Lost and Adrift

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Resilient, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. Resilient

    Resilient New Member

    One day Im sad, and one day Im mad.

    Two weeks ago my daughter, 27, moved out.....or did we kick her out?

    She was the perfect daughter, such a gentle soul. She was my sun, moon, and stars. I admit too much of my life revolved around her. She was a straight A student, and had everything going for her. until she was 23.

    These last few years she has become very diffucult, failing to launch,wasting her time, unmotivated. she dropped out of college in the semester before taking student teaching, realizing teaching was not for her. she finally got a job cooking fries at Mcdonalds. fights, terrible fights started in our house. she gained alot of weight, spent all her time in her room playing video games, feel in love with guys she met on the internet. starting detaching from this household, fighting and being verbally abusive to us. always screaming at us to give her space, and leave her alone. blaming us for everything.

    About a year after this i became terribly ill with medical had open heart surgery, cancer, and a stroke in a year. during all of this she withdrew to her room, just wanting to play video games, watching porn online, and withdrawing further and furthur away.

    She has now moved out at 27, choosing no contact. i dont know where she is, no email, no line app. she left without any forwarding. i miss her so much, and love her dearly.

    I think she has pierced her cheek, she was always telling us we dont know her.

    She was convinced there were microphones in the house, and one of her online friends communicated with her this way. i worry about her ability to take care of herself.
     
  2. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Was she evaluated by a doctor regarding her mental well being? When you mention the microphones, that makes me wonder about mental illness. If she's using drugs, they can cause paranoia, thinking the house has microphones, etc. Did the verbal abuse and arguing start after she became obsessed with the gaming? It sounds like she was so close to finishing her degree. Even if teaching wasn't what she wanted to do, she could have finished and became an achievement director or curriculum coordinator. Just having the degree accounts for a lot. I can understand not wanting to be a teacher. It's a thankless job. But, schools still need speech therapists, etc. If she's gone, she might be staying in a shelter if she has no income. I don't know if the shelters give out that info. They can connect her with resources that can help her emotional state if she chooses to use them.

    I hope your health improves. Stress related, no doubt.
     
  3. Resilient

    Resilient New Member

    My therapist feels there is possible paranoia and depression. Although, my dear daughter has refused any medical evaluations.

    And yes, once she got out of college, she got into the world of online gaming more. her behavior changed more, she became more aggressive, and genuinely negative about her future plans and family involvement.

    thank you for your well wishes☺
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    The microphones remind me of schizophrenia. at the very least she has delusions thst are out of touch with reality. She will probably be back.

    If she refuses to get help, you can't do much unless she becomes s threat to herself or others. I am very sad for her and you.

    Hopefully something will happen that forces her into treatment. Sending hugs and lots of good vibes.
     
  5. Resilient

    Resilient New Member

    It is so hard knowing she is out there, with possible mental problems and I have no idea where she is at. Before she left every time I spoke with her to get more engaged with the family, it was constantly no no no, get the f*888 out of my room.

    I do think she has delusions.....not knowing where she is it terrible.
     
  6. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I don't know if the police could do anything since she's 23 and left of her own accord. Maybe if you tell the police she's mentally unstable or mentally ill they might be able to help. You could visit the local shelters. I don't know if they give out info about who stays there. I don't know what part of the country you live in, but Knoxville, Tennessee has become a Mecca for drifters. So, if you live in North Carolina or the southeast, there is a pretty good chance she's going to end up in Knox. I hope she's staying somewhere safe and warm.
     
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for your struggles with your daughter Resilient.

    If you are in the U.S. you might try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can connect with them online and they have chapters in many cities. They offer excellent courses for parents which can give you information, guidance, support and compassion. Being the parent of an adult child with mental health issues is extremely challenging and NAMI can help.

    Presently you are powerless to control or impact your daughter's choices, a terrible place for us to be. To help you deal with that powerlessness, the grief, the fear, the worry and the general awfulness of all of it, it is a good idea for you to seek support for yourself. My suggestion is that you find a counselor, a therapist, a parent group or someplace you can go to receive the support you need and deserve. NAMI may be a good place to start.

    There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, it may offer you some solace and information.

    Seek support for yourself, keep posting and try to take the focus off of your daughter for now and place it on you......be very kind to yourself, often we forget to take care of ourselves in the face of the bad choices our kids make.......

    I'm glad you're here, you're not alone......we understand how you feel, we've been in your shoes.....hang in there.....
     
  8. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom

    Welcome, Resilient. So sorry that you are going through this right now. It must be very hard to not have any idea of your daughter's whereabouts or mental status.

    Recovering said it best. Your daughter is an adult and there is little you can do to intervene. Hopefully, she is in a safe place right now.

    Try to take some time to regroup and focus on your family. You've had a long road and now is the time to take care of YOU.

    Keep coming here - there's a lot of people who understand exactly what you are going through.

    {Hugs} to you.
     
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Resilient:

    So sorry to hear about your daughter and your failing health.

    However she is an adult and you are not responsible for her. I know you feel helpless and heartbroken. All of us on this forum love our children to the moon and back and naturally want what is best for them. For them to thrive and be happy. However there are so many things we cannot control and sometimes just accepting that goes a long way.

    I agree with the others that you should seek therapy for yourself as you meander down this uncertain road.

    Keep posting, we are here for you!