Back story: last week I paid for a week's worth of my son's medications with the understanding that he would go to the outpatient program available through the facility where he spent a few days getting stabilized and getting his medications straightened out. It was up to him to make an appointment for the initial consultation. He decided it was more important to take a 5 day vacation with his partner (or ex or whatever they are at any given moment). Yesterday he showed up begging me to get him another week's worth. I said no but my husband said he would so he finally did get another week's supply. But between the time he showed up asking for help and the time he got the money from my husband (who was at work at the time) I "learned" the following about myself during my son's meltdown. 1. I am the most selfish, self-centered person he has ever known in his life. 2. I am responsible for him being the way he is because his father, it turns out, had mental issues also that were passed on to my son. 3. I need serious mental help because I am crazy, irrational, and completely unhinged. 4. My life is deteriorating because I am in a bad marriage that is destroying me. 5. All his past and present problems stem from my "handing him over to the state to raise" (I called the police when he was 14 and slapped me in the face with a dried out palm frond...thinking there was some sort of diversion program in Daytona like one he was in in Georgia, but instead the state filed domestic battery charges against him which led to him being on juvenile probation for five years.) 6. It's my fault he was on probation as long as he was. He could have been off in six months because he committed no further criminal activity but continually violated his probation...breaking curfew, skipping school, doing drugs. And the probation and residential facilities that resulted from that were not because he did those things but because I reported them to the court. And a few more things that I can't remember now. All of the above is either blatantly false or at best partially true. I did not take anything he said to heart, because I know better. But in addition to that he borrowed my phone under false pretenses, presumably to call my friend and ask if he could borrow her phone charger (he has an iPhone and I have an Android so he couldn't use mine)...and instead he got into a text war with his partner/ex/whatever. He then proceeded to hack the partner's Facebook account, as well as make some changes to my computer (I'm still trying to figure out exactly what he did, but there are several bookmarked pages that were not there yesterday and that I did not add to my bookmarks) And to top it off, the "partner" showed up at my door at 11 last night yelling about his Facebook account, so they got into a shouting match that I'm sure the other tenants in the building enjoyed as much as my husband and I did. My husband very nearly called the police. I get that he goes off the rail when he's out of his medications. But for two weeks in a row now we have spent bill money to fix him up for a week, and I am totally anticipating that he will ask us to do the same next week. Enough is enough. He's had time to find a job and/or get on the discount program and chooses to other "more important" things instead of making an effort to get himself situated. He spent the night with us last night and did not get up until 3:30 this afternoon. Yesterday was a complete waste for me, workwise and household choreswise. The cats got fed and my son got his medications and that's all that was accomplished. Today was no better because I am in such a state of anxiety and I was afraid if I tried to do anything constructive I would wake him up and he would go off again. (So I spent most of the day in my bedroom watching TV and chatting on Facebook. Oh and he had said he had a 12:30 appointment at the outpatient clinic...which obviously he blew off) When he did get up he asked to use my computer and I said no, but declined to discuss the reasons with him because I am right now too angry to try to have a conversation with him. And it still bothers me and always will bother me how he says I should be understanding of the fact that he has an illness...which I do. But I also know that I am the target of his rages and meltdowns and he can turn it off or tone it down when he's with friends or out in public or there are other people in my home besides just me. So how much of what he does and says to me is truly his illness and how much is sheer "I don't give a crap" manipulation? Honest to God, i wish I had just let him stay in Chicago. I can't do this anymore and right now I don't even want him in my home. Getting him to leave, that's another thing entirely. If push comes to shove I will get my landlord and/or the police involved, and if it means the end of whatever twisted relationship my son and I have, then so be it. The level of toxicity in my home is palpable. I'm at the end of my rope with this kid.