Kanga and Karma

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jul 26, 2010.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Another chapter in the life of our heroine...

    The investigation is almost complete. The details as previously reported were accurate except for one key detail. While intercourse was attempted, the two brainiacs couldn't figure out how all the parts went together and were unsuccessful.

    We will have a treatment team meeting next Monday to finalize Kanga's new "protective plan". This will clearly include far greater 1:1 supervision around boys as well as less access to boys in general. Her little adventure sparked the implementation of an idea that has been brewing in the background at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Starting in August, all classrooms and work crews will now be single sex. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is still horrified that their supervision failed and they want to do their best to ensure that it never happens again - with Kanga or any other girl.

    The only 'official' consequence handed down to her so far is a 30-day suspension from the job program (they do not punish until the investigation is complete to make sure they do not punish someone who turns out to be a victim - there is some concern that Kanga is the aggresor here but they don't think it rises to the level of the boy being a victim and Kanga certainly isn't a victim but I bet they checked that out too).

    However, unlike former Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where only a few kids expressed their displeasure at her antics, the kids here are quite obvious in their disgust with her. Her boyfriend was the one who initially talked and then Kanga denied anything happened and the boy got a lot of peer anger for lying about 'sweet little Kanga'. Then the truth came out. All the anger that had been directed at the boy turned on her and then some! The boy dumped her. The 'popular crowd' is now shunning her. Only 2-3 kids in the whole Residential Treatment Center (RTC) are even speaking to her at the moment. Kanga is totally confused that the kids are taking staff's side in this. (Wait until they are told about the new single-sex classrooms and work details - $10 they all blame Kanga.)

    She is completely unrepentant and told staff that once she is out of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) no one will stop her from doing what she wants to do. She is most definitely blaming everyone else for getting in her business. The most she could say to her therapist was that perhaps the laundry room of the cafeteria wasn't the best place to get it on (oh yes, thank goodness this did happen behind a closed door! no audience this time!!)

    Tonight I will be telling her that we know what happened. It should be an interesting conversation. I am at a much better place to have the conversation without giving her the emotional reaction. husband is still going to visit her this week but he will not be taking her off campus as he doesn't feel comfortable that she won't run or do something stupid if she sees a boy. This is the first time that HE has ever declined to take her off campus when she hasn't been on restriction.

    So, finally, natural consequences that actually mean something to her have occured.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sigh....just hugs! You seem to have a good team working to get this straightened out. I bet they all turn on her - you are right.

    Natural consequences at its finest.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I hope that the natural consequences give her an idea of what she can do to herself. Unfortunately... Probably not.

    For YOU, thought - LOTS of HUGS!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad that the kids at this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) are showing more of a "real world" reaction to what she did. Waiting to punish until the investigation is complete seems like a smart way to handle things and not do more damage to someone who was victimized.

    I doubt anyone is going to be nice to her for quite a while, esp after the single sex classes are announced. One positive thing is that girls learn far more in single sex classes than in mixed gender classes. Though boys learn less in all boy classes. (Theory is that girls are less likely to ask questions in front of boys. They still ask questions but they don't ask as many or as often. Boys ask very few questions so if there are no girls to ask questions they often don't fully understand and are unwilling to ask because they think they will look "stupid". Or that is what I remember from research I read a while back.)

    It would be nice if Kanga could connect the anger and disgust of the other kids to her behavior and use this to change her behavior, but I doubt she has enough grasp of reality for this to happen. One can hope though.

    Kudos to husband for being willing to refuse to take her off campus. She probably shouldn't be allowed to leave campus for anything but doctor appts for a long time. For her safety and the safety of any boy she meets, if nothing else.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I had to chuckle at the first paragraph! I know it's only funny in a sad way, but I still smiled in part because it didn't get all the way "accomplished". It sounds like this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is pretty good after all and this peer pressure might have the strongest effect on Kanga that she's ever had. I'm glad you are in a better place and can discuss some of this with her tonight.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) hotlined the incident to DCFS who merely documented it and is not investigating. Basically, they tattled on themselves (or took responsibility for their actions - what a concept!).

