You don't "know" me; I've been a bit out of touch lately. My cub is 6 so technically, I'm not an ECZ anymore. But, I was! My boy was only formally kicked out of one daycare but he was so close to getting kicked out of another, that we pulled him out before it could happen. Figured it was psychologically better that way. He was ... encouraged ... to leave another, which was kind enough to take him back after the formal booting out, but it was made clear he wasn't working out there and that his days were numbered.
We put him in the the public school Kindergarten, which is only 3 1/2 hrs a day. My husband quit his job. And yes, the psychiatrist doesn't take my insurance so I pay the big deductible for out-of-network. We have less money for sure but it's made a world of difference for him. Our daughter (a mostly easy child 8-year-old) is also happier. My son got one nastygram from the school fairly early in the year but nothing since. Not a model citizen by any means and his social skills are abysmal, but he is doing a lot better only being away from home 3 1/2 hrs a day instead of 9 or 10.
It was a big choice for us. Being a stay-at-home dad wasn't my husband's big goal in life, but he hated his job and is actually more patient than I am. We are hoping that our son will be able to handle the full day 1st grade and then after a little while, we'll see if spouse can go back to work. I think I'd be a wreck if I had to stay home all day, but I guess I'd find some coping tools. I like Andrea's idea of placing an "honest ad" if neither of you can deal with staying home with the cub. Wishing the best for you!