mother in law Again!!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Christmas before my dad died, we gave my mom a ride in a hot air balloon. She was unable to use it last year, so she is planning to take her ride tonight. All us kids and grandkids are going to watch and "balloon chase".
    My cell phone just rang here at work. It was my mother in law. Against better judgement, I picked it up.
    Me "Hello?"

    mother in law "I understand your mother is going up in a balloon tonight."

    Me "yes."

    mother in law "Where?"

    Me "I don't know."

    mother in law "At the fairgrounds, you think?"

    Me "No."


    mother in law "Then where?"

    Me "I don't know. It will depend on weather and wind patterns. We won't know til about the time she takes off."

    mother in law "OK."

    There it is. Verbatim except for the actual name of the fairground. And I'd testify in court on it.
    Which means she's probably going and it makes me ANGRY to think I'm going to spend my fun family time with her in the background. I don't want her around.
    I will deal with it, but I am surprised at my own level of dislike for this woman. I mean, I really, REALLY do not want her there.
    We're meeting the in-home in the park before mom's balloon ride, maybe I should invite her.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Um, why not tell her where she was taking off from. You know, the most gang ridden, rat infested, dangerous, crawling with the criminal element section of the city.


    Or wait! Have her come with you guys. Make sure she stands really, really, really close to the balloon basket for a picture, one of your contact lenses "pops out", you crawl around on the ground and one of the ropes "happens" to wrap around her ankle, oh I don't know, 5 or 6 times...

    yeah...THAT'S it...hmmmm...

    Hope you day gets better!

  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I think Beth has a great idea!
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm with Beth... send her on a goose chase to someplace else... like back to where she CAME FROM!!!
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I keep thinking that scene in Harry Potter where he makes his Uncles Sister float away -----

    But NVTS.....WOW!!!!! (bravo child) bravo!
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Nvts, you are right on.

    You know, I think that balloon is taking off from the Boot Heel of MO. I think its about a 6 hour drive - with flooding, probably 8.

    Tho the rope is better...think I'll feel guilty? I know how to get her down there - I can pretend to find a puzzle piece.

    Thanks for the laughs. Seriously, I am shocked at how angry it made me when she called and insinuated she'll be showing up (that's what this kind of call means). Its been going downhill since she showed up at dad's funeral 16 months ago, taking notes, but I've really reached a new low in my quest to not hate.
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I like the searching for the contact/puzzle piece, rope accidently tied securely around her ankle idea! LOL

    And she takes notes at funerals???? OMG
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I gotta note for her......

    Doe or is that DOH?
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yup, Stang, we thinkg she sat and took notes.
    My parents live 3 hours from here in a very rural area. They'd met husband's parents at our wedding, obviously, and at birthday party or 2 at my house. They met each other. In no way do they KNOW each other.
    When my dad died, mother in law and father in law drove to my hometown - Parsons. The funeral home and the only hotel in the area are in a town about 20 miles away - Brookfield. Dad died on Tuesday. They showed up at mom's house at 1pm on Thursday. When we all left to go see dad, they went, too. We went back to mom's, instead of staying at their hotel in Brookfield, they drove back to Parsons, too, only to have to then turn around and drive back to Brookfield an hour later. Friday morning, bright and early, here they are at mom's again. Sat in the living room when the minister came to prepare the service, right in the middle of the family. When we went to Brookfield for the visitation (most of us wanted to go early to get our sorts together before people started coming) - there they were. Again, after visitation, they drove back to Parsons to eat with us (at 11pm) then turned around and drove back to Brookfield to their hotel. The funeral, on Saturday, family was asked to be there at 10. Funeral at noon. They were there at 9:30. They stayed for the funeral, dinner after, and left without speaking to anyone.
    The disturbing thing was, she didn't speak to anyone. People in my family eventually went out of their way to talk to her because she'd sit in the corner and just watch. She didn't offer condolances, she didn't help fix, set out food, or clean it up, like other family friends were doing as they passed in and out. I think the one thing she did do was express her amount of suprise that easy child 2 (husband's daughter) spent all day working on a picture and letter to put in dad's casket, and that easy child 2 was truly saddened by this loss. Why wouldn't she be - my dad could be a jerk, but he was a GREAT grandfather to ALL the kids in the family?
    Maybe she didn't know what to say, but 3 days, surely you could come up with SOMETHING. When we all got back home and back to the grind, all of her friends knew all the details. My ex-mother in law was the one who contacted MY friends. And my mom lives in a huge old farmhouse. Dad restored antique furniture as a hobby. mother in law was bound and determined mom was going to sell out and move (which she's not) so EVERY time we mentioned the possibility of going to my mom's, IMMEDIATELY she would say "Setting up for the sale?" or "Let me know when that sale is." Never asked how anyone was doing, particularly mom, just that sale. She is a major pack rat, goes to all kinds of auctions and buys stuff to bring home and shove in her 4car garage, never to be seen again, and, as time passed, I really began to really think she wants mom's stuff. I didn't say anything for a long time, but when I finally did, I wasn't the only one that felt "watched" that week. And we think she sat there all that time and inventoried mom's place.
    She did it with her own mother's house when they put her int he nursing home, why wouldn't she do it to mine...
  10. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    hmmmm I think I would like to send my mother in law for a trip in a balloon, maybe on a very windy day, could get lucky!
  11. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    O...M....G. How bizarre!