    Once the single sex classrooms/work groups go into effect, husband wants us to make sure that we connect the dots for Kanga so that she sees that her behavior has a long reaching impact that she didn't think through.
  7. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    I have just been able to read the last 2 new threads on Kanga'a latest. I am so sorry that you are walking through this. I just wanted to add my {{{hugs}}} and support and send you some prayers of strength.
    I like the idea of the implant - it will still leave her open to STDs - but that to me would be the lesser of the consequences of being sexually active. I feel sad that sometimes as parents of difficult children we have are often faced with choices that seem to be choosing BAD or WORSE.
    Hang in there
  8. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    JJJ....I'm sorry, I really am but......I'm laughing at your first paragraph. It didn't start as a LOL...honest. First there was the raised eyebrows, then the mouth twitch, then the snort and then.....well....I had to. Leave it to one of our difficult child's to go sooooooooooo far out of her way to...ahem....again...I'm sorry...."git-r-done" and then NOT be able to figure out slot a and tab b. Makes me wonder if Kanga realized that maybe she doesn't know all there is about sex after all. Or at least maybe a teensy spark of "Huh....wonder why that didn't work???"

    As for the rest.....I will keep my fingers crossed that the combined shunning and single sex situations may also at the very least cause a slight spark of a glimmer of awareness. I hate that it takes something like this but maybe now the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will realize that they too don't know it all.

    And again....I'm sorry for laughing but it just struck me as so ridiculous. Lil miss gonna do what I want....after ALL of the sex ed and personal research....couldn't figure it out. If I were in your shoes it would be a laugh or cry situation and I think you've probably done enough crying.

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is kind of funny in a sick way that after all the effort to find an opportunity to "do it" that they couldn't figure out how.

    It makes me wonder. There ARE some women who cannot have sex because they are too small and it requires a surgical procedure before intimacy can occur. I knew a girl in the dorm who had this problem. even though tampons were not a problem, sex was. I almost wonder if that isn't part of why they couldn't figure it out.

    It is probably too good to be true in Kanga's case. The girl I knew had no idea until she experienced the problem, talked to some of us and then we went with her to the health center. I don't even know the name of the problem, just that it existed. In her case the doctor labelled it something different because her parents would have pulled her out of college if they thought she was sexually active (very strict older parents).

    Wouldn't it be ironic if that was one of Kanga's problems?

    Hopefully the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) realizes that Kanga is more than willing to turn her attentions to girls so they need to continue to be hypervigilant while supervising her. The anger and disgust of the other girls will hopefully but a real damper on her plans.
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh, don't worry about laughing - it is funny. I originally typed the post with a :rofl: but I was afraid someone would think I was being insensitive. Glad you all laughed too - when the lead investigator told me I kind of snorted and then the whole team started giggling - I think working with or parenting a difficult child warps your sense of humor.

    I told Kanga today that we knew and she basically said it wasn't my business and she wasn't going to discuss it with me, it went downhill from there and she ended up refusing husband's visit this week and slamming the phone in my ear. husband is actually relieved - he really didn't want to visit but felt obligated since he had told her he was coming (pre-incident).

    I left therapist a message saying visit was canceled per-Kanga and that she was refusing to talk to us.

    Kanga is so easy to predict (for me at least). I predicted this incident - sadly at least one Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff didn't take me seriously. Now I predict that she will attempt to find wiggle room in the shunning and get at least a few youth and/or staff on her 'side'. Then the single-sex classrooms/work groups announcement will come out. She will either
    (1) create a crisis to get hospitalized so she can be around a new peer group and then will make up stories at the hospital in an attempt to get DCFS to order her moved to a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
    (2) she will start hitting people who 'think bad things' about her or
    (3) run.
    There is a slim chance that she will completely dissociate and just live in her fantasy world where she is popular and a princess but I think she'll crash into reality too often for the dissociation to be long term.

    I'm taking the other 3 on vacation so after tomorrow I do not have to deal with any Kanga-issues for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!!!!
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, you are doing amazingly well. I am so proud of you. You are in the thick of it and you are just amazing.
    I am so sorry for you all, and especially for Kanga, who just doesn't get it. Just so insistent. Sigh.
    Many, many hugs.
    Thank you for letting us know what happened (and yes, it brought a smile to my face, too). I'm glad it didn't really happen, so to speak, but this is just hte beginning. Many more hugs.
    Enjoy these five days!
  12. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    WOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!! Enjoy yourself and have a blast!
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sigh,...Ya know...I often shake my head at our kids. Often because I remember BEING our kids...lol.

    I feel for Kanga in a warped sorta way. I remember back when I was a young teen and all my friends were so much more experienced than I was...or so I was told by them. I went into public school from a tiny little private school. I was a fish out of water! I ended up having this boyfriend who I met when I was 13. He was 16. All my friends told me we should have sex! I didnt even know what sex was...lol. The boy was a good catholic boy thank heavens and told me we could only kiss because he wouldnt marry me...lmao. We werent even good at kissing! Talk about not knowing where Tab A goes into Slot B!

    Later...not much...I got very good at those tabs and slots!