L turned 26

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Apr 2, 2009.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. L's dad had been paying her on his books $10,000 a year plus making her car payments, phone, car and medical insurance, tuition (when she bothered to go to college) etc., since she moved out when she was 17. He told her that he would cut her of at 26, last Thursday, and so far as I know, he has. Time will tell, though.

    She did get a job nannying about a month ago. She has talked this guy into putting her on his business payroll so that she can get on his insurance plan. She's done nannying before, and I will leave it at that.

    L is on again with her boyfriend B who has kicked her out three times previously. It usually happens in the spring, now that I think of it. I had thought that it had something to do with her getting jobs around this time of year and his deciding that she should be self-sufficient but I am beginning to wonder about that theory.

    B was an adopted child, and has always said he never wants to marry or have children. L has always wanted to marry a high profile man and to have children. B is a Christian, L is Jewish. B is Republican, L is Democrat. B has money and has always worked, L has never really worked and has no money of her own.

    Two Christmas' ago she began saying he was going to marry her. Christmas, Valentines', her birthday, and then "their anniversary" (whatever) came and went and he didn't ask. He kicked her out (again) in the spring. She somehow got back together with him last fall after she lost a job and had nowhere to go. Then she began with the "he's going to ask me to marry him again." Christmas, Valentine's, her birthday have passed. Their "anniversary" is on the 9th, and she point blank said that she is expecting a proposal that night.

    Nothing I can do about it, to be sure. I just feel like it is "Groundhog Day" all over again. Will he kick her out? Will her dad give her money? Her dad actually told me that he thought that B wouldn't ask her to marry him so long as her dad gave her money. One thing I know for sure is that if he doesn't ask her to marry him, she will start to get nasty with me again. And I won't be taking any calls if that happens.
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I admire your ability to step back and call a spade a spade. Always have. L sounds like she's in a very "It's all ME" world. I think it would be interesting to say the least to be a fly on the wall when Daddy Warbucks cuts off her money. Maybe DADDY PERFECT will be the villan for a while...and not you.

    I think it's great you have a plan in place for the what ifs....I just wish this kid would be a little more realistic in her life. B sounds like he's getting to know her cycles.....Spring out - Fall in. Ugh.

    Hugs for your hurt - FIngers crossed that you aren't right.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It's the anticipation that's killing me. She's so worked up about it she has been in a great deal more contact lately. I make "that's interesting" noises and move the conversation along.

    I leased my car from B. The lease is up in July. I tend to think she demands that he marry her and he kicks her out. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't keep having her move back in. No doubt if she is all over the place between now and then I will take the opportunity to let him know that I think he is not a very nice man.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe B's sex drive only works on the opposite of daylight savings time? Fall in-Spring out? Or maybe he likes to nest in the winter to be warm...lol. Odd the cycling.

    This will be interesting to see how L handles Daddy and the money. Hope you dont get the backlash.

    We really should write our own little drama. No one would believe it was real.
  5. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Witz, I so admire your detaching ability. You seem to have prepared yourself for any eventuality. However, it surely is sad to see how L is making life so hard for herself and causing herself such misery. Still, she is independent and holding down a job, which is good. Objectively, it will be very very hard for her if B throws her out again and her father cuts her off financially.

    Sending you (((hugs))).

    Love, Esther
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Mostly I'm just disappointed that she can't see anything more for herself than being "someone's wife". It's not something anyone can decide for her.
  7. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm sorry, Witz. We all had such great expectations for our children. I am also always the receipeant of difficult child anger. I t hurts and it's unfair. When I held those babies in my arms I thought they would go so far in life.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that Dad gets to be the bad guy this time for a change.

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Mr. Teflon. We'll see...
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand re patterns/deja vu/Groundhog Day .. I see that with Oldest the time. I can't help but think, "here we go again." I recently got the "I'm ready to turn my life around and take care of myself" speech .. again. Each time I hope she means it, this time.

  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Oh yea? Mr. Teflon - Well I'm holding out your cryptonite - it's called DAUGHTERS SAD EYES.......

    bwah ha ha...........
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking that Mr. Teflon's kryptonite is actually "your daughter might want to move back in with you."
  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes Witz you seem to know what to do before it happens. It is good you have aplan in place and stick to it. I wish I was that way all the time. I think of a plan and then a crisis takes the best of the plan.
  14. ML

    ML Guest

    Witz your strength is amazing. I guess you develop that toughness over time. I mean we only have so many tears to shed before we plain get dehydrated. After re-living the same drama hundreds of times I guess you get beyond the pain. I hope L figures it out and that you're spared the backlash. Hugs xoxo ML