    Maybe drop comments here and there around her about how your mom already has a list made up of who gets what? No....maybe not. Then she might start bugging your other family members. Geesh..........what a crackpot. So sorry you had to deal with that when your dad passed.
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Better have guards posted at your mom's place while she is gone.

    mother in law may come to whine about how her children would never give her a balloon ride. Then tell her that is because it would be far too tempting and prison time isn't worth it.

    How extrememly rude to interfer in YOUR family's funeral. You are probably right that the only reason she was there was not to miss out on a conversation on "the sale". She just can't have your family gathering together without her - she may just miss out on "the sale".

    If the time does come for a sale, try to find a friend's home to have it at so mother in law never does learn until after the sale that the auction was done and over with. She was probably taking notes on names of friends and family but I think you can pull this off.

    Come up with one of the kid's names (an older teenager) and let it be known to mother in law that there will NEVER be a sale because this kid will inherit EVERYTHING. This kid is very sentimental and would never part with even a used hankerchief.
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Never fear...she won't know when if there ever is a sale. I am not sure I could stand my parents' stuff stashed like a headboard notch in her pack rat pavilion.

    And don't get me wrong, I am not that possessive of my family. Obviously, difficult child 1 is not "blood", nor is easy child 2. There's probably 30 kids running around that called my dad "grandpa". His best friend was listed as a survivor in the obituary and sat with the family. He still attends almost all of the family functions - he'd have been there if dad was alive, he's welcomed even tho dad isn't. Several of the "surrogate" grandkids sat in the "family" section. easy child 1's best friend spent a lot of time with easy child at our house and my folks' house the last 2 years dad was alive. He was one of the three grandsons that drove the tractors at the funeral.

    Mom and dad beleived that blood does not create - or define - a family, and they lived that way. Much the way a house doesn't just make a home. We were also raised to not stick your nose into someone else's business without a reason to have it there.

    Partly why it is so hard for me to deal with mother in law.
  14. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    That woman is really, really bizarre! So, you think she just wants to go tonight to ask your mom to buy her stuff?
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Call her back and give her the directions to the nearest junk yard. (Odds are you won't see her for years.)

    *note* I know you think I'm joking, but seriously I'm not. Remember that "fight fire with fire" thing. Opportunity is banging you in the head, dearest. Oh, and when she figures out you one upped her you can say, "Oh, I'm so very sorry. I must have gotten those instructions mixed up with the ones for the balloon ride, silly me."

