more games

[carolanne]

Jess is almost three months. I was online last night and an instant mssg popped up...she says hi gramma :slap: I need to talk to you is this way okay? Sure I reply.

She tells me things are not as she thought they would be. Found out her boyfriend cheated on her a couple times about two or three months ago; admitted she dropped out of school and by the wsy if i have the kid and can't handle it can you take it? :smile:

I said I didn't know...she replied " might as well get rid of it now" and she signed off....

I tried calling the apt, no answer and the machine was off so I couldn't leave a mssg.

I swear this girl loves her little games. Her boyfriend has told me he's getting tired of it...

Than hubby and I were talking...what if the pregnancy is just another lie? Moving to a different province is so tempting at times

Carolanne

 

[jbrain]

Hi Carolanne,
sorry she is playing those manipulative games and I remember my dtr claiming to be pregnant and wondering if she was lieing.

I certainly would not allow her to blackmail you with threats of terminating if you won't raise the child. Whatever she does is her decision, do not let her lay it on you.

So sorry, this really !
Jane

 

[Suz]

Don't get caught up in this goofiness, Carolanne.

It's time to reread this thread and practice your responses:

http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/

Hugs,
Suz

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Major hugs. It stinks to be on the receiving end of this.

 

[meowbunny]

Sorry to hear she's playing such games. Let's hope she's not pregnant. That would make things so much easier.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I too am sorry she's putting you through this.

Just my opinion, but if she is pregnant, then asking the question and the comment about just getting rid of it mean that most likely you will be called on to take care of the baby. If your health is up to it you might want to consider whether you'd want to adopt, as otherwise the threat of taking the baby back is a powerful tool for her to blackmail you. If you are concerned that you will not be able to care for the baby (assuming it does exist) but are against her "getting rid of it" (as a gather you are?) would she consider putting it up for adoption?

Really feeling for you in this situation. In our case we knew from the start that difficult child was committed to having the baby; there were no "I'll just get an abortion" threats. And we were prepared to be at least co-parenting with difficult child or, as turned out to be the case, taking on all of the parenting.

 

[DammitJanet]

Do not, repeat DO NOT, succumb to the emotional blackmail she is trying to do using the now unborn child because if you do she will hold that baby over you when it is born.

I told my son that if he ever made the mistake of uttering the words that I would never see my grand daughter if I did or didnt do something it would be the biggest mistake of his life. I love her dearly but I would not be held captive.

Im sorry that your daughter is choosing to play these games. Its not fair to you or the baby..if there is one.

Hope she grows up.

 

[DDD]

Sorry. Didn't we have another long time CD family member who
was told she was going to be a Gramma a few months ago. I recall
betting it was a sham.......but I haven't read anything since
then.

It is inconscienceable (sp?) how these "adult" difficult children mess with
others. I'm on a rant tonight so not too "up". I do think you
need to stay backed off. Hugs. DDD

 

[Hound dog]

Carolanne

I'd stay backed off, too. Emotional blackmail isn't tolerated by me. Whatever decision she makes is hers, period. She's an adult.

Is it just me or do kids today seem to have an obsession with drama??

If it turns out she is really pregnant, the decision on if you want to take the child is yours to make. But I'd be asking myself alot of tough questions first, to be sure it's something you're really willing and able to take on. Then like someone else said, I'd make it permanent. Anything less leaves you wide open for all sorts of emotional blackmail and manipulation.

Hugs

 

[goldenguru]

The "game" won't be nearly as fun for her if you don't play with her.

Detach.

Her choices - her consequences.

 

[Marcie Mac]

My eldest difficult child's favorite game is emotional blackmail - she not only does it to me, she does it with the kids fathers. If she gets miffed at anything, the next words out of her mouth is you won't ever see...

GG is right - its probably not fun anymore if she is the only one playin the game.

I swear I have no idea where this behavior comes from or what they get out of it - it certainly wasn't something she learned here at home..

Will keep my fingers crossed this is all a big fib outta her mouth

Marcie

 

[witzend]

I'd tell her absolutely never would I raise her child if she got tired of it. Then I'd drive her to the clinic, have the procedure done (if she's really pregnant) and have them insert an IUD just for good measure.

If they couldn't do the IUD right away, I'd offer to pay for progesterone shots for life and give her $100 spending money every three months when she got it done.