the fireworks. That's what teenagers do. If she were a 45 y/o women - you'd say "stop acting like a teenager and pull yourself together..." BUT J IS a teenager!!!

    When my boyfriend and I broke up in hs - I drove by his house half a dozen times in the first few days. Just in case I might bump into him. Mind you - he lived on a private road, 10 miles from my house. I don't know how I could've explained WHY I was on his street, but I did it anyway! My senior year, I broke up with a boy and broke his heart a bit. He found out I had moved on to another boy and he DROVE to the street for the party we were attending and drove around the court BLARING Phil Collins "Dont Let him Steal Your Heart Away" with his all the car windows down. It actually still melts my heart a little...

    Make sure she stays busy, gets enough sleep and decent food. Make sure she doesn't stay up all hours of the night on the internet or texting - try to limit her access when she should be sleeping. Just be there for her ... and keep her busy if you need to.

    We've all been in her shoes...part of life. One of the more hurty steps...
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sig, I know you're right. But I can't make her go out if she doesn't want to. As for sleeping, she's still up. She hasn't been sleeping. Guess I'll have to let her grieve, but it's so hard...
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sig is right. This too shall pass and she will be more mature and wiser in the future. It's a normal part of growing up. Stinks to have to watch them go through it......but so far her behavior is normal for her age.

    And I also think that seeing him tonight should squash any romantic notion she had that he'd come running back to her begging forgiveness......which will speed up her getting beyond this.

  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I hope this is the beginning of the end. She was doing ok until she saw him tonight.

    And my son's soon-to-be-X wife is flaunting her affair on Facebook.

    It's been a lovely night...haha.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I have to agree with the others on this one. And remember, even though getting over puppy love hurts like the dickens, it really is normal and nowhere near the heartache of a getting over a bad marriage and going thru a divorce so try not to project that on what J is feeling right now. I'm sure it's hard for you to see her go thru this and not be able to help her feel betterbut she will get over it in time and it might help you more to try to concentrate on getting a hobby or classd to join or something to do just for yourself. You've been a Mom for a long time- I worry you are going to have a tough time dealing with the 'empty nest' when that time comes.
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I remember when my easy child broke up with her first love. She was the one doing the breaking off, but it didn't make it any easier for her. She was devastated. My mother happened to be visiting within the first two weeks of the breakup. She couldn't understand why easy child was so sad. I told her she had lost her "love". Mom was so far removed from those teen issues that she said, "oh, she wasn't in love". I told my mother that she might not be in adult love, but she loved as much as a 17 year old could -- when it hurts, it hurts.

    Life will go on, eventually......it takes time. It's totally normal for her to be ok one minute and sobbing the next....

  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When easy child's first boyfriend broke up with her at the end of freshman year in high school she was devastated. She decided to go to that high school because of him, insetad of the one we were encouraging her to go to. They were both on the track team and because of the breakup she wanted to quit. She wanted to stop doing all the things she loved because of him. He ended up years later being gay, not that there is anything wrong with that and we are both glad he is happy but it reminds her now how that early love is just that, far too early to even know what you want.

    Her second serious boyfriend broke up with her right after his senior prom. He lived two doors away from us and it was awful. She would stand in our driveway and stare at his house and when he came outside she would stare at him and cry. I had to drag her inside so she didn't make a scene. It took her all summer to get over him. I hate breakups.

    Each time easy child went through a breakup it was like her world caved in. I am convinced you need to go through those breakups to prepare you for live,to teach you how to bounce back and how to handle disappointments and that you have to first love yourself before you can love someone else. But at the time I wanted to kill those boys for breaking my baby's heart. Of course I didn;t think any of them were future husband material for my precious daughter but that didn't matter at the time.

    The point is our kid's heartaches are almost worse on us than they are on them. We want to fix it, make them happy again, but reality is no one could fix our hearts when we were that age and if they hadf we wouldn't be the sttrong women we are now, the kind of weoman we want our daughters to grow into.

    She will be OK and so will you Mom. Keep doing what you are doing and assure her that her heart will mend and someday someone will come along that will make her heart sing and this time will only be a memory.

  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((MWM))) You are a very loving and caring mother, but I think right now you need to step back a little and take a long view. I know it's hard to see your kids hurt (I find it painful myself) but you also need to show a strong and supportive face and give each of your kids the message that they will get through this and be stronger in the end. Give J a little extra love, set some boundaries like no texting during sleeping hours, and give your son sound advice when he turns to you (Like get the best lawyer he can and make copies of all records, etc). I think it's hard to remember but they are old enough to navigate these issues with mom offering support from behind the scenes.
  11. MWM - I'm so sorry your children are going through these break-ups. It is so hard. You're doing the right thing just by being there for them to listen to and to support them.

    And you are coming here to vent and get support for yourself. Make sure you keep taking care of yourself so you can take care of them.

    I'm sure you were relieved that Jumper is not so depressed that she is feeling suicidal - she is sad and processing the feelings of anger, hurt and sadness.

    Keep doing what you're doing and both your children will come through the other side of this with your help and support. You're a great mom!
  12. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    MVW I'm sorry this is hard for you. Jumper may actually end up doing what she did all over yet again. Teenagers do these things. I watched mine do it over and over again expecting a different outcome. With each boyfriend infact she expected somehow it would magically change. They have to go through life on their own as hard as it is. As long as she is not suicidal (which mine did get to that point once and I had to intervene), then she's doing ok. They sometimes don't eat or sleep or function properly for a bit.

    As far as son's situation, no real advice there either. He is an adult. Mom hearts sometimes actually hurt more watching kids go through it I think.

    {hugs for you}
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to send hugs.