    PS I already know I'm vicious. :rofl:
  16. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Or tell her there's an estate sale across the street from the balloon launch... that oughta peak her interest AND determination...
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    No, I don't think she wants to come to ask to buy mom's stuff. Her interest tonight is probably genuine. She likely would truly like to see the balloon thing. But a genuine interest in us as people is rare.
    And I just think she has been outright rude to me long enough, and she doesn't think of me as a member of her family AT ALL, and I guess I'm down to the pettiness of a little tit-for-tat...if I'm not in yours, stay out of mine. Plus, I just generally do not like being around her because she is so cold to me. Its one thing to put up with it on her time - totally another to have her follow me on mine.
    Obviously, there's more to the story. Things like -- She uses our pasture for her cows constantly. I've had her cows here for at least 6 years. She uses my stock trailer and truck when she sells cows. I get no compensation, but if I want to use something of hers, like her tractor to help move hay (part of which will feed her cows thru the winter), I have to compensate her for it. I came home one night to find difficult child 1's heifer that he was feeding out to sell (when he was still at home) in the trailer being moved to be bred. She decided he needed to keep it, so she was moving it to be bred. She regularly comes to our house and drives out into the yard to talk to husband or see easy child 2, frequently will pass difficult child 2 or I on the way, and won't even roll the window down or wave as she passes, and all this was long before I started avoiding her.
    She bought easy child 2 a bunch of clothes last summer before school. husband and I had planned to take both kids school shopping and easy child didn't clean out her dresser like she was supposed to (lied about doing it 3 times), so she didn't get to go til it was done. mother in law took her anyway. She brought the clothes home and I made her take them back. husband backed me on it, for once. Later, she brought them to our house and put them in easy child's drawers while we were at the pond fishing with the kids. Tore the tags off, folded them, everything.
    I don't think husband is going tonight, so he won't know where the launch will be. The rest of us are just turning our cell phones off.
    But I like the suggestions. Its thoughts like these that make dealing with her tolerable. I remember when she was carting stuff out of her own mom's in law and I sat on the lawn and laughed our hind end's off at thoughts like what corners of the earth she'd travel to aquire more junk to stash in her garage...
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Ok. It is time to deal with this woman. Obviously she is mentally ill. Or just mean. there is no reason to waste so much of your time being upset everytime she does something.

    You need to tell husband that his mother isn't welcome at your family functions. Then you need to flat out tell mother in law she isn't welcome and needs to not come. When she shows up, your husband won't tell her to go. But you CAN. It is called protecting your own.

    And lock the dang house. Period. some crazy person might get in.

    Oh, wait, she already has. She folded clothes you didn't want and put them away to undermine your discipline and family values.

    Do you see my point???

    It is not fun (well, unless you get her close to the balloon and get the rope around her foot!) but is overdue. I had inlaws who would drive right PAST our home and not wave if we were outside. I KNOW they saw Wiz and I in the yard. Cause father in law looked really embarrassed. But they did it 4 times in ONE MONTH. My husband wouldn't say a word. Just wouldn't.

    (They were driving to see step-mother in law's grandson and his baby - MY child was just 1 yo!!!! and we didn't get a flippin' wave from the car!)

    So when they called with a demand for us to drive and hour to see them, I said we wouldn't. I toldthem they couldn't bother to WAVE at my child as they drove past and I couldn't bother to take my child to visit them until the holidays, IF THEN.

    They tried to say it wasn't them. So I said, funny, the license plate was this, and the state says that is YOUR CAR.

    It wasn't fun, but they got the point.

    YOU CAN STOP THIS. YOU HAVE THE POWER. A good lock on the door and the truck and the trailer and whatever. Will keep her out. YOU keep the keys. Say NO.

    Just say NO.

    Just say NO.

    Or you can put up with this behavior. And it will get more outrageous.

    You have CHOICE here. and POWER.
  19. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Oh yeah, definately lock everything up. Or at the very least, disable things so she can't come get them anytime she wants. If you have to compensate HER for using her stuff to help feed HER stock, then she has no right to YOUR stuff at her convenience. The hag.

    She definately has some nerve to her. I for one think it's high time for her to be brought down a notch or two. Even if it is just temporary.
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    You guys are right, it is time to end this, one way or another. Normally, her behavior ticked me off, I quickly got over and it was funny. The level of anger I felt today was way beyond normal. I have obviously hit the end of my rope with this woman. I can laugh about today/tonight, but its not with the same ease as usual.

    She did try to call husband several times to get the time and location of the flight. Since he was not going, we didn't keep him in the loop of where and when, and he did not offer to find out for her, nor did he suggest she call me. She didn't, either. He and I had a brief conversation, which started via text message this afternoon. I told him she treats me like dirt, and Saturday night was just plain rude and uncalled for. I was not angry at him for letting slip that my mom was flying, but I am a lot angry at living like this. I am not a part of her family, so why would she expect me to invite her along tonight to be involved with mine? I need to find a way to deal with this, but I do not like being her dirt, and I won't be anymore.

    He agreed. He does not know how to fix it, but he says I am 110&#37; right about how I'm treated. Then I told him he needs to back me TO HER. It can't hurt.

    On a positive note, the balloon ride was awesome. Obviously, I did not fly, but my mom and easy child 1 did. The rest of us "chased" in my brother's open Jeep. It was a hoot! They landed in the middle of a street in a residential neighborhood. VERY impressive. Then they let difficult child 2 get in and took him for a short ride just a couple of feet off the ground. He was big stuff, lemme tell ya. It was a great time.