mother in law Has a Buyer

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    OMG we are sooooooooo releaved!!!!

    A young couple put an offer on it monday. Way too low at 55,000. mother in law was asking 75,000. brother in law had realitor make a counter offer of 72,000. Couple came back with nearly 70,000. :)

    And we took it. mother in law still managed to make a profit from what she paid on it.

    So we thought she'd be happy, or at least releaved........

    But no. Now she is worried and fretting about the sale itself. And wants to meet with husband and I to "speak" to us.

    Long sigh. husband doesn't know what it is she wants to talk to us about. I don't either. But if she's wanting us to move out furniture and the like without husband's brother and wife being here.......I'm not doing it.

    She's made them, most especially brother in law's wife, the one to direct her anger at during all this. Unfairly. She still has not spoken to sister in law since ripping her a new one.:(

    husband nor I can get her to see reason on it.

    She's already said my neice can't have her inheritance. Which consists of a china hutch and an antique dry sink.

    I've decided what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I don't believe she's completely in her right state of mind at present. Nor has she been for a while. I'm not hurting my neice because mother in law's making a demand out of anger. Besides, no one here wants those things anyway.

    It's good that the house sold. mother in law can now pay her rent and have money to live on. She'll be comfortable until she passes.

    For us the real mess starts. We've got a lifetime of stuff to sort thru and decide what to do with. ugh!:faint:
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Lisa! That's wonderful news! Just tell her that you rented a storage facility and that the china closet and sink are under lock and key and the "evil niece" absolutely does not have it!

    Rattling beads that the closing comes quickly and that you can parcel out the "cleanout" with ease!

  3. Excellent news Lisa! The transition will cause much anxiety for your mother in law no doubt. It did for my Mom when she did this three years ago. My Mom's a very anxious lady, so it was overwhelming for her to say the least. Now, though? She's VERY happy that she sold the house and moved!

    Here's a suggestion for the big clean out. It's much better if you can have at least three others working on the project besides mother in law. You can trade off having one of you ask her questions about "something" in another room, while two of you get the things to be thrown away in a bag, out of the house, and out of sight. This process really works! My Mom also loved calling her dear friends to the house at the very beginning and giving them something that they would like. It made her the most happy of any step in the process!

    Hang in there Lisa. I'll be sending very positive vibes to you for some peace in the midst of this situation.... It will definitely be worth the effort.

  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad the house sold!!!!! I'm sorry your mother in law is making things so difficult. Hugs.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Do yourself a favor - hire a real estate auctioneer. They are worth their weight in gold for sorting out what's left.

    When my X's gramma passed? There were six of them, scores of grands, and a few great grands. I thought the oldest brother had the neatest idea of all. He had all his siblings meet at the house and each one got a turn going through the house to pick out one big item and one small item. If a sibling really wanted that item - and was younger they could deal with the one that took that particular item.

    Then they let oldest to youngest grands go through with the same thing in mind. By the time they allowed in laws to go through - there was a box with tupperware and some old broken statues. I was very close to her, and came out with nothing - but of course that's what was left. One of her grands came over and handed me a water globe I bought her for Xmas one year. She said it wasn't right that there were grands not close to her at all who got stuff and I got nothing. I told her I had my memories, thanked her for her politeness, and left with my memories. I've got those - and actually out of the whole family? She was the ONLY nice one. I'm happy with what I walked away with.

    The rest of the big things in the house - they hired an estate auctioneer for. The money made from that sale was divided up among the siblings and then the eldest brother sold the house and even though the other sibs had no money in it - he divided up the profits with them. He had bought the house for her.

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said she's older and more irrational about the neice and sister in law. It's hard when our elders are in the beginning stages of dementia. She's a lucky woman to have you for a daughter in law.

  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Great news! I know that's been a concern you.

    I think you're doing the right thing with the niece also. If mother in law isn't being reasonable for whatever reason, there's no need to follow suit.

    My paternal grandma is a planner. I don't know if she does it to be prepared or to prevent family tiffs but she does it. When she and Grandpa first moved to Florida they left with their bedroom set, personal items, china and a few other pieces and their clothes. Everything else they either distributed to family members or gave to the person who gave it to them originally. I'm talking EVERYTHING! I wound up with their patio set, a bed, a "knick knack" that my mom and dad got them while on vacation YEARS ago when mom and dad were still married (I gave it to my mom) and a little red pitcher that held Avon bubble bath. I had given it to her one year when I was around 4. Each item like this had a note in it telling who it came from. My little red pitcher? The note reads "From Becky around 4 or 5 years old. Grandpa got a hanky" By the time Grandpa died, they were living in an RV so there wasn't any "big" stuff left. Grandpa's stuff (tools, golf clubs, etc.) was distributed between my dad and his sibs but Grandma still has a few things to hand out. Some she's done already and some she hasn't. But you can guarantee that they all have little notes attached.
  7. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    So glad that the house is sold. I hope that the clean up of it isn't toooooo bad. I am grateful that my mom and step dad already got rid of most things because they are living in an rv now. And mother in law when she passed lived with husband's only brother so that was a given how that would work.


  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Star, thankfully I don't think an auctioneer will be necessary. Sister in law and i have already pretty much figured who gets what.

    Stang, mother in law did the same thing will the little notes. That's how I know what neice gets. lol

    A while back mother in law already gave out the sets of family china and silver. There was a set for each grandaughter. My girls sets are sitting in the hutch (from mother in law) in my kitchen. I'm wearing K's inheritance on my right hand. She's not supposed to get it as mother in law wrote her out of the will when she took off 6 years ago. mother in law was afraid she'd pawn anything she got. If K ever gets out of the hole she's in and becomes responsible enough, she'll get this ring....But it's MUCH too valuable to give it to her now. Both my girls got the rings they inherited from mother in law.

    Much of the big deal things have already been doled out slowly as mother in law advanced in age. But there is still the furniture she had in the house she was using, plus dishes ect.....and omg the pictures and such!

    What doesn't go to someone is going into a huge yard sale. Money will go to mother in law.

    I'm just dreading cleaning out those pictures ect. The personal treasures sort of thing. One closet is so full we're afraid to open the door. lol sister in law and I were discussing that we don't know who is going to want the family pics. My kids know nothing about great grandparents and the like in husband's family. mother in law never spoke of it, nor showed them pics. sister in law's kids to my surprise don't either. As for more recent pics......they'll go to who gave them.

    Only one family picture I want. It's of the kids paternal great grandma. She and easy child looked identical at the same age of 12 and have photographs taken in the same pose. easy child is named for this grandma as well. I think it's something easy child would like to have in the future.

    Most of it is going to be tedious and time consuming. It will be done when husband's brother and wife come up to sign the papers for the sale.

    I hope mother in law settles down once it's final. My kids are afraid to go see her, afraid to take the grands to go see her. She's acting so out of character right now.
  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical


    Any old family papers and pictures you don't want DO NOT THROW AWAY!!! I do genealogy and I can tell you from experience that the whole idea makes me cringe. Ask any neices and nephews of your mother in law if they would want them. then if all else fails donate them to a local genealogy society or historical society.

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    On the pics...why not make copies and offer them to all sides of the family? I have some really old pics of my grandparents and I am assuming my great grandparents. Also one picture of my parents attending my uncles wedding. Of course, all these are in black and Ancient really. Some more than a hundred years old. Gosh I just thought of that! I am going to have copies made and give them as gifts to the boys for their homes.